Not sure if journalling sounds more manly than writing in my diary so for this purpose let’s call it documenting…Ughhh. I’m never funny. …I’m going to make this thread in an attempt to journal my daily fight towards quitting booze. I have found from the few times I have posted or gone and checked out others posts that I feel slightly more optimistic and I feel like I understand this disease slightly better. At this point in my addiction I will take any comfort and hope I can get so I’m going to try this approach. For anyone who cares or is interested that’s kind of the idea. You can assume each new post made by me as a new calender day starting with yesterday 3/16… Why yesterday? Well cause I didn’t drink, I really wanted to, and I’m proud of myself for not. I know writing in the retrospective for yesterday’s post will seem slightly different than later posts as I intend on writing nightly before I go to bed. But I doubt many will follow it, and you’re not my mom and you can’t tell me what to do.
Day 1:
I managed to stay off the drink all day. My head is still a mess. The anxiety is relentless. The withdraw compounds the anxiety I feel from past traumas and imbalances in my head. My brain still feels like mush.
I can relate to your anxiety, it does get better. Alcohol plays havoc with our minds and sobriety sure helps with healing that. I still struggle with anxiety, but it has gotten far easier the longer I have been sober. I wish you the very best on your journey!
Today I gave in and allowed myself 3 beers. I’m still not even sure why I had the first one. I felt okay, I was proud of myself for not drinking the previous day and I was excited for the day ahead of me. In a moments time I decided to crack a beer and take a drink. I’m thankful I was able to refrain from anymore. I felt ashamed, I want to prove to myself so badly that I can do this. Tomorrow I will do everything in my power to not pick up that first drink.
Great idea journaling. A lot of people journal their sobriety on their own threads. I think it really helps. I do my own kind of journaling on the daily gratitude thread with some other fine people. I’ve never missed a day writing about what I’m grateful for. In recovery we either learn to be grateful or we don’t last.
God bless you on your journey.
One Grateful Day At A Time.
Hey @lionelhutz it’s a great idea to keep an accountability journal and I’ll gift you the manly word log aswell so you can man it up in here properly, you’re welcome.
You already see that a log is not enough to keep you sober. What else is in your toolbox? You need to get busy and develop and use your tools. Self investigation is the first thing. What happened there? Why did you pick up? And why do you drink in general? Don’t tell me. Log it. Explore yourself. This process of getting to know yourself has been put off during the time of your active addiction. Time to pick up the conversation with yourself again.
Here are some more resources that are helpful. Resources for our recovery Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser
Take it at your own pace and especially don’t compare yourself to others. I messed up several times too beclause I told myself that I’ll never be able to deal with this problem with the strength I saw in other people. So why even try?
But nobody can take away your successful attempts - they are there to stay. Use them as stepping stones to pick yourself up, build your confidence and try all over again - only this time you’re a bit stronger. You’re not alone, many messed up before and will mess up after you. Give yourself some credit and today is a whole new day for you to try again Feel free to message me if needed.
I made it through today. Not one drink. I really wanted to. I woke up and it was the first thing I thought about. I wanted to drink as my co workers drank. I wanted to drink on the walk home. I’m kind of proud of myself.
Yesterday was a failure. It’s over with and I don’t really want to dwell on it… Today in the other hand went well. I made it through the whole day without drinking, work went well, I got a workout in and I have the next two days off. All in all I feel pretty proud of myself.
I have tried Journaling but it’s never stuck. I came clean with my youngest son (11). He’s adopted, his birth mom was an addict and the father was an addict/dealer. Every night I talk with him about where I’m at. He holds me accountable.
I have seemed to fall into a one day off one day on routine. Yesterday I was off work and fell into temptation while today I was able to stay sober. I am hoping that today will be the start of at least a month with no booze.
Hey pal, it’s great you’re starting again but what is the plan here? Just hoping won’t bring any change about. You’re “falling” into a pattern because you’re not actively working for a pattern of sobriety in your life. You’re a sitting duck for your addiction.
You have received some good advice, some even from me, have you checked out any of this? How about AA? Also, what about this journal? Set yourself a timer, ten minutes every day, and journal. It’s not that hard, ten minutes. Give yourself a chance, man!
Well done on making it today (or yesterday now). I would really recommend Alcohol Explained by William Porter, it explains the science behind the addiction and what is causing the day on/day off. I read it and haven’t had a drink since (45 days). I was trying just on willpower alone and that just wasn’t working.
This is something I would always read and thought, well, I want it really badly, so that’ll be enough. Ha! I have had years of sobriety, but never did anything in particular to maintain or foster them. I am truly seeing sobriety like one of my training goals. I have to have a plan in place beforehand, write it down , research it, and stay the course. But, I have to have a plan, it won’t just happen. I appreciate y’all so much.
It was rough last four days. I didn’t post as I fell back into drink hard. Today I managed to stay sober and have tomorrow off from work. I’m a bit worrie. However there is one benefit of being completely broke, I won’t be able to buy any booze. I’m trying not to beat myself up as that has never worked in the past, but I am also trying to find a way to hold myself accountable.
Feel free to message me if needed.