Hi everyone, 39 day’s sober…
Sometimes I still feel like I am crawling under my skin
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Congratulations on making the first cut! I also haven’t worked outside the home for several years and so I feel you! I plan to pursue some professional opportunities this year (that’s my goal, anyway) Good luck on round two!
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@MagicILY - thank you so much. I read your message this morning right before I started work and it made my morning to read those words: “I hope you know that voice is wrong”. It still hadn’t dawned on me until then. and also, that ‘progress does not look how we think it will’ - that is also true. I’m reading a brilliant book by a Buddhist - called When things Fall Apart - and its been really helpful at encouraging me to stare fear in the face rather than to run away and distract from it. its true that progress looks different. I am learning a lot, I am in new work, I am sober. Thank you for making my day and well done on soaring to day 68! <3 Sending love light warmth for a good Thursday tomorrow x
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Hey @Dazercat, thank you so much for this. So much solace and strength from music and poetry at times like this.
And sorry to hear you were down yesterday too - but glad that coming on here and sharing on a different thread and making someones day, made YOUR day. I know what you mean - part of feeling down at the moment is that we can’t help people or smile at people in the usual way we would. But we are getting new stores of resilience. I am learning to try to hug my body everyday, and say ‘its okay, we are going through this right now’, our focus is not on being as strong or slim as we can becuase in order to stay safe in our current environment it involves staying inside and being careful. That is important for SOCIETY. So trying to be more relaxed about that, and gentler with myself. I am anxious every day that I will lose my job, but I just need to be more fatalistic. I cannot catastrophize in order to control. I can only deal with the set of cirucmstances as they arise. But I can control how mindful I am in approaching my response.
Thanks a lot for making my day too - and taking the time and care to message. The fact that anyone cares on this amazing site is too amazing. How are you this evening after you felt a little down yesteday? What helps you apart from music?
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Checking in day 260. Still sober! Almost slipped and went to liquor store over the weekend. But I told my self no absolutely not worth it! And this community helps a lot! Thank you everyone! I am gonna break these words really stuck in my head and got me through!!!
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Goodnight everyone.
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Your still sober, these emotions and those tears Is you handling your shit. You’ve been so numb for so long, welcome to the real world it’s a little crazy at times and might take a bit of getting used to but it’s no crazier than where you’ve come from. Just one more fight!
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Good for you!! And 260 Days now!! 
That’s awesome 
I saw this the other day and saved it. I wasn’t sure where I was going to put it. This looks like just as good a place as any to put it.
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!!! When Things Fall Apart is a book I have read many times and given as a gift to many people. I’m so glad you came across it!! It sounds like the perfect thing for you to be reading right now.
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that’s brilliant you’ve got to day 3, it’s tough going at the beginning and it may get worse before it gets better but dig deep, have trust in the process and it ALWAYS gets better 
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it’s a mental obsession and a physical allergy,
An illness called the phenomenon of craving.
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yes share your experience Well done big man 
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You seem a very intelligent person and have really thought this all out, Stop thinking and start doing. I’ll keep this simple - Next time you are about to relapse come on here and ask for help. It’s never too much trouble, we want you to have what we have all you gotta do is want it enough to ask.
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I’m glad you like the lyrics. I just love John McAndrew. All his lyrics are so wonderful.
You in Britain too?
Anyway… for me? I’m doing pretty good today thank you very much. I feel very blessed and fortunate to live in a mountain town that is pretty small and isolated. And I’m retired. So I don’t have all the same stresses some of you younguns got. Like a job or girlfriend/boyfriend or elderly parents. I got stresses! Just different.
Walking my ass off is a pretty good stress reliever for me. When there’s no snow or ice I’ve got Gods country and trails and roads to walk in. Guided meditations work well for me. I use the Breethe app. It’s workout days that bum me the most because I still hate working out. I rather just walk my dogs. Then I do my own 3 1/2 mile power walk. Drink a lot of hot green teas and tons of sparkling water.
Course I miss my kids it’s been a year since I seen most of them and I want to get out and travel. We were supposed to do a lot of traveling in 2020 and 2021. But being in isolation for as long as it takes to be safe in the long run will pay off. I have hope it will.
Keep being the wonderful you that you are.
Be gentle on yourself. You’re worth it.
We got strength in numbers here.
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Day 177
Going to work out my 6 months by the calendar, so actually 7 more days, but nice to be getting near.
Going to lunch with a friend, and her friend. Actually they are childhood friends, who both moved to Japan. Naturally they are very close so hanging out with them makes me feel like a 3rd wheel. It reminds me that I always feel on the periphery of friendship circles, like the hanger on, that people wouldn’t notice if I disappeared. And I feel like that at work too, and in the neighbourhood, and with my husband’s family. And I am literally an outsider in this country.
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Yesterday I almost posted what’s quoted below. I was really out of it, deeply ingrained into the thoughts of drinking. I saw it still there today, not posted, and figured I should share it. Why? Because I made it through those thoughts of drinking by relaying on my plan and it worked (kept me sober) even if I was out of my mind.
Today is storm day here in Canada. Storms makes me want to drink at home and see no one. I hate this feeling. But I guess pretty much a lot of things these days makes me want to drink. And I hate this feeling. I’m having just 30 minutes before my shift end. Gotta find something to keep my head busy to keep those thoughts away. I feel like I am in a very long stretch of fighting against cravings. Everyday is just getting harder. Feels like I’m just pushing the relapse to another day. I am fighting the idea of just doing it so it won’t be in my head anymore. Although I know this is pure BS. The only difference it’ll do is that I’ll be damn hangover full blown anxious and guilty for my behaviours and for having “lost” my sobriety. Therefore I’d only be harder the next day, and even more the next weekend, and so on. Being in recovery is HARD. I know some folks might say we can twist our mind into thinking the contrary, but that’s only what it is: a kind of twist. Because fact is: I can’t help but thinking about drinking every-damn-day since the last 2 weeks. Is it going better, easier? I guess it’s “going”, but certainly not easier. I have more tools that know keeps me away from drinking. I know I have plans and friends and relatives on who I can relay myself if I am in need. But all this isn’t making the craving less painful and actually kind of heartbreaking: (can I say it?) I would like to NUMB myself out of this head for a night with my eternal companion, I dare say booze. Can I say I miss this?? I know I miss a lot of things that comes with it - that’s why I tried to stop since 2018 and now am 141 days sober- but man right now I am romancing the idea of laying on my couch with wine and beers and f&ck all the rest. I gotta stop this train of thoughts right now because it’s not going to go anywhere interesting nor pleaseful. I am now 15 minutes from the end of my shift. Going to finish that day, going home straight, call someone, order some food (yeah, I am hungry that doesn’t help my stress right now)>
So yeah… I was restless. This is the kind of moment where you can’t rely on your thoughts to take a decision because it’s going into a spiral - and when that spiral includes the idea of drinking again , it ain’t good news for sober-me.
Anyways just wanted to share because it just proves me again that relying on plan works. I haven’t even gone so far into my safety plan. Finished my night in a long bath reading, cried a little and woke up fresh and early this morning.
On a bitter note this episode made me realize that I am entering/fighting a cloud of depression that have been slowly getting on me. I don’t have the energy right now to fight it so I am going to switch my position to an acceptance stance and gonna start doing my depressive-state supportive activities/plan ( which means a lot of self care including a lot of reading, self reflection, writings, listening to music, long baths, couch potatoing, phone calls, walking…)
Happy to be sober today.
Recovery is hard. But sobriety is a superpower. And a lot of power comes with a lot of responsibility…
Hope you all be well and sober today!
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Checking in Feb 3 2021
Today i was hired by a new company ready to start and work hard cant wait . I went to my Army recruiter appointment unfortunently i would need waivers to join i have a long slash across my stomach that was done to me after my guts were exposed and a slash on my neck and a surgery done to my chest they would just need proof that my scars wont affect me i weighed pros and cons in my life and well ima truck driver i will keep trucking ill let my brothers have it proud of them, anyways we keep moving forward congrats to everyone hitting milestones LETS GOO 
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Glad you checked in and told us. I am also glad you are not joining the army. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I just don’t think it’s a good time now. But when would be? Probably never. Just my own personal thing. I am happy and we are all bless to have brave men and women that do join the services.
Anyway. Glad you here.
I would have missed all your enthusiasm if you left us.
Let’s GOOOO!!!
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