@SassyRocks you are right ! Thank you for your words and I hope to willingly escape from this “hamster wheel “ as you named
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You aren’t alone in that feeling of disconnection! Same thing here. I am also generally at my best and most comfortable when alone. It is the only time I feel truly and completely 100% at ease, always been that way.
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Good morning. Check in time day 70-71. Feeling well I’m not sure tired and hungry.
Having coffee instead of booze or drugs. I did my daily readings and now checking in after reading some others check ins. I guess that means i’m feeling grateful that something must be working. Back to that hunger feeling time for Sunday breakfast. French toast with my second coffee…might even make some for my roommate. Ttfn
&
Kinda burnt my breakfast still delicous…of course i ate it…waste not want not
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I moved 7 months ago. I am tired of “given myself a break”.
I dont want to leave early! I want to be able to freely decide for myself if I want to stay late. I dont want to ask people to do something else just to support something I’m not even happy doing.
I didnt say I hadnt heard from people since sobering up - I said the people that did wish me happy birthday were people I hadnt seen for 18 months. I lived in Prague then. It’s the bit inbetween then and now. You’re right though - I havent had much contact with those people either but I dont have a problem letting those relationships go. They’re from a different time, different place, different language, different life and I moved on from that too. The friendships were not superficial they were just relevant to the time and now they’re not. Thats life - People come and go. Yeah - Rejections do suck - but it’s important to let them go too to get over them.
The issues you have are very different to mine I think and our environments are probably very different.
And for this I hold you in such high respect. Thankyou.
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I fucking salute you
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Day 68
Slept in a little this morning.
Coffee walk, went for groceries, early lunch, and now going for a long walk.
Hopefully everyone is having a good morning!!!
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Just to explain my point a bit better - obvs always up to you if you leave early. I just find with the people I go to the pub with, especially my friends back home, there’s a group that leave at a reasonable time and a group that stay out until 5am getting blackout drunk and snorting stuff. I used to be part of the 5am crew so leaving early to me just means leaving before it gets messy because that’s boring. I totally choose when that is, if I’m having fun I stay and if I’m not, I don’t.
And I am not suggesting asking people to do stuff you don’t want to do. More that there are plenty of other social options available.
Also, fwiw, I moved 7 years ago and it’s only in the last 6 months/ year I’ve properly made friends. Granted I was drinking for nearly 5 of the years I’ve lived here so I spent (wasted?) a lot of time building a network of drinking buddies, and some of the people I’m friends with now I started to get to know over that time. But it’s harder to build new and meaningful connections as an adult. My sobriety has undoubtedly helped me make better friends.
We may have different problems and environments, although I don’t think I know you well enough to say. I’m not sure I really understand what you’re looking for next, but I hope you find it 
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Day 1108, writing from the rainforest of Ubud. Having a wonderful time here! Hoping I can stay here, meaning that my flight home gets canceled 
How are you all in this crazy world? I meditate and pray to find peace! 
Happy 24h all you lovely people
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Thanks @Joy 
I just downloaded the app. Today is my first attempt to stop my 20-yr nicotine gum habit. Going to throw as many tools as I can, into the mix 
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I’m checking in, day 117. I’ve not been craving as much. It’s hard for the addict inside me to let go of this fantasy world. But it’s still a fantasy. And embracing reality is where I’m going to find the best happiness, joy, and serenity.
I feel more hopeful and strengthened each day. I’m still very vigilant, but this year is coming along amazingly. I really appreciate God bringing TS into my life. This is changing my life. And though I’m temporarily without church and CR, I have many other tools in place to succeed.
I’m still powerless and weak. But I’m more heavily armed and protected now. I’m not going down again easily.
Thank you.
Have a great sober Sunday everyone.
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Thanks for the encouraging nice reply. My clumsy cat smashed my wine glass off the coffee table 2 nights ago and it shattered. 
. No big deal since it had sparkling water in it. Is that a sign too? I don’t know when I can get my grown up family of eight together again with all their schedules for another vacation.
But one of these days I’m getting to the Netherlands and going to see all the tulips and flowers in all your gardens. It’s truly unbelievable how the whole world is being effected by CV. Stay safe.
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Day 199
I’m still sober and that’s great. Now if I could just get myself a dose of motivation and self discipline to go along with the sobriety and quarantine that would be great. I find myself avoiding thinking about the hard things because it’s all I can do just to stay sane and sober each day. I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to work on any of my steps right now. I’m thankful I have a job. I’m thankful my family is healthy. I’m thankful I am sober. I’m trying to focus on gratitude today and will force myself to do things I don’t “feel” like doing otherwise the depression will be winning. Congrats to all of you soldiers who are pressing on right now. Keep checking in. It helps me to read your stories and I’m sure I’m not the only one. 
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Oohhh…nice number!! I say be gentle with yourself and don’t expect more than you have to give. You are okay right where you are at right now. That is good. Know that you are not alone in being unsettled.
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That’s probably the most bizarre reply I’ve ever had. 
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I got some tips if your interested. I smoked many years ago and my boss paid for us to do a stop smoking clinic. It worked. I didn’t just quit smoking. I STOPPED smoking.
Anyway. The things that worked best for me were.
First 2 weeks.
No booze. U should have that down already I hope.
No sugar
No caffeine
These things are all triggers.
Drink lots of water. Seriously drink water like you’ve never drank it before. Helps flush out the nicotine.
I got some worry beads to keep my hands busy.
Get a straw. Keep it in your mouth and suck in fresh air. I remember waiting tables and I always had a straw in my mouth for about a month. Even taking orders. It was definitely a conversation piece. I found the big fat McDonalds straws work the best. Cut them in half.
Drink lots of water.
The most fun or interesting part was mess up your brain. Smoking is a habit right. Start messing up all your habits.
Sleep on the other side of the bed.
Drive to work a different route
Use your spouses car if u can.
Sit in a different spot for dinner.
Shower in the evening if u usually shower in the am.
You get the idea.
Did I say drink lots of water?
Good luck. I didn’t think this was going to be this long. But it worked for me. Maybe because my wife and I were planning on starting a family back then and I didn’t think I’d be a good example being a father with a butt in his mouth. But I had tried before and nothing worked until I had all these tools to help me.
Good luck. God bless.
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Ooooh, my feet are happy dancing for tomorrow’s number
I too have no motivation or self discipline. I haven’t had either since I stopped drinking. At 158 days AF, I would have thought I would be in a better place by now
So … just sincere empathy from me 
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This is hilarious Dan!! Too much time on your hands and not enough soap. 
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Where can I get the helping hands?
It’s too hard to do this on my own 
PS: That was awesome
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Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
This will definitely help!!!
I’ve heard ‘drink lots’ before, but I think you may have made that sink in
Today is Day 1 (should I say day zero?) … and I’m 5 hrs Nicotine-free. 9 more hours till night-nights…
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