I relapsed again yesterday its very hard with my husband being an alcoholic as well. It seems like this will never end like I will just keep going in circles. I had 2 full days and I was feeling better was in a good mood. Finished cleaning my house then found his vodca bottle by the microwave on the counter. I should of just dumped it and feeling the way I do now I dont know why I didnt. Its getting to the point where I dont even want to drink but I end up forcing myself to when its around and I dont understand why. I started again this morning but by the afternoon I stopped it I usually end up on a 3 or 4 day binder but I just told myself no and stopped ate food drank lots of water and sobered up so feeling pretty proud of that. Its just hard my kids hate the booze and so do I just need to get back on the sober train and start over again. I feel like Iv been trying for so long I should just be able to do it now. Does anyone else go through this? Sometimes I feel like Im crazy.
I checked out AA meetings and found people who TOTALLY understood my experience of drinking. it really helped me not feel alone and to learn how to step off that merry go round.
Here’s a quick read.
I know I had a lot of the same questions that you did and this chapter really answered some of them.
I hear you. I was on that hamster wheel for years and boy did my self esteem and self confidence take a major hit. I felt so worthless and disappointed in myself. But I just kept drinking. I was so sick of myself, so very very sick of myself.
It sounds like you need more of a plan. I would start with reading everything I could on here. Especially threads about a spouse or partner who still drinks. You might also want to get a list going to remind you of what you want in life and what drinking really offers…my list is on my phone and is what I read when I think…hey, maybe a drink would be okay…cuz…my drinking is not in any way going to miraculously become a good thing. I know exactly where drinking leads…I drank for 40+ years, believe me, there is nothing new available on that route. And you surely are not going to wake up and suddenly have a positive relationship with alcohol. Getting real and honest about the mess and chaos drinking brought to my life helped me immensely.
So…start reading and posting and checking in here every day…as much as you can. Start a walking program if you can get out of the house…take the kids or not. Go to AA if that’s your thing, or SMART or Refuge Recovery. Start meditating or yoga or the 12 steps recovery yoga (usually free). Find some stuff to keep you busy…baking, cooking, crafts, puzzles, reading, baths, walking, the gym, writing, journaling, scrapbooking…there are tons of ideas on here to inspire.
Most of all…don’t drink today. You CAN get and stay sober. Have faith in your self and your ability to heal and grow and change. 
My husband is an alcoholic too. I couldn’t force him to stop and knew I had to find other ways to cope. I started going to AA meetings and the support was overwhelming. My husband started noticing how much progress I’ve made in every part of my life and he finally decided to jump on board. Now we’re repairing our relationship and working on our own sobriety individually.
I do know I meed to do more things I used to do a lot of things things that I enjoyed and over these last 2 years I v just stopped doing everything really. I tend to just hide away in the house and I know its not good for me. We both got new jobs and are moving on the out skirts of town to a place we both really like I am excited to start this new job so Im hoping that helps. Im not a fan of AA its a small town and Im not a fan of most the people there. I come on here sometimes and have a few family members that I talk to. I keep telling myself as long as I dont give up Im heading in tge right direction just need to get my feet planted on it.
I can totally relate. I used to drink a TON…every single day. I recently read “Quit Like a Women” and it changed my view on alcohol. The first week is really hard. Try to stay busy and go to bed early. Find some good books about sobriety and go to bed early. But try to make a commitment to not drink and never question that decision. You are worth it!
I loved that book so much!!! I definitely second the recommendation to read Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker.
You might also find this thread helpful…lots of resources, including books and podcasts…
This thread has links to many other threads you may find useful as well…
Thanks guys I do like reading so this will be helpful. If I can just make it the first week I know it will get easier Iv done it many times just need to get in gear do it again and just keep it going this time. Its always nice to come on here always makes me feel better.
Dump it if there’s a next time. The feeling of success when you do… It’s great!
MAKE A DECISION… Not to try… But to succeed. Trying leaves room to not try. No matter what, don’t pick up the first drink. ODAAT… just today. Decide to live sober.
It must be so hard. Understand the drinking for sake of it… i felt it was because my self esteem was so low it was what i did and was. The advice on this thread is what i followed writing and a mobile screenshot as @SassyRocks suggests it a great tool. I also have a photo of a glass of wine on bedside cabinet taken one morning while drinking it makes me shudder when i view it… you can do it . I am on day 45 and feeling like a different person good and bad but happily sober. I done it by been on here lots and building my toolbox from all the support and advice on here. Good luck stay strong and reach out 
and keep posting 
