Day 294. I feel the change, I feel blessed, I feel gratitude again. I don’t feel as baffled. I feel happy, Everytime I test if a.a works or not. I see it does. I no longer feel dry. It works if you work it. Have a amazing day friends.
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Man, whatta shitty thing! 
I can somewhat relate, have back problems too but not that severe. Shaving my legs was all it took one time. Sucks.
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I can relate to your words a lot. But I do believe, that if we give it some time and work on our issues it will get better. For most of us the last time we loved ourselves was in our childhood. A lot of time went by, we have learnt so many bad things, habits and behavior. We have to demolish it all and find the way back. I do believe that we all will find our piece with ourselves, we are on the right path. But it takes steps not leaps.
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Dear Courtney, sounds tough. I hope you get tests results asap and that nasty sickness would be over before you know it!
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@Dragonflygirl82 if you are positive I hope your symptoms get no worse and you beat this thing ASAP. My Mom is 85 in a nursing home and did. 
for you!!
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Lisa, Lisa, Lisa!
I’ll tell you what should give. House work.
What is more important having a clean tidy house or having quality sober time with family?
My wife started studying for a degree ages ago, she is now on a master’s.
I do and have done a lot of the house work but used to stress that it has to be perfect all the time. This was while I was drinking.
Now, as long as it’s tidy it’s fine. The rest is just undue pressure.
Who’s standard are you trying to work to? Something you set for yourself or societies idea of what a housewife should be?
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@RosaCanDo
I’d rather read what you’ve got to say then not having you communicate here daily!
Yesterday I admitted stuff about myself that I haven’t been able to openly express… I am on the inside still as scared of the reactions of others than just not giving a shit!
Today I admitted to my drug rehab group this thing that I struggle so much to declare… Rejection is still a major insecurity for me, so many people have turned their backs on me for this one thing about me… I was rejected by my parents for this very thing…
Being honest and truthful is a big step in my recovery as for many many years I would lie to make others happy!
Its the biggest reason I started taking the drugs I did so that I could just pretend everything would be OK around me if I made everyone else around me happy…
I was the daughter who would protect her mum from being hit by her Dad…
I was the daughter who lied to everyone while my mum had an affair…
I was the daughter who nursed my step dad while he had MS
I was the sister that cared for her nieces, watched them grow and brought what they needed
I was the sister who fought her sister from the verge of suicide so many times.
I was the one who kept the family going, calmed the chaos, carried on when everyone else gave up.
You tell your one secret and you are rejected.
We all have those stones to uncover, the ones that made us use to escape, use to be happy, use to be perfect! Until it became unmanagable, it became a leech, it became a need not a want!
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The little house on the prairie!!!
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Is this your first attempt? And does your hubby know you were struggling a bit? In my case, I tried to cut back before, but failed many times, he knows that. So I think I lost my credibility when I talk about quitting. And on day 2 I dropped that I didn’t want to drink anymore and that I needed his support. But he wasn’t in a good mood and waved my ‘cry for help’ away. That hurts so much that it’s better to avoid the subject. He still thinks that I can have a few drinks in the weekend (like him) and doesn’t understand that this time I decided to ban alcohol in my life forever. But when I’m strong enough, I will tell him, or write him. Bc I do need him on this journey. I just realized that it’s better to be secretly sober then to drink in secret hahaha!
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@FeelingBetter
You two lovely ladies need to be honest with your hubby I think personally.
Doesn’t matter what has happened before, doesn’t really matter what they say, even though it’s nice to have our partners on board I think it’s taken my wife nearly two years to believe and appreciate just what I’ve been through in that time.
At the moment you are keeping secrets and fear these secrets, otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling like you are.
Get it out in the open. Be honest.
" I have a problem so I’m choosing to stop drinking. I understand I may have tried it before and it didn’t stick, and it may not this time, but I’m going to keep trying untill it does. I’m not expecting your understanding and I’m not expecting you to stop as well. This is my journey and it may take some time"
That’s pretty much all you need to say.
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Day 15. I slept. It wasn’t amazing, no interruption sleep, but enough to free me from sleep loss delirium today. My reflection on yesterday is that I didn’t want to drink. I have all kind of things to drink, really tasty things. I wanted to disappear. In the old days, like way back, I would have accepted anything to dull my brain. I am not sure why I didn’t become a full-blown everything user. I guess I can thank the military. I stayed clean of cocaine just long enough to pass the drug test, my policeman father did some research on how long I would need to be clean to pass and boom, 6-week in-placement program, courtesy of the United States Air Force. I loved the AF and would never have risked losing that amazing job, so that probably helped.
You know that saying that pops up on here every once in awhile? “Build a life you don’t have to run away from.” That’s what we’re after, my friends. It’s not just about quitting the addiction because then sometimes we’re running from that, too. Building up a stunted life takes work and the work is hard. It’s exhausting. It’s been said before, “Quitting is the easy part.” Dealing with the aftermath of YOU is where the real battle begins.
I am glad I was squinting at my homework from exhaustion and not because I was writing under the influence. Thank you, @Ariel. All it took was one person to see me. I appreciate you.
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It fills my heart to read this Jené. Ive heard people say things like “it’s easy to quit drinking, I’ve done it a million times. Its much much harder to stay quit.” And I love that idea of building a life that one doesn’t want to run away from. Ive found that sometimes it just takes a change in my perspective, which is actually so much harder than changing external things. But so so worth it
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@Sanuk @anon12657779 Thanks so much for your thoughts! I really appreciate it.
No, this is not my first time trying to quit. Went a relative easy 4 months in early '17. Then again about 2-3 months in early '18. And now I am here on Day 10. My husband and I were not living together then (he moved 2000 miles away in 2015 because of his job). So when we were together it was for a week, or a weekend, here and there. Now I retired and I moved to him. Not sure any of that matters, and I am so tired from this damn insomnia that I am not thinking too clearly. At the moment I cannot imagine never drinking ever again, but in a few hours that mood will change. He probably thinks this is temporary. Or maybe he doesn’t even notice yet.
I will take to heart all you said. My drinking has never been “detrimental” to our marriage, or to any relationship really. For me, today, it is about my health.
Blah blah blah, I will keep checking in.
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Apologies, Menno! 
I actually didn’t watch either of them enough to want to forget about them - they were more my sister’s thing…
And I bet if we watched them today, they’d be full of things that would never fly (misogynistic, homophobic, otherwise un-pc), but that was then and i shouldn’t open up a political can of worms!
All that said… “Goodnight, Menno” 
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Hi Jean, you do realise that this is a choice that you are allowed to make in your life that no one, not even your husband has any say in really.
It’s your personal choice.
I think we get so hooked on how socially accepted drinking is that we feel wrong making a choice not to.
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Morning, everyone. Checking in sober, Day 321. It is cold and dark and rainy here, which fits my mood this morning. Had a difficult day yesterday dealing with my autistic brother and my aloof mother; it is a challenge learning to live a sober life under the same roof as them. On top of this, I learned last night that my son tested positive for Covid. He is heathy and athletic, but does have asthma so while he most likely will recover without issue I still am worried. I suppose this is what life is, dealing with the unexpected. I will face today sober. Like any challenge, this too shall pass.
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Excellent point. A perspective that I will explore.
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Day 174 clean and sober today. Going to spend the day doing some housework and updating my resume. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning. Apparently when they did the MRI on my back they noticed there is a growth on one of my kidneys so… I’ve got that going for me lol. The doctor said it’s probably just a cyst which is common but nonetheless they’re sending me to a specialist. I hope everyone has a great day today, love you guys!!! 
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Thx Geo for your thoughts! I will share my decision with my husband But I will choose a good moment to do the talk. The message you’re suggestion is really helpful, it’s clear and compact. I tend to make it way more difficult and want to explain how the brains work so, addiction is not a motivation problem but an illness, thats why its so hard for me to be a moderate drinker and so on. But your message is very clear and respectful towards him.
@FeelingBetter Ah so he’s familiar somewhat with your non-drinking episodes. Im glad to hear your drinking wasn’t “detrimental” to your marriage! By the way, we are newly weds, got married end of july :D, but we’re in a relationship for a decade or so. For my it’s also my health, but more important I want to be a good mother for my little boy.
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Sorry about your son and your difficult day with Fam. I hope he recovers quickly without any issues. I love your attitude. I’m finding out it’s much easier having that attitude when I’m sober. My niece was exposed to COVID at school but they can’t get her a test unless she’s showing symptoms so it’s quarantine for them.
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