There wasn’t a an ongoing thread that I could find (several individual ones and I didn’t want to thread crash) – so there is now. So um yeah. I guess I can’t slink in the back door if I start the thread, huh?
For those that don’t know, I measure my sobriety from the day of my first meeting – Columbus Day 2017. I think I had some sobriety before then but it is all so so so fuzzy. I remember being sweaty, scared, and still trying to process what had happened to me two weeks prior sitting in that cramped room at the 46th St Clubhouse – not even realizing the miracle that had brought me there. The speaker could not be more different than I was, he was HIV positive, a variety of drugs and dealing of drugs, homeless, prostitution, and so on and so forth. But when he talked of the soul sickness that made him take that first drink, which then led to everything else – including getting this horrendous disease, I felt that connection. But despite all this, he wasn’t miserable… how could he not be miserable and be eaten alive with everything he had been through.
The day before my therapist set me up with a guy that ran a sober living facility that ended up being way beyond my means. When the recruiting session didn’t go well, it turned into a kind of 12th step call – where he told me that he would have his people reach out and get in touch with me – because I was never going to go to a meeting (and thought there was a great one a couple hours away, he for whatever reason, wasn’t going to help me get to that one). After that was over, my therapist asked me to try to go to one meeting that week (not knowing what happened in the meeting with this guy).
That MF told me I couldn’t make it to a meeting on my own. HOW DARE HE!? I was going to show him! I looked for a meeting around my office that next day. Being a holiday, it was a bit quieter so I should be able to sneak out and make one to show that bastard that GOAT CAN DO IT. I went to what I thought was the address. The door was locked. Odd. Maybe this wasn’t it. I looked it up on my phone. That was it – but nothing that indicated that there was any meeting. Clearly the universe didn’t want me to make a meeting.
Just as I was about to give up - a guy asked me if I was looking for the meeting. Me? What meeting? Huh? I don’t even remember if i managed to mutter anything. He then said – wait today is a holiday isn’t it, the church is closed. I forgot about all the announcements about this he said. Again – the universe didn’t want me to make a meeting. I tried and the universe, not me, willed it not to be.
He then looked at me and said, if you really want to make a meeting, I know where one is just on there other side of TSQ. We should be able to make it if you want to go. Somehow, I said yes. We hustled through the crowds and made it. I grabbed one of the last chairs in the back and that started this journey on the road to happy destiny. Had my now friend not stopped to ask if I was looking for the meeting (or forgotten that the meeting was cancelled b/c holiday) who knows how things would have turned out for me.
For those of you that are sober curious, just starting, or cannot seem to string together more than a couple days, please know this – you are worth a sober life. If you do the work to get better, you will get better. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but you will get better.
It isn’t easy, but I can promise you, even at the seemingly lowest points, it is worth it.
Much love to everyone. 
