A second birthday I’m celebrating clean and sober.
Blessings and sobriety y’all!
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17 days,11 hours and 40 minutes.
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Congratulations on your 30days so happy and proud of u my friend x
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Day 10 today and so tired ! The last 10 days have been emotional I’m just so pleased I’ve not picked up cos I know how dangerous it would be for me … the cravings have gone and I’m now in God’s hands I really need to learn to use my higher power more then I do . When I hear people share who truly look at peace are the ones who let go and let God… I have a few hours to myself before Millie comes home so I’m gonna clean up and relax have a bit of me time! Hope everyone has a blessed day x x
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You had a little slip up pauly? You ok my friend x
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yeah no biggy, another lesson learnt, last time god fucked off and left me but it’s OK mentally this time. Today’s another day and we’re still alive to tell the tale.
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I’m glad u r ok, and back here straightaway. Let it be just this time!
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here we go again buddy. 
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Day 228.
I’m feeling down the last few days.
If only life was more happy. I did a stupid thing last night that made me want cocktails even more.
I watched a youtube video of a cocktail channel.
That was a bad idea because I just craved an old fashioned even more…
a voice in my head went: maybe you should start a home bar again?
Sigh… i hope better times will come soon.
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What is it that is making you want cocktails?
Hungry?
Angry?
Lonely?
Tired?
If you can understand the cause of your craving then you can address that and satisfy it in a healthier way 
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Been to a few virtual Recovery Dharma meetings recently and was pleased to find my local group holds one on a Sunday morning. I struggle to commit to evening activities and so it’s good to find something that suits my mood.
Just started reducing my antidepressant dose (agreed with doctor) and am bracing myself for what comes next! Hopeful that rebuilding a meditation practice will give me the best chance of managing whatever comes with that as well as a sense of despondency I’ve been having recently with recovery but also life in general.
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Day 202. Happy Sunday, much love have a good day
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Missing the ‘art’ of creating those cocktails.
The different tools, ice cubes, glases,… this may sound strange I know.
Missing the flavours. And the buzz after a while.
Buy also just the alcohol in them.
To sum it up: I guess the ritual and the buzz.
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Happy Sunday, everyone. Checking in sober, Day 229. Finished painting above the porch yesterday! Now on to the west side and back before I tackle restoring the porch itself. I’ve been appreciating the quiet time working as an opportunity to meditate, think about my inventory, and work on letting go of resentments. Being the house I grew up in, restoring it while restoring myself has a certain symbolism. The ghost of my childhood has haunted me for too long!!
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It looks great! How’s VT today? I’m from MA but it’s one of the prettiest places I’ve been to.
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Last night before I went to bed, I promised myself that I would go out and do something today, something to be around people. None of this wallowing around by myself shit. It’s been weeks since I’ve spoken to another human being in person, other than in passing. The pain won’t stop until I am more active in resolving it. It’s really hard to find things to do, especially in the age of corona – that’s been the daunting part so far, and why I have given up on finding things to do before. But a promise is a promise - so I took the easiest option - I went back to the AA meeting I tried a few months ago.
This time it was good. I felt truly open to being there. This time a lot of things were said that really resonated with me. This time I didn’t share and just listened. And as I listened, it dawned on me that there was something that was true - I did quit drinking 2+ years ago…but I never learned how to live a happy, social, peaceful life in the aftermath. To appreciate, and most of all accept, the good in my life. I’ve chased that feeling of content for my entire life, never getting there. I have a hard time with peace.
I look at the last 2 years, and although they were better in one regard just by virtue of not drinking, in some ways it has been worse because I didn’t do anything else other than stop. As a result, I became miserable, I became resentful, and I methodically cut myself off from anyone who tried to be close to me. I am just now recognizing that this is typical of many an addict. I was/am starved for connection, through my own doing, and when it is available to me I might do OK for a bit but will eventually run from it. I will create reasons and problems in my head, where there is none, in order to justify it. I will (and did) convince myself that I don’t need anyone - when I really, really do. We all do.
There was a man there named George, who was there last time, too. I remember because he introduced himself to me the first time and my immediate reaction to friendliness like that is to be suspicious (I think that’s a Massachusetts thing anyway…). I really liked what George had to say and how he expressed himself. This morning, I asked George to be my sponsor. George invited me to his home group on Tuesday night, which I will be going to. He told me to come half an hour early so we can chat. I’m really looking forward to it.
I’ve searched for peace my whole life. Just stopping drinking hasn’t done it, although it was a step up. I’ve done that experiment for 2 years and I was slowly overtaken by shadows. So I am trying something new that I feel good about, now.
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