So much is happening soon… Im adopting another cat this week, something I thought about for a while and it is happening on Saturday!
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And Im just getting ready for hospital appointment, pre-surgery assessment, my surgery scheduled for 3rd February, stressed about it… but it has to be done
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Good luck with the appointment. I know it can be a bit daunting to deal with the pre surgery stuff. It will all work out and your foot is going to feel so much better,
.
Let us know how the appointment went. Have a great day
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Thank you Jasmine, it went all well! And it was so nice to answer the question about my alcohol consumption with a total honesty 
no more embarrassment trying to figure out how many units per week etc LOL
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oh i love it - glad it went well! I do love how we can be so honest with our docs now – how cool is that!
I know LOL before it was like checking on weekly recommendations thinking WTF?! LOL
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105 day check in. October 15th
@TjR thats awesome xxx
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10 sober weeks today! It makes me want to reflect on things…
I find it hard to thank you guys enough, I know I wouldn’t do it without you, and I am not just saying it, I really wouldn’t… I know as I tried so too many times.
Its embarrassing but I remember few times I actually regretted being here on TS, not sure if you ever felt like that yourself?.. like it is a burden to be here, like now I am trapped and it is so inconvenient to relapse with all these TS people ‘around’… its not real me its my addicted mind thinking… so difficult to distinguish from reality.
And then I wake up every morning nicely surprised (still 
) that I am not hungover, proud of myself and forever greatful to have you in my life 
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Super proud of you and excited that you are here with us. It’s great seeing you work on your journey.
Totally understand the feeling of being stuck here with people who care which is such a silly thing when you think about it but I don’t want to let anyone down and now I don’t want to leave this place so I work harder in my sobriety.
It’s crap when your addiction is trying to win with the lies that you are a burden or your journey is troubling or whatever else it comes up with. The blessing isknowing that I’m surrounded by people who genuinely care and are rooting for me to stay sober. I know deep down that a relapse is only going to hurt me and not bring me any of the relief I crave.
Grateful you are not giving into the lies and are fighting the good fight day in and day out 
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I too am proud of your accomplishment, and I know we will celebrate more milestones with you! I like you and your approach, your tenacity and your faith.
And here’s a treat - waking up hangover free NEVER gets old!
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Feeling emotional now…which is causing cravings for alcohol…just back from work and I will be off from work for 4+ weeks now. Foot surgery on Monday and then recovery. I know ‘if I wasn’t sober I wouldn’t be sober tonight’ (quoting my Jasmine now 
).
Another massive trigger is adoption of my second cat tomorrow, it makes me so happy and emotional. Not the best time for adoption (I won’t be able to walk)… but it was arranged before I found out my surgery date and I don’t want my little boy having to wait any longer. I will have my daughter and friend helping. So here I am… emotional and… surprise surprise… SOBER! Not easy but doable, xxx
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Sending hugs my friend. You have the strength to keep sober through this emotional period.
I’m here if you need to vent it out. A lot going on with adoption and surgery and trying to figure out how you will get around while you heal. Grateful you have support at home and know we are here for you too. You are not alone.
Big hugs to you!! 
. I do find watching stand up comedy or a funny sitcom to help me cope with emotional surges and it takes the edge off of the urges.
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Thank you Jasmine xxx yes I will have time to watch movies now and read! Life is good
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You know what? This is just how we are supposed to be. Keep in touch with us even more during your surgical recovery time. Consider perhaps some online AA meetings too. Do what you must to quiet the disturbance, because it’s gonna try to get loud.
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Thank you Dan, I will. And yes I thought about trying AA meetings, I never tried them before too afraid of people there, I thought to myself that since anyone can go to the meeting I might be exposed also to people who are patronising or even bullying to newcomers or sensitive people like myself… put me out of balance. I read some negative opinions about AA meetings…
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I have absolutely nothing negative to say about AA meetings. I live in a notoriously liberal area, and the AA around here reflects that. It is very welcoming, in almost 20 years I’ve never seen anyone put out of a meeting or bullied in a meeting. And there are always very good people in AA, people who will recognize any fragility you may carry and help you with it. In AA, we have to help each other, that is very much at the core of the AA program. It is loving and giving, it must be, we must be loving and giving, else we will not stay sober.
Another fantastic thing about AA is that I have been exposed to the literature that stands the test of time, that I return to weekly, that I study and learn from daily. Here are my top AA books and how I use them:
24 hours a day - this is a daily meditation book that is not officially approved AA literature. It is published by Hazelden, which to my knowledge is an outgrowth of a successful alcohol rehabilitation facility up in Minnesota (northern central US). This book was written by an AA member in the 1940’s and 1950’s, and has an entry for each day of the year, with an AA thought for the day, a meditation for the day, and a prayer for the day. Mine is heavily marked up, taped together, and well worn. I have been reading it every morning for probably 15 years now. While it leans on the language that uses “God” and references it as the Judeo-Christian model, I find it easy to substitute that terminology.
Alcoholics Anonymous - the “basic text” of AA. Of particular use to me are the personal stories in the back of the book, and the separately published collection of personal stories from the first three editions that have been removed or replaced in the current fourth edition. That book is titled “Experience, Strength, and Hope”. I study the so-called “Big Book” of AA in three ways. My AA home group has three literature-based meetings a week, one of which is devoted to the Big Book. We read and discuss one story or one section at a time each week. Second, there is an ongoing discussion right now on Talking Sober devoted to the Big Book, where we read and comment on a section each week. Finally, there is a newly published book “The Plain Language Big Book” that caused quite a stir in AA. It is misunderstood as a replacement for the Big Book, when it is meant as an ancillary text, a guide to studying the Big Book. It replaces the 1930’s, male oriented, Christian influenced language with modern language. Two friends and I have held one study session of this book so far (we had three consecutive weeks of flu and misaligned schedules after that, but our intentions are good!)
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions - another book that my home group reads. We go through a step a week, and once a month read a tradition chapter. It was the first book I bought in AA, because my sponsor told me to read Step 1 every day until he told me to stop. It was my first 30-45 days back in AA that I read that chapter every morning. It is operatic in tone, and is still one of my favorite writings.
Living Sober - the final book in the group that my home group reads. This is a fantastic guide to early sobriety in particular. It is truly crowd-sourced, with uncredited multiple authors. This is the most vibrant book in the AA collection, and is currently being updated to include experience, strength and hope of AA members during and after COVID.
The Big Book, 12 and 12, and Living Sober are all available in PDF format for free on the AA.org web site. And here is the current Big Book study thread (I am a week behind in my comments!). Thanks for keeping an open mind - it could save your life! And I happen to think you are worth it, friend.
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Thank you Dan for all the info. I think to start with I wasn’t really ready for AA, I was even scared to be here at ST. I see a lot is changing in me, I am more open about my problem now and started trusting people more.
Maybe my surgery is something I need not only to fix my foot, it will give me the time I struggled to find before to ‘stop and think’, to reflect on myself… things are happening for the reason. Nobody here suggested to me trying AA before, which I was pleased about since I wasn’t ready for it, and you mentioned it yesterday and I feel like I could actually try it… ‘when the student is ready the teacher will appear’, thank you Dan xxx
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Oh I love this and completely agree.
There is no right or only one way to sobriety. It’s all about getting through each day without picking up.
Whatever we can do to help support us through this journey is an added bonus.
Thanks Dan @SinceIAwoke for the lovely post with a breakdown of the books 
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Adoption of Teddy today went very well, he is a brave little boy, confidently exploring his new home. His big sister is not very sure what to think about him just yet so she is just hissing at him… well she is a very good but very nervous cat and needs time to trust.
Teddy is sleeping like an angel now.
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