Hi I am new to here. I have been a binge drinker since 2011 when my best friend died in a car accident. Last night i had another binge drinking episode and now I have to find a new home for my daughter by July 1st as my parents have had their last straw with me and my episodes from from to time. I don’t know why I am the way I am. I don’t even like drinking. So why am I still having random episodes from time to time?
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Hi Ivan, welcome 
. I lost my best friend in a car accident in 2010… head on collision with a beer truck of all things. Anyways, I’m glad you’re here with us i look forward to seeing you around. Best wishes
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Thank you for being kind and welcoming @Dan531 . I am truly sorry to hear about your loss as well. May I ask if that was what started your broken road as well?
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Well… it certainly didn’t help. I think i would’ve ended up an alcoholic eventually no matter what but when Sean died i hit it hard for quite a while and then i lost my dad to lung cancer less than 2 years later, he was 53. I drank an ungodly amount of alcohol every single day, in the end i was drinking to not feel sick. Life can be hard, it doesn’t help when we make it even harder by using.
I’m sorry about your friend too, i know the emptiness that gets left… nothing seems to fill it, but that’s okay that piece of us was meant just for them.
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I am so sorry for both of your losses. I get scared I am going to die because I’ll get shakey or my muscles will seeze up or ill get tingling in my hands legs etc. After a night of binge drinking. But I’m trying to stay 100% sober now that I have my daughter to love for the rest of my life as well.
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You can get sober and stay that way. Dive into recovery headfirst. Do meetings or listen to podcasts or read books… hell do all of it if you can. I got sober, you can too. Reach out anytime
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What do you recommend? I live in Colorado. I tried AA one time and didn’t last very long unfortunately. Did you ever get Shakes, muscles seizing up and tingling? I’m afraid my body has had a lot of damage done, some day binge drinking can be even more damaging? @Dan531
Medically supervised detox will help in this case. You can find options here:
Take care and never give up. You deserve a safe, sober life where you can be free of these chains, and be your full self.
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Thank you so much for being so kind and helpful @Matt did you ever get any of these symptoms? They always scare me like even right now being sober all of today, well I had to sober up all day because of my Bing episode last night. But even right now I can tell my blood circulation is trying to recover as well. I also haven’t been able to eat anything still yet. I need to try and get my body body accept some food before I go to bed.
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I am not recovering from alcohol so I do not have those symptoms myself. I know from my conversations with people here in recovery from alcohol that when those types of symptoms appear, it is advisable to seek medical help.
Be gentle with yourself. Hot water? Tea? Apple juice? You are sick. Physically sick. Treat your body gently and feed it what it can take 
And seek support. You cannot do this alone - I promise you. You need help.
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Hi Ivan. Welcome to TS. Great community here to support you. There are lots of resources for recovery threads that can help you start this journey, but I don’t know how to link them. Also, if AA didn’t work for you, there are other sobriety communities to check out. Just google to find more info.
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You are the best, Matt!
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Thank you so much for being kind and reaching out to my post @LeeHawk may I ask what your story is? I hope the damage i have done to my body can be recovered from and i have not lost time on earth with my beautiful daughter who is only going to be 2 this summer
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I should do those things. I really hope the damage I have done though can be fully recovered recovered and hasn’t shortened my time on earth with my beautiful baby girl who will only be 2 this summer. I have very bad anxiety and even right now and am very anxious and hope my body can recover once again. The worst I ever experienced was ending up in the hospital and having my stomach pumped, catheter and a machine breathing for me years ago. I thought that would be my last wake up call.
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Absolutely. I’ve struggled with alcohol for years. At the end, I was getting sick from it. I drank all day, everyday. Not a binge drinker. I’m 80 days sober after relapsing constantly. Even after rehab, I relapsed all through the pandemic, but still got a lot from rehab. I attend AA and The Luckiest Club meetings via zoom daily. I listen occasionally to sobriety podcasts and have read a ton of quit lit. My children are age 17 and 14. Matt posted the helpful links. I would start there. I’m rooting for you!
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I wish health insurance was more affordable, I miss having a therapist once I found the right one. It helped a lot and with insurance being so expensive I am at the mercy of relying on myself I I like to do better, get sober and stay sober, especially for my daughters sake. She’s my whole world and I need to start taking care of myself so I can be around a very long time for her. I just hope the damage I’ve done from Bing drinking hasn’t shortened my time with her, I often get very anxious and scared from my muscles siezing up, tingling in my hands legs etc. The morning after my night of random Bing drinking episode will be the death of me. Thank you for sharing your post.
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Are you employed? Is there an EAP (Employee Assistance Program)? These can provide funding. Do you have family or a church that could help fund some? This is no time to be ashamed. You need to search for sobriety the same way a person searches for water in the desert. You need it to live.
Search, call, ask, check, call another place, check, and do not ever give up until you find what you are looking for. Even the places that are paid, the people may have some ideas of where you can look.
And:
AA is free.
SMART Recovery is free.
Celebrate Recovery is free.
Dharma Recovery is free.
The dozens of other recovery groups. All are free. And with the online options they’re happening 24 hours a day. There’s one happening right now that you can join - explore some of the links here and you’ll find one where you can get help. Many of the people in these meetings have been in exactly the same situation as you:
Online meeting resources
Has this worked before? Be honest. Why are you trying to do it alone?
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Ivan how are you doing today?