Waking up on day 11. This is still so unbelievable that I’ve made it this far and I’m starting to feel really good. I really do give credit to everyone here for being so helpful and understanding and inspiring. Have a strong Sunday everyone 
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Day 1. Feeling determined.
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That’s great that you’re right back at it though. Good job on that!!! 
- Back to vacationing under corona. It’s bloody cold outside with a northern wind howling. Picking up courage to go for a bike ride. No Dutch courage needed by me for that thank god. Sober and clean today and very glad about it. Tomorrow too but just for today will do for now. There’s nothing good in using. Have a good day all. Sober and clean. Know you’re loved. Hugs and love from Amsterdam.
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Well that was weird 
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Yes!! You got this! One day at a time❤️
I personally think once you’re able to give up that morning cig it should be okay. Before I quit(cold turkey) I wondered how I’d be able to manage not to have that morning cig after waking up. I couldn’t do anything until I had one. The first few 3 days were hell for me but but now I can’t believe I used to smoke. I can’t see what the appeal was. Sending you quitting strength.
Blessings and sobriety!
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That’s the app that helped me, after listening for two hours, the words really stuck, every time I craved a cig my brain went back to what I’d listened to and in seconds the craving would go away. And voila, here I am +200 days later!
Blessings and sobriety!
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Loved your post and honesty. It made me smile, chuckle 
Blessings and sobriety!
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Hang in there, it can only get better.
Blessings and sobriety my friend!
Dan, this is awesome! However, you are washing your hands wrong!!! 
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So… over the last 2 months, the reoccurring issue I have is that I’m really isolated already. Very lonely and without any real connections or meaningful relationships. The people I’m around are all drinkers, whether that be family at home or people at work. I dont actually have any friends outside of that.
Anyways, so I’ve pretty much lost control of my sobriety. I lost control of my addictions and now I’ve lost control of sobriety. I’m so sick of saying “No” to everything. Musicians go to bars… Chefs go to bars… those are the people I relate with best. Apart from @Dejavu. I think if I were in Seattle, Dan and I would build a fort and pinky promise to quarantine together. No girls allowed.
Anyways… So I’m at the stage where i think i need to tentatively test the waters. I dont have a partner, kids, friends or any meaningful relationships…so am I really actually getting anything out of this anymore? No-one is benefitting from it indirectly and I’m not directly benefitting from it it either. I really want to let go of the addictions but part of my addiction story is my sobriety story and to let go of one, I need to let go of the other. I dont want to be an addict anymore - I dont want to be in recovery anymore. I want to take control of it…I need a break from saying no all the time. So why was my birthday sad? I noticed that all the people (obviously bar immediate family) who wished me a happy birthday, I hadn’t seen any of them for over 18 months - that’s when I got sober.
I had some of the biggest most painful rejection this year and I cant see a way over it unless I let this period of time go. I spoke with those closest to me about it - My Dad got me immediately. He had a really bad drink problem and he was in the same space I am in right now when he decided to give beer a try again. Now, he has total control. He doesnt even think about alcohol and if he wants a pint, he has a pint. If he doesnt want another, he doesnt have another. He learned his boundaries. This is what my Dad said:
“Josh, I’m sure you realise,having a drink is ok,just dont let it manage you. I felt the same,like its giving in,but actually it’s more about saying you have control. If you’re confident you have control then go ahead. If not,dont. I’m fortunate.”
Even though… I know that “it’s not all about me”, the issue is it’s not about anyone. There isnt anyone else for it to be about.
So I’m carefully considering discounting the wagon. I think it mustve taken me past my stop.
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Day 81. Today is sunday. Woke up pretty late. Had breakfast, watched an episode of Better Call Saul on Netflix. Love that show by the way! Took a shower, cleaned my bathroom and my kitchen. It’s sunday sp I thought hm I’m gonna dress up a bit. So did. Feels good!
Mentally: I feel good, sober and strong. But worried about the future.
Physicaly: I feel lazier than usual. Can’t go to work, public swimming pools are closed so I can’t go do a few lanes… and it’s pretty windy and grey out today. Mayba I’ll go for a walk.
Anyway. I feel good 
hope you all are on a good path to better health!
Thanks! Have a good sunday guys!
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Day 4 Sober!!!Hope everyone has a great day 
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Thank you so much for this. And this is exactly where I am back to basics, beginning with self-care.
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Checking in Day 82. Kinda cold and rainy today so it suits my mood… Still getting used to going to AA meetings on Zoom rather than in person, feeling self conscious about being on camera but its better than being alone. It is nice seeing other people’s faces. Hope everyone is doing well!
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Day 3 sober. A stressful morning with all the new alarm decrement. I have had a tense situation with the person that is sharing the flat with me. But I guess we solve it. Seems to me that is not taking the situation seriously but I tried to explain it better.
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Oh Josh sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely. Big hugs, that’s a horrible spot to be in.
A couple of thoughts, if I may…
- Didn’t you move recently? It is hard building a new network. Give yourself a break.
- Why does being sober have to mean always saying no? If you relate well to people, go to the bar but just leave early. Orrrrr… ask them to do something else. Go for a jam session? Catch a film at the cinema? Find (start?) A dining club and check out fancy restaurants?
- The fact you haven’t heard from people since sobering up… Doesn’t that kind of speak to the superficial nature of those friendships?
- Rejection suuucks. But coming to terms with it will come. Takes time - that sucks too. But it will get better.
For me, being sober has helped me to see some of my issues more clearly - which is often very fucking uncomfortable. But seeing the issues is the first step in deciding what action, if any, is needed. I guess I just don’t see how having a beer or two here and there solves any of those things. But then I don’t believe I have control and if I want to drink, it is to get smashed and get away from my head. My problems have developed over many years and I believe it will take many more to unravel them. That is a very depressing thought and I’m working on finding acceptance for it.
But I am me and you are you. Whatever happens I hope you can find and hold on to the lessons you’ve learned through your addiction and sobriety. You’ve earned them!
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Day 2. Storms here last night which I love. As expected, a lot of wakng up, going back to sleep, weird dreams. Woke up at 1 am with a powerful feeling of sadness which passed. Now ir’s Sunday. Going to spend some time online this morning, call the BF, then knit and play D and D remotely with my group. We have been using rhe R20 website for this and it has been working pretty well. Have been reading Paul Churchill’s book Alcohol is Sh*t and he definitely offers a different persoective on recovery with some good information. Focusing right now on basic self-care and connecting with others. Thanks for the welcome and support.
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