After the last meeting which was candlelight and under that tree. We were all talking about that tree and all the people it has helped. Someone said its the tree of life.
Your reference to the bible was really cool!
Thank you!
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Hi @JasonFisher, I have been reading your story for the past ten months. I have never been so inspired by someone as I have been with you. Your strength and honesty drives me. Have you ever thought of writing a book?
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Alot of people have asked me that in regards to this thread. I am considering it.
Positive feedback inspires me to keep sharing in this thread too.
Thank you!
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The tree of life.
This is the Alano Club, a recovery meeting hall in SLC. They have meetings here throughout the day. From 6AM to 10PM. 7 days a week normally. Currently due to Covid Thursday through Sunday. Theres a candle light meeting there in those nights under that tree. Its now my homegroup while I’m staying in SLC.
I went to my first AA meeting here 33 years ago. The courts sent me here. I was always getting in alcohol/drug related trouble. I went to one. I hated it. I didnt feel like I belonged here. The 12 step posters on the wall made me angry because the word God was in there. I judged everyone there, and I had never felt so out of place.
When I was at my second one I my facial expression must have told how I felt. Someone told me, that I dont have to be here. I could forge my court report card and nobody would ever know. Thats what I did. I was sentenced to 10 AA meetings. One a week. and I only went to one, and forged the rest. I never got caught, and successfully finished my sentence as far as the judge knew.
I got a drunk driving conviction. Those meetings were part of my punishment. I was 19, 2 years under the legal age for drinking.
A couple years later, I got in alot of trouble doing cocaine. I was seriously strung out, doing ridiculous amounts. My addiction got me introduced to the S.W.A.T. team. They raided my house.
It was my first drug offense, and I was able to plea bargain my way out of felony charges. I got placed on very strict probation. I wasnt allowed to get in any kind of trouble for five years. The felonies would stick. I would do five years in prison.
I was trying to be good, and stay away from cocaine, but I kept slipping because I hadnt figured out that I needed to stay away from slippery people places and things.
I came to from a blackout drunk and slightly recalled being roughed up by the police. My body hurt. I had bruises. I found a ticket in my pocket. The charges were public intox and resisting arrest. This violated my probation.I was disgusted with myself.
When I went to court the Judge was angry with me. He had every right to be. I had seen him alot in three years. I got arrested at least 25 different times from the time I was 18 to 21. He wasnt the only judge getting sick of seeing me. Always alcohol/drug related arrests.
He was going to throw the book at me, and asked me in a very authoritative angry loud voice if I had anything to say for myself.
I told him yes your honor. I’m 21 years old and my problem is cocaine. Alcohol is legal, and I’m of legal age to drink. The police hassled me because they wanted to find cocaine on me, and were disappointed when I didn’t have any, so they gave me these charges. I explained how I left my car at my friends house and was walking home, being responsible because I knew I was to drunk to drive.
I was just going with the words that came out of my mouth. I still dont remember any details of that night. It worked.
He sentenced me to 25 AA meetings instead of prison.
I forged my report card. I recognized during that 25 weeks, if I stayed in SLC I would end up in prison. I had to move to get away from the drugs. I kept slipping.
Thats what I did.
In 2002 I found this place again. This time I was there for me. I made the candle light meeting my home group. It was dark, I felt safe, and the candlelight was nice.
Im really happy to reconnect with it again!
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Its been building up for a while.
I thought the boys were coming this friday, but their mom and sister decided we wouldnt get them. I was really dissapointed.
Of course she had to start this while I was at work. Its record breaking heat. I work outside. Im busy, but the texts keep coming. The texts get shitty on her side, towards me.
Started comparing me to the old me. In a bad way like i was being a mean drunk.
I got text bombed about how I need to find another place. Shes tired of not being able to work out of there like she needs to. Shes going to have girls that shes going to interview to work for her prostitute agency. It part of her heidi fliess of utah dreams.
She spouts off these mile long texts talking to her microphone. It makes the texts so tiny i cant read it.
So i agreed to get out last night, and ignored the rest of her shitty texts.
I had a huge anxiety attack at work yesterday. I was able to calm myself down. I realized i had given her my good mood. I was feeling really good before she started her bullshit.
I packed up everything. Im done there.
I was so angry yesterday that I wanted to talk to the sister amd let her know everything their mom is doing.
I thought about calling the police and tipping them off. But I dont know if thats the right thing to do.
So I decided to think about it until monday.
Im less angry today, I feel amazing knowing that her insanity no longer effects me daily.
I kept my cool the entire time. For whatever reason she trusted me enough to give me plenty of ammunition to make things hard for her.
If I use it, i dont know what to expect. So im reluctant. I have nothing to lose.
I need to talk to the sister and go from there. Ive been warming up for it.
Feeling strong in sobriety today!
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JFC. I don’t know how you do it man. You’re a super hero. I’m so happy you know that nothing gets better with drinking. Especially this type of shit. I’m not all caught up on your kids her kids or whatever. But I’d get the hell out if I were you. You don’t need this bullshit. I know you must have some very valid reasons you can’t just up and go away. And I respect and admire you for that.
You said you were good in your sobriety. That’s awesome.
Just don’t drink. You know that outcome.
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You’ve come so far in your thought process of her sister. Reaching out to her before you leave is probably your best bet. Having direct contact to your kids without having to go thru the ex will make your life easier. I think it’s time the sister knows about the ex’s lifestyle. You’ve got nothing to loose. Your the sober one, shining like a star.
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Im not going to make any decisions until Monday.
Being out of there for several days now has been magical.
Blocking her number until monday has been magical. Its so easy to send a shitty response in the heat of anger.
I didnt get shitty the other day, but I was close. I wanted to. I wanted to burn it down, but this time out has allowed me to get my serenity back.
Im amazingly calm today, and I feel really good.
I have the day off, and I woke up early, enjoyed the sunrise, got some time to myself and was able to get clarity of mind back.
Im staying with dear long term friends. It was just going to be for the weekend but they want me to stay until I leave which is really cool.
Their moms apartment is in a shitty part of town. We dont smoke inside so I had to subject myself to the insanity of da hood. Where dealers, crackheads, and other unsavory characters would approach me.
Now I’m close to the mountains, with a peaceful backyard, bird feeders and hummingbirds buzzing in and out non stop.
Its been a crazy week!
I called my sponsor to check in last night. Willingness to call is new for me.
He wanted me to go to a meeting with him. I was exhausted, and didnt want to. I did it anyways, which is also new for me.
It was incredible!
I had so many mental blocks regarding AA. I feel like I have moved past those, and the benefits are already are so amazing.
The 12 promises are coming true.
I feel as though I’ve been rocketed into the 4th dimension like it describes in the big book.
I booked my flight yesterday. Work is good here and its going to cool off soon. So im gonna bank as much money as I can before returning home.
October 9th i head back to my comfort zone.
Im going to finish school shopping and buy each of my kiddos a computer like I promised when I first got here.
After their mom and I shared next week, I’m going to contact the sister and see if I can spend some visitation time without their mom.
Im undecided on whether I should tell the sister what their mom has been doing. I have more time to think about that.
As uncomfortable as this has been, I have healed alot, stayed sober, and feel a strong sense of self worth which I had zero of when I found this forum.
I have a sense of positive direction in my life again.
Everything is going to be OK.
I have some more challenges coming soon. I feel ready!
291 days since my final relapse!
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I’m really happy that you found a nice place to stay for the duration of your trip. Staying with the ex was very toxic.
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It was. Im glad I did though. Now I know exactly what I’m dealing with. Same shit different decade.
It was good on many levels. She is so hollow inside. She made a joke about her being the consumer of mens souls a few weeks ago.
I witnessed enough to see that its her soul being consumed.
Im really grateful that I was smart enough to not fall for her advances.
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so happy for your strength!!
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8am 65 degrees…and not fishing 
must be taking my wife
I need a fishing day too.
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My timeout from their mom was great!
It gave me a chance to do alot of thinking.
Ive had to check my motives.
While I was there she gave me enough ammunition to make her life really hard. I could disclose everything I know to the sister and she wouldn’t be able to see the boys for a long time pending on her getting her shit together.
Part of me really wants to do that. Payback, revenge whatever you want to call it. Selfish motives. Justifiable? Yes!
Do I need to do it?
No, shes doing it without my help.
We have our last shared visit this summer. It started last friday. She was late, and pretty much wasted my time all weekend.
My oldest and I wanted to go flyfishing, but she got angry and had major attitude about it.
It stressed my son out. Big time! We went for a hike and he told me that he canceled his last visit because she stresses him out. He said he loves her, but he doesnt like to be around her.
Hes not stupid. She doesnt sleep for days. Tells stupid lies about what she does, and her mood swings…
I told him this is the last shared visit I will have with her and I’m going to make it so I dont have to. He has a voice and The courts will listen to what they want.
I didnt bad mouth anybody. I didnt have to. My kids are smart!
I fullfilled every promise I made this summer. That feels great!
Even though my inner alcoholic still tries to work me. Its got nothing that can rattle me enough to take that first drink!
Sobriety has allowed me to control my emotions and walk through diffecult situations gracefully.
Repairing my relationship with my kids has eliminated my inner alcohics biggest tool to use to keep me drunk.
Feeling amazing at
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That’s all great to hear, Jason. Life has a way of working out the kinks without our interference.
And absolutely your boys are not oblivious to their mother’s present state of mind. You can’t really hide that stuff.
Your time with them has made ME happy I can only imagine how you feel!
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As hard and dramatically complicated your summer has been, it sounds like it was a success for you. And repairing you relationship with your kids is what it’s all about IMO. I know sobriety is suppose to be doing it for yourself. But doing it for your kids too, is also a powerful blessing from God. I don’t really think it matters why so much as long as we’re doing it. You’re so fucking strong man. God Bless you.
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Woo hoo! Congratulations on 10 months Jason. You’ve come so far in you’re sobriety and relationships. I’m really proud of you.
Have you talked to the sister about contacting the boys thru her rather than the ex? I sure hope she sees the dramatic changes you’ve made. You certainly have proved you’re a great dad this summer.
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Woo hoo!! Way to go on 300 days!! Sounds like everything is working itself out. Sobriety is truly amazing!!
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This week is the last shared visit we have for the summer. I plan to talk to the sister after its over. I didn’t want to cause any waves until this visit is over. I dont want to risk losing this visit.
I spent last weekend with them. I have to work this week until Thursday. Then i will get to spend Friday through Monday with them.
They are at their grandparents cabin with their mom.
Next week surfs up! Im going to work with the sister. Their mom probably wont like it.
I was nice to her. Even when she was wasting all of our time. I told my oldest my plan. He seemed really excited about it.
Im hoping I can take them by myself for two more weekends before I leave.
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I’m staying with some old friends. They are great people. My brother from another mother that I grew up with, and his girlfriend and two daughters live here.
The girls are drinkers. Hes not. They were drinking when I got home and were all pretty lit.
They had a fire going in the back yard, and were writing things on paper that they wanted to burn and get rid of during the full moon.
I thought it was pretty cool so I did it too.
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