I’m 29 years old, struggled with drinking for about 10 years. I have a wonderful husband and 3 fur babies at home that I love dearly. I cannot exactly say why I drink or why I turn to it. I feel like it’s not emotional (very well could be though), maybe it’s a mental thing or maybe it’s both. I truly believe I am an amazing person…when I’m sober. When I start drinking, anything and everything happens. Yelling/picking a fight with my husband, tears or I’ll try to hide it from my husband like I didn’t drink and try to act as sober as possible (even though he knows otherwise). It’s extremely embarrassing for me with how I act (especially when our neighbors are out) and that my poor husband has to deal with me. I have always found it difficult to talk about emotions (I don’t like getting other people involved with my feelings bc I don’t want to bring them down with me). I was going to the gym religiously in 2016 and that’s when I stopped drinking. I was too afraid of the calories. So I was sober for 8 months and slowly my old cycle came back into my life. I’m extremely ashamed of the person I’ve become and the ‘wife’ I am. My most recent sober free period was the month of February. I typically drink every other day…all day if I’m off work. I want to find ways to be happy and NOT need or want to drink. I want to stop killing myself and hurting my marriage and plan for children. 
Yesterday evening was my last drink.
Welcome! It takes a lot of courage to say all that, so hats off. My story is quite different but I see elements of your story in mine.
I was in a dark place 6 years ago, wondering how I’d ever get sober. I went too far and ruined my marriage, a career, friendships. In your story I see my beginning, that I realized I had a problem too big for me to handle. I also see in your story a strong desire to change.
The one thing I needed was the willingness to do whatever it took to change. I had to listen to and trust others who had been where I was and dug themselves out. I had to face past things I wasn’t willing to face, and admit things I didn’t want to admit. Simple but not easy, but once I did that, I got sober.
Thank you for sharing!!! I definitely don’t want to lose my marriage and family relationships. I guess I don’t really know where to start because I honestly don’t know what drives me to drink. Even before I take that first drink, in my head or I’ll even say it allowed “Sorry Collin” (my husband). I know every single time I drink it kills him and he’s at his wits end with me and the drinking. We’ve been together for 6.5 years, married 2 years in August and from the very start of our relationship, he knew I had a drinking problem. I don’t know what I need to do to even begin this journey.
The amount of choices on where to get help can be a blessing and a curse. Where to start paralyzed me for a time too. You chose to come to a great place here because plenty of others will share what works for them.
I started with telling a therapist who gave me a book on addiction. I read the stories of others and saw myself. That gave me the courage to go to a meeting. Then I got a sponsor. That got me sober for awhile but I wasn’t willing to work the steps and I relapsed again. Eventually I needed rehab, therapists, meetings, a sponsor, and step work.
You may need more or less, but none of it worked for me until I decided to do whatever it took.
Thank you @NealRecoveryCA
Its gotta be now or never. Here’s to having a fresh start and another chance!
I am a full believer in “if you want to be happy, then be happy”. That sounds so dismisive but it isn’t meant to be. It just means that your happiness is in your control. Some people in the most dire of situations can still be happy. Those who seem to have everything can be terribly tormented. It’s all about how you look at your situation.
Another saying that may work “I smile because I am happy, therefor I am happy because I smile”. There is some scientific evidence that the physical action of smiling creates good feelings. So give it a try, just smile and see if it doesn’t help.
I would also recommend a documentary called Hungry For Change. It used to be on Netflix so hopefully it still is today. In this documentary it talks about all aspects for making a happier life…dietary changes, getting outside for exercise (just a walk in the sun), watching funny movies, saying positive affirmations…all of it together can help you feel more positive in your life.
It all sounds so froo-froo but it works…if you have the right outlook.
And the obvious answer is “don’t drink”. Clearly drinking is NOT making you happy, but rather downright miserable. So stick with sobriety. Get into RECOVERY. You can do this.
Thank you! I will definitely look for that on Netflix when I get home. You’re absolutely right … drinking causes me more pain and I know this but yet I always turn to it. Thank you for your advice
I couldn’t agree more!
Bam. @Vsue, it took you 14 words to say what it took me about 500 to say:
(or 15 if you count froo-froo as 2 words).
It’s not complicated: Decide to be better, and then be better. Decide to be happy, and then be happy. Quit looking for reasons why you drink. You drink.
Quit looking for reasons not to drink, as if you need convincing.
Just decide to be sober, and then be sober. Sober is better. The better you become, the happier you will be.
Drinking and happiness are two seperate issues. Happiness is often hard to find as you dont know what you are looking. On the other hand if you dont consume alcohol your not drinking. Anything else related to the need for alcohol is just an excuse to drink.
Personally i find happiness very difficult to find, it is a mental thing
Yes, it is a “mental thing”. It is a choice. I have learned this. I have had periods in my life where I have had everything anyone could want, and been miserable. I’ve had periods where I was just scraping by, but was gloriously happy.
I am happy today, because I choose to be happy. I derive great satisfaction in striving to get better at getting better, each and every day. I have chosen this path, as I was no longer content drinking or being miserable.
Today, I am free, and free to choose to be happy.
Hey! I don’t know where you live and what healthcare you have access to, but have you spoken to a doctor about how you’re feeling? I’m in the UK and I am on antidepressants and waiting for some CBT.
Meditation, exercise, eating and sleeping well are all helpful to make you feel better about yourself… But I know I have to be in the right frame of mind to do those things.
I’m working through the Action for Happiness calendars along with some of the lovely people on here, feel free to join us!
I dont believe anti depressants can make you happy, perhaps you will feel a bit bettrr much like getting drunk will do for some. Generally i appear happy to others, including family. This is the face i put on while searching for the elusive happiness. I also know i doctor cannot help me find this. Think positive and one day it may jump out at me
I spoke with my therapist about this last session. I told her I was upset because I had realised that I hadn’t been happy in a long time. I could be happy for other people and that did bring my some joy but I just never felt happy for the sake of being happy…for me. But here’s the kicker…she asked me to define “happy”. I COULD NOT DO IT. So the thing is, maybe I have been happy all this time, or I could be happy in the future, I just had no way of recognizing it.
For this reason I totally agree with @Yoda-Stevie…decide to be happy and be happy. Who knows what “happy” really means anyway, so if you just fooling yourself who cares. If you’re fooled at least you still feel happy.
Well done you are halfway there. Making the decision is the first big step. Now all you have to do is build up your resolve and determination to succeed and to not fall foul of temptation. The way i do it is simple, i condition my mind to accepting that alcohol does not exsist, what doesn’t exsist you cannot have right? I admit it is not always easy, but with downright dogged determination you can do this. I wish you all the very best, be strong, be determined and be happy.
Everything @VSue and @Yoda-Stevie said. Everyone has reasons to be happy and reasons to be unhappy. “Reasons” to drink, and reasons not to. It doesn’t matter how many reasons are on each side, it just matters which side you choose.
Also @siand has listed some pretty useful stuff for helping keep your brain healthy, which helps a lot. A healthy brain can more easily make those sober, happy choices.