Dr Seuss
76 days done,I went out for first time with family, birthday drinking do…it was a witches and wizards themed drinking thing…I had non alcoholic versions of everything so I didn’t feel at all like I was missing out.i had fun too… had a couple of coffees as well to keep upbeat…all good.
Day 77… been helping my sister pack her house…tired,but grateful i was clean to help.
78 days with out alcohol, I found tonight when I was teaching that my words weren’t coming out as I wanted them to,I felt like I was still in active drinking and not making sense, not sure what’s going on but was finding it hard to get the words out, a reminder of how my brains been fucked up by years of substance abuse… working out that everytime I am binge ing on sugary stuff my joints get inflamed and get stiff and muscles ache. When I don’t,the body is fine.
Day 79 and no desire to get wasted, I volunteered at a youth group Tonight and really enjoyed it,felt a like a spare part at first,but just added words where I could and did some hot glue gun activity with a couple of youths 
, I liked the format of how it’s run,…it was very cool, … it is positive action I can do every week
80 days clean and sober, just a couple of months and I feel sooo far away from the life I was trying to live day in day out for years,it’s incredible,it’s a real miracle, I’m grateful,thankyou Universe.
It’s been scaring me the force that is trying to get children jabbed with an experimental vaccine that has already killed over 10,000 Europeans and 400,000 seriously injured,(European Medicine Agency report)…These facts that some people are just blind to are what I accept that I cannot change,and have the courage to change the things I can…https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9719891/amp/Inventor-mRNA-vaccines-says-young-adults-teens-not-forced-COVID-vaccine.html
82 days,I gotta find something to keep me occupied…the days are full doing ‘stuff’ but not really anything at all!..I need to eat nice lunch and sit with myself a bit to see what answers come up…
Bored bored bored, … Not hungry, not angry, not lonely and I had a nap for over an hour 
jumped into some meetings,I’m not safe bored in my own head.
84 days and intuitive thinking is definitely working again.
This weekend was the children’s dads weekend except he wanted me to pick up yesterday night so he could go to a party…that’s fine…
He had plans for the children today to go out to lunch at the girlfriends parents and her two children,that’s fine but kind of knew it wasn’t going to happen…
So today waiting for him to reply to my messages and it came to midday and he finally replied said I’d meet him halfway as I was going out to lunch somewhere…
Waited at meeting place to receive phonecall and that voice that has ‘very hungover,just got up,I’ve been up all night’ tones, that lunch was cancelled,he was really sorry etc etc…
I said that’s fine…I kind of knew it would happen…
The children were obviously upset but I apologized for him…
He ring five minutes later saying lunch was back on and he ‘needed’ the children to come and it was all back on…
I basically said no I’m making a parental decision, they weren’t feeling too great anyways and that they were already upset by the cancellation…
He said I need them I need them to come
Basically no I’m sorry that’s not happening I’m taking them home…( Felt quite brave and correct in my decision.)
End of the day,he’s unfortunately been up all night had an argument with his missus, I am assuming,and I won’t let the children see that anymore. It’s not fair on them… So a happy Sunday that is definitely the best for my children today…
And my intuition served me right and because of this I acted calmly and firmly. 
I really do hope he doesn’t go back to old habits. He has just literally moved in with his girlfriend and her children,. Time will tell.
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Kids pulled a sicky,so had to take one of my two days off work off …
. I made them help me sort out old toys for eBay and got a parcel together for music magpie (old dvds, CDs and books for cash)…so productive , I am hoping they are going to understand that they have to be Real sick in the future for me to forfeit a days wage. 
. 85 days no alcohol.
Gotta get up and go to shop to get some coffee 
…ran out yesterday, whatever crutch I have is fine at the moment,so long as I don’t pick up alcohol,
88th day and I have overdosed on coffee today…found some ground stuff in my cupboard,not putting so much in tomorrow 
… gotta cut down… total addict 
90…I’m here. At 90
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U hit 90 days today? Wowwww thats whats up im 51 days in never hit 90 days in my life my gawddddd do I want this so bad ur diary is sick I like that . Congrats im just another soldier trying so hard to go that same path!!!
Well that was one hell of a 90th day,
A ‘Sargeant’ called my workplace this morning,and I shat my pants ‘what have I done now’!..
My children’s father was in a cell and couldn’t pick up the children, was quite worried about him but they wouldn’t tell me anything of course,but said it wasn’t because he was drunk,which I asked straight away…I had obviously made up a story in my head because of last weekend journal entry
.my eldest daughter was home with the children so was all okay to an extent…
Later on I had a phone call from his current partner,she started by saying that he had had some sort of breakdown,he had had some moments of not knowing where he was and then had come to (just after a shower),and they’d been out for dinner and he couldn’t read the menu and his words weren’t coming out properly,then returned to the house he had just moved into and smashed the house up,blood,and police were called by a neighbor, mental health team was called and today he had been crying , confused,and scared and anxious.
It has upset me ,I had thoughts of drinking to be honest,but it’s not going to solve anything…
He has texted to say he’s okay and had sleep…
Pretty shitty and scary 90th day…
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95th day done, hadn’t done a meeting for maybe two weeks and grateful I got onto an online meeting tonight… I’ve been acting like an alcoholic without the alcohol last ten days…days have disappeared into each other,not doing much other than drinking shit loads of coffee…I’m an addict and I’ve got to arrest the addictive side of me. I surrender. I need help 
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98 days .
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Just amazing reading your journal! Keep going keep sharing 
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