Yesterday, another friend of mine decided to checkout. He was an alcoholic but kept a job until let go recently. Sweetest guy, great musician, cook and an awesome friend. I am beside myself.
RIP Paul. I will always remember your tequila-lime chicken. Now I will go and listen to the music we used to enjoy by the bonfire in the backyard. I hope your suffering ended without pain.
Me, no need for a pity party but, I drank and got really drunk in front of perhaps my closest friend here. She told me that she would never want to see me like this again. That, I am a strong person and this is all about willpower which I have plenty of. They do not understand. I am back on track today but pretty broken. Having an extremely hard time hanging onto why should I stay sober? I intend to but, I am not there emotionally.
Drinking tea and chewing cardamom pods and watching some weird, paranormal tv show.
Thank you for listening. I have no one to talk about my issues and addiction openly. I just need one person to understand me.
I’m so sorry you’re missing your good buddy… It does suck; I still can’t talk about two of my good friends who have passed in the past few years; one just a few months ago. Be kind to yourself hun; grieve in your own way and send him off with a prayer.
You should stay sober to honour Paul by living the life he was sadly unable to live, I’m incredibly sorry for your loss my thoughts are with you and his family tonight.
Damn, that’s a lot to carry. I lost a friend, bipolar, which I knew nothing of until I met him, and I grieved long and hard for a solid year. I was married at the time and my friend was GORGEOUS. I used to call him Mr. Armani. He had one of the best senses of humor I have ever had the privilege of peeing pants over.
When he took his life, I had no one to cry too. My husband? Yeah, uh, no. He hated the guy because he was “perfect”. (My ex is an MD and a needy, control freak. He was of zero support). I used to cry every morning and night when I fed my horses at the barn. I was alone with my animals and sobbed twice daily for a long time. His car? I swear, every corner has one, I’d get passed by them, they’d park by me…I was HAUNTED in my grief.
Forgive yourself for getting shredded. It’s done. You didn’t OD on alcohol, so take a Netflix vacation, turn your environment into a gentle space and nurture yourself. Buy a plant, smelly candles, cry, sit in the sauna at the gym, maybe find a grieving place if you can’t do it openly? Mine was my barn. And I found comfort in those that knew him. I ache for you. I hate death. The adjustment and acceptance takes WAY too long. What sucks? I’ll always wonder, if he had a chance to do it over, would he have stuck it out? Many people did, yes. That was painful to hear. He loved life on the whole. Sooooo sad for you.
After my husband passed, I drank hard for years. I thought being numb was my only way to survive. It only darkened my path. Made it a lot harder. Take care of yourself. Wish I could tell you the pain goes away, but it doesn’t. Instead, I’ve learn to live with it. My heart goes out to you.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I didn’t know him, but he sounds like a beautiful person and I’m sad he is no longer with us. I don’t know your pain of loss, but I believe that it is heavy and not a thing for words to describe, and I understand why alcohol appealed to you for easing it.
And you don’t need anyone to tell you the other side of it, you know drinking is not how you want to do this. I know this because you stopped, you feel regret, you are trying to cope in other ways now, and you reached out to us to help remind you how precious sobriety is.
If you hadn’t decided to get sober with us, we wouldn’t be sharing the joys and ugliness of life together. I don’t know what you normally would be doing if you were drinking instead, but most of us do not engage in truly rewarding activities so much when we’re drunk, and if we do we rob ourselves of much of that reward. We also don’t grow much when we aren’t sober, and don’t become more the people we want to become. We don’t experience life in full definition and colour or have much clarity, when we drink. It also masks who we really are underneath the substance, and robs others of a little bit of humanity. And isn’t drinking a pain? Really? Acquiring it, paying for it, hiding it, excusing it, regretting it, getting sick fun it, hangovers from it, cleaning up life consequences after it, the whole deal.
And maybe you need time to catch up emotionally to wanting to stay sober. Right now you intend to stay sober, and that can be enough for right now. When the emotional overtime starts to ease, the feelings might start to catch up with that intent to stay sober. Just a random idea of mine, anyways, I don’t claim any predictive power or deep understanding of the way your emotions work.
I am glad you came here to talk about this. I hope you hear something that helps you.
I’m sorry to hear about your sweet friend Paul. The after effects of a suicide never go away but they do fade. Take time to honor the happy memories you had with him. Take time for yourself and keep coming back here for support. You had a stumble off the sobriety path but you can get back on this path again.
I’m really sorry to hear about your loss. I was just thinking I hadn’t seen you posting recently. When my dad died, I wrote a story about him and I found that very cathartic. I had a lot of guilt and pain that I needed to get out of me because I was torturing myself with an endless thought loop about it. The writing helped me with that. People get lost sometimes and it’s scary and sad and heartbreaking but we don’t need to follow them there to honor them. Throwing a depressant (alcohol) on depression isn’t going to make anything better or brighter. I hope that you can find some peace and again, I am so sorry for your pain.
I’m so sorry. Drinking leads to death in so many ways. Life is hard and we think drinking helps in dealing with it. I did. I stay sober now to be able to deal with life. Drinking will lead me to my death. I really hope you can find a way. It’s tough but we have to live life as good as we can. Drinking doesn’t help. We’re all here. we all know the deal. Hugs.
I had my brothers (MDMA od) 3rd anniversary onNovember 24th, sober. My best friends (shot himself) 1st anniversary is coming up in a week. Another best friends (shot herself) 4th coming up in April 2. I had a slip on October 19th and last night. I am sober now though it feels like I am losing my grip.
Thank you everyone for your support. It is priceless.
I like this idea of writing a story. I might do that about mine. Struggling with some thoughts and feelings after his death so this is s good idea. Thanks for sharing
Wow, that’s heavy and an awful lot to take on. Can you talk to a therapist or counselor?
Maybe you change your environment for a little bit? No matter what is going on in my life, I’ve always found that changing my physical location (even if it’s just a long car drive or bus ride out of my city) helps my head by giving me a change in perspective. When I’m struggling with loss or sadness, I find that I need to pull myself out of my own thoughts–look outside myself.
With the tremendous loss you have experienced and are experiencing, I would want to talk to a professional to help me navigate it. Don’t get swept away. Be gentle and kind to yourself.
I moved to Montenegro a year after I lost my brother. After seven months I quit drinking. None of the three dimensional help is available here, just online. TS has saved me is an understatement. I don’t like drunk me, who does? As hard as it is I will push it one minute a time if it is what it takes.
Very sorry for your loss. Sending you big hugs.
Ah, friend. I am so sorry to hear this. I, this person, understand you, so much.
All of my positive vibes and love. I will not try to placate, just know I am here and I hurt for you, for your friend, for your friend’s friends and family. XXOO
Thank you @EarnIt. As devastated as I am with the precious lives lost and for what reason exactly, I am also dissapointed in myself about not keeping my sobriety continuously. However, I will not give up hope that I can keep sober regardless of what happens in my life. Thank you for your support.
We understand you. I understand you. I’ve been where you are, except it was a family member, then it was me. Harsh, but true…you must look forward. Yesterday is yesterday. Feel the pain, accept it, and move on. You’re yesterday makes you stronger for today. It’s time to make the decision of who and what you are going to be. May peace come to you and strength be you side arm. It’s time to make yours your own.
I needed this thread today. I get very down after the holidays, dark days, cold New England winters, my kids live with my ex- in another country and having just seen them I won’t be with them again for 7 months… I’m early in my sobriety and have struggled with depression most of my adult life, now I don’t even have the drink to help numb the emptiness. The comments from everyone helped put a dose of reality to the dark thoughts rumbling through my head. I’m sorry for your loss, @LuluJo. I hope the thoughts and well wishes from others here have helped you some. They have made a difference for me.