oh @Jane.c sorry did not realise the circumstances behind how you feel. I feel so much for you and wish I could say something that would make you feel better. All I can offer is the mantra the escape route does not help.
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Day 87.31
Okay folks, I rode the bike again last night. I know … I know … all of you are right that I should have rested. However, I need to get out of the house after working all day (for my sanity).
I took all of your advice and went slower and easier and did not put pressure on myself to better my time from yesterday; day before; etc.
You know what happened? I enjoyed myself tremendously. I let “the force” run through me and it worked out. Additionally, my time was fantastic just letting go and letting it happen organically. I let my mind wander as Meno said, and I worked through a number of issues running around in my brain.
Starting to ramble, but I think the moral of the story is to let go, let things happen organically, and the results will come. You bypass all of the hand wringing, over analysis, self doubt, etc, etc.
I am trying to figure out what to do for my 90 day milestone.
Thinking I may go blonde, wear some funny clothes, etc.
Anywho…everyone have a wonderful and sober day!!!
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Checking in… 8.65 days. Fighting the have to quit vs. want to quit battle right now. Have to quit is definitely in the lead and I’m a defiant little shit. I can’t wait to get my move over and done with. My sister seems a bit better emotionally. Tuesday was a very hard day for all of us, we all cried a lot. You don’t expect your little sister to get cancer. I still can’t believe it as I write the words, it’s like a dark scary dream.
@Mno your post really helped me with the want vs. need thing. I can’t truly enjoy life and nature if I’m not present for it.
@Salty happy belated birthday. Thinking of you.
@Jane.c I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I know you’ll make it through, but the painful journey sure does suck. You’ll be stronger for it though.
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“Let things happen organically, and the results will come.” I like that a lot. That struck me this morning. Thank you.
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Finished day 3 and on to day 4.
Feeling good today. The first couple days anxiety took over me, but yesterday was a little better and today feels good so far.
Going to focus on the things I can control today - eating right, working out, knitting all the things 
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I ment to say “rest” instead of “test” in case you were wondering what I’ve ment 
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Yarn selfie with you buried in all of your yarn…just a thought?
Great job on getting through day 3!!!
One day at a time
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That is a lot to handle. crazy right how traumatic memories litteraly keep score in the body and revisit every year. that is no ranting, super important to vent these emotions once you feel ready. I hope you can ride the waves of emotions or bodily sensations. Every time you manage to stay present and breath through them you release a little. And when they get to overwhelming just pauze. Easier said then done I know. (takes one to know one) I wish you the grace to ride the waves sober and give yourself the care it needs.
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Good day today so far
On day 2
Feeling better
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Checking in on day two!!! Feeling fantabulous:partying_face:
but taking easy, laying low. Even feeling good can be a trigger for me because it leads to thoughts of celebration, then back to drinking. The brain wash about alcohol in society is insane.
Blessings and lots of positive vibes of health and safety to everyone.
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Sounds like you’re on your way to becoming a bike nut friend 
I have 5 bikes, I am sure @GVLNative has more, totally normal for folks like us… I don’t have a mountainbike atm but you might have rekindled my interest in owning one… That will be for next year though. Have a good day Mike. Seems to me you’re doing very well on all fronts. Good work!
@Girlinterrupted Thank you so much Beth 
I’ve been chewing nicotine gum for 20 years. Before that I was a 30-a-day smoker.
The first two weeks were definitely hell, but it’s easing up now. First thing in the morning is when I crave nicotine the most. I have to be strong then, and always say no to the first hit of the day. Sound familiar 
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Huge congrats Marc! Time flies when you’re having fun right. Excellent work on reaching triple digits. Just keep going odaat and you’ll never be stopped.
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Love the pacific northwest! It’s one of the most beautiful landscapes and so peaceful. Glad you’re taking care of yourself by continuing to ride and travel in your head. I totally understand what you mean by that! Have a great day.
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@marcusmaximus2000
Marc, great job on triple digits!!!
You made it to the 
club!!!
Nice work!!!
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Be well my dear sister, the battle behind is always less then the battle you have to face in futures to come. It really is futures cous you get to choose wich one.
I’m really shocked by your sisters sickness, I lost practicly my whole family at cancer and the road wont be pretty… I will not lie about that, but beside my parents and grandparrents my kan sister just pulled through the treatments and as in for you… you need the best persoon of you to support her in any way. Dont ever let craving or abuse take that away. Endorce each and every moment and never give up hope on yourself as well as your sister! Shout out if you wanna talk, I and others will be there for you in this time of doubt and difficulties.
I send an angel your way for safekeeping and to shed light where needed.
You nevver walk alone
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Thank you so much, that means a lot. I want to learn to be there for her in the best way I can. Not going through it myself, insight from others who have is extremely helpful. I always picture her as invincible and I know she’ll kick cancer’s ass. It’s just going to be a giant battle and a huge pain in the ass.
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You can always send me a pm for whatever… i’ve been there quite a few times and the days that are the ones my family died are the worst and relapsed me twice, once after 5 and then 7 years of sobriety down the drain.
If you need any answers or of you have any questions just throw them @ me …
Take care !!
And yesssss it will be a pain in the ass 
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I’m so sorry for your loss @Desire2ChangeToday. That’s a beautiful picture and I’m sure she was just as beautiful on the inside. My heart breaks for you. Sending you hugs.
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Day 89 DOC’S & alcohol free.
Routine…pray, learn, laugh, grow, one day at a time. Its been a great morning sending out good vibes 
&
to all &
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