Hi. Thank you for your thoughts . Im very tired but i want to deal with this in a way that when i look back on it in the future…thst i did my best .
Maybe its an opportunity for something new…with no baggage. …and maybe in a few years with Someone who will only ever have known me As a man who doesnt drink.
Im hurting but thats ok…i think all of us getting over any addictions are so resilient and able when we want to be’. I think on a simple level i cant control alot of this but i can choose how i behave .have a great day
I think ive come up with a solution which allows me to move and also reduces my wifes outgoings for the next three years .just going to check with finance bod this week …
Wow I’m so sorry to hear that what a horrible thing to do, not even sure what to say, I’ve been there and continued the relationship and his happens again and made me get into drugs to forget and lost so much.
If she wants to leave let her because there is a reason for everything that happened, easy to say don’t let her get the best of u but don’t, she is a horrible humane for doing that!!! Don’t go backwards though keep going forward don’t let her see ur weakness. Ugh hug for u !!!
Good to hear and hope it works out for you…you sound pretty grounded and logical.
If you need an ear … just give a shout.
Stay safe.
I’m sorry about what’s happened, can I just take a second to say that I think you’re amazing, your thought process your efforts your calmness and thoughts for your children and even your wife even though she’s done wrong is such a nice thing to see. I know you’re hurting beyond words and I can only imagine how much your heart hurts.
Times a healer I know that won’t help right now.
But hats off to you, you have a good heart don’t forget.
Also kudos for staying sober x
Here’s some questions I haven’t seen.
Do you still love her?
Would you forgive her?
Would you take her back?
A couple things about affairs.
Affairs rarely happen in a perfect marriage. One or usually both parties were/are unhappy in some way.
It took a while for me to figure out that I wasn’t happy in my marriage either. We were both just going thru the motions.
And affairs rarely last once they are outed. The excitement dwindles. And the two infidels start to really get to know each other once they aren’t in the dark anymore. And a lot of the time, they don’t like the person as much as they thought.
Again. Just some thoughts here.
Do i still love her ? Yes.
Do perfect marriages exist ? No. I dont think perfect people exist.
Would i take her back ? Probably no…
Did i think we would always be’ together? Yes
Do i feel any Malice? No
I think maybe she needs a new stage in her Life and maybe i do too. Ive worked with a lot of couples who have had affairs and managed to grow afterwards and thats great. And i have seen lots who dont and limp along for a few more years till they fall apart
I dont think affairs happen out of a context…nothing in Life does.
I have 4 children and 3 baby’s moms. I can relate from both sides. Ive been a cheater and I’ve been the deceived.
I’m not telling you my story in hopes of it mending your feelings in any way. Just to show you how God works things out, after some years.
I was with my middle daughter’s mom for a few months when she got pregnant. I had 1 daughter from a previous marriage at that time and I didn’t want another child. I was under the impression that this person I was with at that time ( we’ll call her “A” ) was unable to get pregnant. She did and I felt the responsible thing to do was have an abortion. This didn’t sit well with A and we had a pretty upsetting argument that ended with an agreement that we would separate for few days.
During that few days I met and hooked up with “C” we fell in love almost instantly. “A” came by to get some stuff and C was there. It broke her heart. I stayed with C and a couple months later C was pregnant also. C and I drank together and C was a little on the trashy side. When we’re found out she was pregnant she did stop drinking and things started getting real. We weren’t connecting like we use to and at 3 months pregnant she took off to her mom’s. Where I later found out she was cheating on me while pregnant. We stayed together until the birth of my son and she continued being a cheater. I was being faithful to her and trying to make it work but still drinking heavily and working allot of hours as I had a business to run.
The relationship continued to get more tumultuous. Mean while I had another daughter from A who I had never seen.
Eventually C had hooked up with my brother and soon confessed her many affairs to me that had happened over the course of our relationship. I wasn’t willing to continue the relationship and I left her. Hired child custody lawyers and began the fight for my son that I had with C. 20k$ later I had a court order to see him every weekend. She didn’t honor the court order and the cops would not go get my son so I gave up on court and gracefully bowed out of the fight. Because I didn’t attend court she was able to get a restraining order on me. She then moved in with my brother who then assumed the roll of uncle Dad. It was very hard to accept but there was nothing I could do about it. My brother was his “dad” for a couple years. To this day I have never heard my son talk. I did see him take his first steps before I lost him from my life. My brother over saw the rest.
I got sober and began to reconcile the relationship with my daughter from A. In the course of being there for her A and I began reconciling our relationship as well. Not to long after I was awarded 238k$ for a car accident I was in. A and I got a house and got back together and she got pregnant again. At 8 months pregnancy we’re were excited to have our new daughter Harley Grace. Wet went in for a
Normal ultra sound and were told that our daughter had expired. We had to go home and wait 24 hours for my wife to go into labor before we could finally go deliver or dead daughter. She had 5 fingers, five toes, blue eyes and she was already with God. This drove us back to using and drinking for the next year. I lost my business and were blew through a quarter million dollars in 10 months. We lost or home and lived in a travel trailer for the next couple years. We had a son during that time. We got clean for the birth of him and son after began drinking and using again. We lost everything and were living out of our cars. We are happily both clean and sober today trying to rebuild our life. We are happily married. After working my steps I made amends to C for my drinking, for working to many hours, for not being enough for her that she felt she needed another man. I learned that her and my brother are no longer together and they hate each other. They were using meth together and both still suffer from the disease. My son is back in my life and I’m free while they are both miserable and drowning in addiction. I pray for them both daily to have the happiness and freedom I have. I couldn’t be happier with my wife and my life I have today. My expectation when I fell in love with C was that I would spend the rest of my life with her. Thank God that was an unrealistic expectation. God knew better what was best for me than I did. I’m grateful today for God’s will and not my own. I love the life I have today. I never want to return to the heart ache I felt then but the pain it took to get to where I’m at I’d do a thousand times over to be this free and happy
Thank u for sharing. A bit of me thinks this is meant to happen. I dont understand where It will take me but i have faith
That’s a great attitude! Let go and let God. Remember this pain will end a chapter of your life. You will feel it for a while but the chapter your starting will likely bring happiness to the same degree you feel pain right now
Wowbthat was touching and your story will help me along my journey that’s for sure, u never know what’s going to happen or why but t does and aren’t you happy it!! Happy for you all and so proud wow!!! And so well said
How are things now?
She’s having an affair and wants you out?make her leave
Calmer. I moved to cornwall in july
She suddenly changed her mind in july and wanted me to stay so i moved out to Cornwall
Hi @Timetochange I’m glad things have calmed down for you. I know it’s still a bit soon but I saw this and thought of you…
stay strong! I truly believe that everything happens for a reason 
Day one for me. But I know what i have to do. I Am going to need support this time
Sorry to hear. Do you know what kind of support you wanna go to ore seek?
