Good to hear 
Sent you a pm on hangout.
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Congratulations on 1 year Chris! You must be so proud of yourself. 
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Powerful piece! Late congratulations on 2 years 
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Thank you to @liv_m, @Clarity, @CapriciousCapricorn and @Dolse71 for the wisdom and advice yesterday. I was super busy yesterday at work and didnât have time to respond to you all but Iâm appreciative. After venting on here I took off my sad and helpless hat and got busy. A huge contributor to my depression is my propensity for laziness. I get lazy when Iâm feeling discouraged and I feel discouraged after I write in my journal, create intentions for the next day and then take NO steps to fulfill the minimal tasks for the day (due to laziness). Laziness and procrastination is an addictive behavior to me in a lot of ways. At one point I had âIndolenceâ as an addiction on my counter on here and for everyday I got up and was productive, was a day in the books. It worked quite well and I may just have to do that again. Anyway, yesterday I got up and had an extremely productive day and the depression dissipated. The key for me is to always be working towards something. Anyway, hereâs to another good day as I WILL NOT be standing about idly. I hope you all have a great day.
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Quick check in, Day 316 sober.
Congrats @Boymomof2 and @Luckyredz on 30 days! Early milestones are so significant as they come in the face of a huge change in thinking and behavior and are achieved despite physical and psychological withdrawal as well. Awesome job!! 
Welcome @Veganwannabe, @LabLover222, @Joyce19 and @Charlie_C - the struggles are worth it!!! Keep us posted on your progress and what you are facing. Looking forward to you reaching your milestones as well!
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Omg heâs getting so big!!
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Checking in - Day 30. I know that my problems canât be solved and happiness wonât be found in the bottom of a bottle. Thank you everyone. We are in this together
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Day 109.
Iâve had so much going on with life that Iâve felt like I could break at anypointâŠ
Twice I hunted on the internet for the drugs I desired⊠I got so far into ordering that I opened up a new web page and ordered myself the trainers I wanted instead ⊠Might of blown a small fortune on them but its better than it been wasted on me!
I went to go get food shopping and found myself looking at the alcohol options⊠I walked out but still hacent got food for myselfâŠ
Iâm doing all this because I know deep down I want to reach 6 months⊠No matter what shit Iâm dealing with Iâm still trying for sobriety⊠There is a big big part of me that is being tested by my addiction⊠The part of me still fighting to be a better person as I have major flaws I know it⊠And in the moment I donât want to wrestle with myself I want to let go of the rope and blow myself into oblivionâŠ
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Breathe Danni. You are experiencing exactly what you have to at the time you need to.
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Day 117 check in
I have to call the IRS today. I still havent received my tax return or stimulus payment. I heard if you dont get your stimulus by Saturday you are shit out of luck. Anyway, I dont know why I am dreading this phone call⊠they owe ME money haha not the other way around⊠still its been on my to do list for months.
Yep I have a to do list of things I never get done that haunts me. Hopefully I can finally check this one off. Have a great day everyone!
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Congrats on 30 days! 
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Day 65
Frustration over cravings
Again, as the days go by I see myself confronted to new images of myself drinking that are associated with the season, the temperature, the feelings I have, the tiredness, some thoughts, some memories, etc⊠And when I am a little bit tired (or more) I kind of started to snap at it. I know it ainât doing any good, because giving attention to it kind of nourish those thoughts. They arenât cravings that starts from within, you know, not like when you just feel you gotta drinks - no, they come from an image that pop-up in my head relatively to something happening in the environment or in my body/mind. Theyâre really alike flashbacks. And I get so pissed at their visions this past week. Since Sunday it was hard. Sunday was my first day off alone at home for 13 hours, it was a grey day with no energy in the air or in myself what soever. It was the first time I was confronted to that kind of day alone since September 15th when I decided to make a change in my life and became sober. But it was rough and still is since. I feel sensitive.
I woke up today, felt comfy in my clothes after an hot shower, and then while walking to the living room I just saw the start of a beautiful day to start drinking. Just like that, when I was just there living my life as I want it to be, this thought pop-up and make me mad, then sad, then make me almost weak because I get afraid that I wonât be able to tolerate those images for a long time now. I know it shall pass⊠Yesterday I literally had to lay down because it was too intense. I was even thinking that I should drink just to calm this because itâs intolerable, it had to stop.
Then I found myself going into another way of thinking when I told myself: âDamn man, you are an addict⊠see that dependency youâve got there to that bottle?â and from that I remembered that drinking wasnât an option in anyway. That I canât drink EXACTLY because I want to drink so badly it wouldnât be to stop the feeling, it would be to drain myself to black to black to black again and again. I couldnât control it, it would control me - it is still trying too. I remember before I got sober this time and before I thoughts that I didnât want to be sober because it would be like alcohol was still controlling me instead of me controlling alcohol. lol, such a fool. I would never control alcohol. It has control over me since Iâve poored my first beer.
The only control I got over alcohol is by not picking up. So I plan on letting go of that frustration towards those flash-images of me drinking and instead Iâll laugh at them. "Haha, look at you, trying to make me drink again. Like Iâve forgot all the damage you did to me already 
" Poor piece of addict left in me that you are. You ainât gonna get me!! 
Oof. That was good. What a relief to have this community to share our love and shit from time to time
Thanks guys for being here.
Wish you all a good sober day.
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Day 72: I am ready to push myself, just for today, through the pain and obstinate laziness and do the things I need to do to try and feel better. Stretches, ice and heat, exercise, etc., and I am not going to hide from the pain or potential for pain, not gonna wallow in self-pity or simply wait to live. When? When if not now? Just for today. I tend to give myself permission to go the path of inaction too often, especially when I talk to my loved ones about what Iâm going through and they want to help so they say things like, âJust take it easy,â or ,âYouâre so hard on yourself.â I had a bit of a break down late last night. Thinking things like, âDid I quit drinking for THIS?!?â âI thought I was going to keep feeling better, getting better.â âWhat was the point of getting sober?â I was pissed off. I wasnât and am not craving booze, but the thoughts of âI might as well be drinkingâ were there. Shutting that shit down today. I know better, and I know that 70 whatever days is early still. Ugh. So I set my alarm and got my ass up at a mighty 7 am (whooptieshit, as I used to say, haha), and Iâm going to do the things today. I could use some good vibes or a swift kick in the rear.
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Lol for sure man. Good read, and exactly how I was specially in the summer around the holidays I just kept playing scenes and scenarios. I really havenât had that happen much at all now, I do have a lil depression kicking in with the weather changing and it is definitely the times I would drink to Oblivion. But I havenât had any thought of it really, Iâve actually been joking about it and stuff and even my other d.o.c Iâm just not finding myself triggered as much. But yeah you described exactly how I was feeling to a T in the same days as you. I like the acronym time. Things I must experience, through experience this all just keeps getting easier. Keep your self comfortable, and like you said take the warm shower, watch a funny movie, order some pizza and just enjoy the sober life bro.
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Day 2 sober. Numb and tired but not hopeless
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I can so relate to what you have described here. Thank you so much for sharing. It never occurred to me to set a counter for something like âindolence,â good word btw, but thatâs brilliant. I might just give it a try! We can do this, one piece at a time.
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Things I must experience. Thanks man Iâll keep that for sure I like that. And I am the one always saying to people to âinjectâ time into their problem when they come to mind. Problems are so much more relative when you put them back into the temporality of your life or life itself.
Good to see youâre out of those thoughts. Now that I read you I donât know how last time I managed to get at 198 days sober while working behind a bar I mustâve been terribly desperate.
And donât worry, the pizza last Sunday was amazing. I still think about it and about to order some more this week for sure. After all, ainât that the reason why we train? HĂ© hĂ© good day man
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Day 5 here. Thanks for all the inspiration. I am not at a point of wanting to bare all yet, but really find strength in reading what you are sharing.
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Hang in there @anon27760155, Iâm so glad you bought the trainers instead of something that wouldâve led to a relapse. I know youâve been having a rough go if it but youâve been kicking addictionâs ass every day, even if it doesnât feel that way. Just keep fighting it!! You got this.
@RosaCanDo Iâve been trying to figure out the same balance of not letting myself become lazy. At first I needed to remind myself that itâs ok to take a break and just relax; that I donât have to be doing something productive every second of every day. Now I need to focus on balancing that and making sure Iâm still actively working on my sobriety and making forward progress. I hope you have a relatively pain-free day!
@Tommo Iâm sorry you havenât found a meeting that was right for you man. Itâs great youâre still searching though, thatâs the important thing. What would we do without TS, right? This place and everyone here is amazing.
@SoberWalker I love that tattoo! What does the writing say?
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