Hello Trevor. your message made me sad. I am sorry to hear you are in relapse mode.
I don’t need to be cos you are being real with yourself. the same ability to examine yourself and face your own reality that I have always liked about your posts is exemplified well in this analysis of your situation. so there is nothing for me to tell you other than that you are a capable, intelligent and worthy person who obvs needs some more help and structures in place to be able to overcome addiction and get on w life. It can be done and you can do it. you have what it takes, I am very sure of that.
I dont know how far you’ve come in your recovery before you went back out and how much you’ve been able to get at the reasons of why you use. for me, I am such that I get intensely, backbreakingly depressed and intensely anxious and fearful and paranoid when I face obstacles and emotional conflicts. of which I had many, especially w my family.
that is all still the case, even with 3.5yrs sober. I used to not be able to deal w that, the way I am, so I drank.
I dunno what your deal is. but I know how hard it is to learn to live w the unlive-with-able. so I know it can be done, many ppl do it. they try and try and eventually they learn and they even change to a certain extent.
what is your deal? what do you need to learn to live with and slowly face your handling of in your life? I think you need to start to look at these causes. cos you don’t just use cos you’re an addict, but you use because using has a function in your life, it “helps” you deal with something, tho as we all know, it does not really help.
come back to the checkin. even if you don’t string together days yet, the exchange will do you good. and let’s think what else you can do to get you off the ground again. off the ground Trevor is really damn awesome.
inspiration:
Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)