Setting outside, enjoying this view I started thinking about my 139 days.
For half my life, I drank away my days, tried to quit, and relapsed on scheduel. This time is different. The following, I believe, are the reasons for 139 days of succes:
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Today. I only care about relapsing today. I fight to stay sober today. Tomorrow will come, when its ready.
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Support. There are people out there that can quit on their own. I tried that, I am not one of those people. Friends, TS, AA. That is the support I need.
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Change. Had to change my life style. I couldn’t go out to the same places with the same people. Do I miss my friends. I did. The ones that understand are still here, the ones that didn’t aren’t. You know what…in my 42 years of life, I have made a lot of friends. If I lose all my friends by becoming sober, great! I made friends once before, I will do it again…and this time they will support my sober life.
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The fight. I fought before. Like an elementary school kid on the playground…and that isn’t fighting. The level of fighting…I pictured standing in Afghanistan. I have 2 rounds in my Baretta, and an entrenching tool. There are 4 bad guys around me. If I am going to make it home, I will have to go through those 4 guys. They want to kill me. So I have to fight for my life. That is the fight it takes me to win over alcohol. Alcohol wants to kill me. It wants to take everything I have slowly, and at the end kill me. I wont let it, I will fight it with everything I have.
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Belief. I believe in myself. There is no try in my vocabulary. I believe that I am strong enough to win, I believe that I am worth winning.
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Alcohol is simply not an option.
Random thoughts are done.