@Pleausy, how the hell are you? I know you were going through a lot. Hope you are still trucking.
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Yessssss ! I need to learn and listen what’s going on inside my heart and mind. I’m starting therapy next week and I just have to step away from that first drink. Thanks 
for your words
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I’m starting to really believe that alcohol is poison to me , like if I was really allergic or something. My dad was the typical alcoholic, or at least he portrait what I thought an alcoholic would look like. Drinking every day , he was very calm and quiet , he would come home after work and listen to music or watch a movie with a glass of whiskey in his hands , after a few years his finances and work and everything else crumble because of his drinking. Then the nightmare started I remember him drinking from 9 am to midnight … hen wasn’t able to work or do much , he gain a lot of weight and was very isolated at that time … he almost died until I manage to convince him to go to rehab and thanks God became sober. Why I’m telling you this ? Because this is not my story. I could say that I’m a very good mom , god friend I’m very very responsable and someone you can trust I can even drink a few times and Behave “normal” but then it happens : I binge , so hard and do things that I don’t remember or I would never do sober … I feel super ashamed and miserable and a few months ago I started asking my self why I was doing this ? A few years ago this events would happened maybe once a year o every 3 years , now it’s every week and when I drink I can’t think , I don’t have any will I just want to keep drinking and pass out. My oldest son ,14, tells me : mama please don’t drink , you hurt your self and this Brakes my heart. He even told me I don’t want you to be like grandpa , I don’t want you to become an alcoholic …
so it’s about time for me to get my self together an admit I can’t control it. I will keep trying and even if it’s very hard to come back and come clean and be honest, at least I know there’s is hope and people here are sober and happy.
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Did she include this forum?
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Ahhh - I’m glad to see you. Oh my goodness - how many years did I know I needed to quit before it finally stuck? The important thing is that you are trying again, taking care of yourself, and working to make a better life for you! I’m sorry things have been so rough. Depression is a beast - but sounds you are using all the right tools to deal with it.
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Hey Derek, I’m doing good 
Sadly I’m not on vacation lol. I tried to cut my online time bc I was constantly online on my phone or computer 
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I was gonna “miss” you this morning! I knew you were hanging back on the socials but I miss your goofballness!
Chad R was a great member. I’m sad he decided to log off, but grateful for his time here.
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He has a different name, but hasn’t been on regardless
This place goes through phases, for sure.
I took a couple of months off around December/January. Came back refreshed and ready to watch the chaos. 
I think I remember thinking you were gunna get the boot.
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It’s been pretty boring since the great cheesecake debate ended.
We miss you while you’re gone but we totallt get it!
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