Might have something to do with the weed? Have you considered that physical and psychological withdrawals from THC could actually have a real impact on your outlook, motivation, and emotions?
I am not doctor, psychologist, OBGYN, or behaviorist, and I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but it stands to reason that the effects of the very thing you are trying to quit, may be what is holding you down.
I’ve heard people say that “weed is not physically addictive”, and these “experts” are those who use it all the time. To me, it’s like an alcohol abuser arguing that alcohol isn’t addictive, because they themselves can go weeks between benders. Yet the evidence is there. When they drink, they drink to excess. Yes, some people drink “moderately”. A lot of people don’t.
Stands to reason that while “some people” can use THC “moderately”, there are others who use it all the time, “to chill”, “to take the edge off”, “to get me through the day”. I made these same arguments with alcohol.
And while I’ve never used cannabis as an adult, and the last time I did, Ronald Reagan was in his first term as US President, I do remember what it was like when I did. It was everyday, several times a day. Before school. During school. After school. Before work. On my meal break. After work. Before bed. I did it to “take the edge off, chill, and get me through the day”. I remember how hard it was to quit.
I quit because I looked at my 17 year-old life, and what options I had for 18, 19, and beyond. I looked 5 years ahead, and didn’t like what I saw. I would graduate High School, keep working the decent job I had, dating the same girls I’d always dated, maybe marry one some day, hanging with the same crowd I’d always hung with, doing the same things we’d always done. I wanted something more than what was immediately in front of me. I wanted to get out of “the old neigborhood”.
In order to “get out” and do something bigger and better, I had to quit smoking weed. It was hard, but I wanted a better life, more than I wanted the high. I had the peer pressure. It was just part of who we were. I had to develop the self-discipline to say “no” to self. I kept my “eye on the prize”.
I got my something more. That one chance to change my trajectory, and it’s made all the difference in my life. I still consider my decision to join the USMC as the best one I’ve ever made, and if I’d chosen to keep smoking weed, that’d never have happened. I did it. You can too.