Im checking in humbled and greatful. Tonight i led my first AA step meeting. We started on step one. Alot of people shared and the time flew by. I remembered a sober sisters share last week that leading a meeting is not about you, it doesnt matter how elaborate of a lead you give, a meeting can and will go off the wheels. Thankfully with a step meeting people kept it on topic and i learned lots about others and myself.
This meeting is held at a catholic church. Im not catholic but i like to go to the sanctuary and pray to my higher power. And tonight after the meeting i sat there in a dimmly lit sanctuary greatful and humble and i open my eyes and realize i dont feel alone as a single tear falls from my eyes. It was a beautiful, peaceful moment.
You must freely give what you were given to continue to help your fellow alcoholic.
Im so greatful for AA. Went to my regular ladies meeting and i felt like i was with my people. It was nice. I needed it. Just so greatful im not obsessed with drinking anymore. Yeah i get fleeting thoughts. Those are frustrating. Like im fighting my own mind but with the support network ive built and regular aa mtgs i feel well equipped for the battle.
Having an off day. I was really struggling this morning. And my husband wakes up to say goodbye before i head to work and i saw him and just started crying. Idk how to describe it. Just uncomfortable in my skin and thoughts. Maybe this is depression in sobriety. Maybe its just a off day. Well my husband took the day off to stay with me. At first i didnt want to inconvenience him but im greatful for him. I napped this morning. Upstairs couch and downstairs couch. After my naps and some left over chicken fried rice i was feeling 50% better. My hubby convinced me to go for a walk. Got some sun. Feeling better. His love for me is amazing. Even if its handing me a pillow to hug or playing my favorite song. Im so very greatful for my best friend.
This weird depressed feeling is 1000x better sober. Im not suicidal just off. Which im trying to be greatful for. Just trying to get thru the day and hoping for a better tmrw
I feel this. From one who has been depressed and bed bound to another I am sending you a big 'ol hug and hope that the brain flips the script for tomorrow.
Hug that guy. Unconditional love kicks depression’s ass anytime.
This week ive been in a depressed state. Dont get me wrong, its no where as bad as when i was drinking. But uncharted territory for me sober. I didnt have suicidal ideation which is refreshing. Just crying. Unsettled. Uncomfortable in my skin. Not keeping commitments. Just negative. I find comfort in that everything is temporary even these moods.
Thursday i went to my first concert sober (Boys 2 men) and i wasnt tempted to drink. I was happy i wasnt missing the show chasing that next drink. Probably saved $60. Bought a tshirt instead. In bed by 11pm. I didnt have to stay up feeding that insatiable need to drink more and more.
Today i am free. Bad days are temporary and i wont let that dictate today.
Trying new things in sobriety is the spice of life. Today i made a new nonalcoholic drink. Tried to bake a new recipe. And went to a guided online meditation. Sometimes the fear of commitment prevents me from starting something. In my mind my knee jerk reaction is all or nothing or its not good enough. But by experiencing new things im learning and having fun. I tried a new online meditation and felt the energy within me. My thoughts quieted for a little bit. I dont have to dedicate hours to meditation and prayer to be committed. Even a 5min practice has benefits. Life isnt just black and white. My lived experience doesnt have to be either. Progress not perfection my friends.
@Cjp I’ve absolutely loved reading this thread from start to finish all in one sitting just now. I’m over 2 years sober but I had my first drinking dream last night and it definitely unsettled me. I woke up, came on here and this thread caught my eye. Thank you for this because I saw a lot of me in this thread and it has reaffirmed how grateful I am to still be sober. Keep doing what you’re doing , you’re an inspiration
Thank you so much @adeygaga49 i wanted to chronicle my time and look back at my progress. Thanks for reading and calling it inspiring. That touches my heart!
Checking in on a sober friday night…coming up on 9 months of sobriety next wednesday. I hope i dont get milestone malady.
Ive been eating healthier and moving more. People have noticed.
Someone here recently asked “who am i” and i was asking that same question when i started this journey last may. As of today i know i am a thoughtful, positive, caring individual who craves connection and an introvert at the same time. Im still exploring who i am in sobriety but im fuckin loving it.
Sobriety has given me so much. Granted i work it everyday, keep up on here, and hit atleast 3 AA meetings a week. I am a better more whole person than i was last april. I have energy and joy and hope. Im working on keeping my commitments even working thru my anxiety.
So…ive been tracking my moods on this app and i’ll get maybe 3 depressed days a month followed by a few days of mania. Im current feeling mania. Lots of energy, a strong sense of urgency, lots of talking and sharing, lots of anxiety. I will get thru it.
A funny thing happened earlier. I looked up at my hubby and said " i think my period affects my moods" lol his face was priceless…kinda like no shit but im not gonna say something here. I laughed. Its a new realization since getting sober because while i was drinking nearly every day i was just in depression or neutral.
Being sober is like living in technicolor. I still feel like a toddler learning how do do things for the first time sober. Im enjoying the growth and evolution the past 9 months.
It was an absolute realization that my monthly hormone fluctuations affect my moods. I started tracking my cycle with an app and two days before I start I am weepy and crazy feeling, the day before I am a slim goddess who is in love with the world and ready to take on anything. Before I just thought I was seriously unbalanced. Now when I feel out of control I check the app and it is usually calming for me. At least I have a reason for feeling so all over the place.
