Thank you. Yeah, that’s what they tell us. But it’s not true. Our health care has been going down for years, and it doesn’t get any better. Despite our high taxes the health care system is always in a lack of staff, money and proper materials. Unfortunately.
I hope everything is good with you today 
Thd sun is shining here, and at least that’s a good thing.
Soo… My husband just got a doctor’s note from the kids psychiatrist stating that he’s qualified to get government money to stay at home with tweenie. After almost six months. Instantly her mother (who didn’t even wanted to go to today’s meeting) calls and talks about taking tweenie back home so she can get the support check. It would be nice and calm at our place again. But I’m not impressed that her only interest is money. Like always. Well see how it plays out. She still has full custody so she can do however she wants.
It’s been a rough start to my day, not going to work. I don’t know, maybe alcohol isn’t the source of my depression. I’ll get through it because I have to but damn. I’ve had rough days but I haven’t felt this low since before I stopped. Sorry, just rambling, wife’s gone to work, I don’t talk to her anyway, at least about this shit. I want to curl up in a corner. Ok, a little chuckle as I remember the “pardon my scream” thread because that’s where I’m at. Anxiety is killing me. I guess I’ll get my ass dressed and try to be productive. I need to get out of this funk. Thank you for listening, it will get better, just sitting in a pothole at the moment. Gotta make today the best it can be, right? Now I’m crying, WTF is wrong with me? A grown man and I can’t handle my shit! Again, thanks for listening to me ramble, I need to move on.
You’re not alone. I can relate - after numbing with alcohol for so long it takes time (so much time…) to find an equilibrium with feelings and emotions. It is reassuring to hear you share here, thank you for being willing to do that. Hang in there and keep on it, and keep coming back!
Hands down this has been the hardest part of sobriety for me.
Alcohol is a depressant, but for many of us alcohol was a means of numbing the pain of depression. It “worked” until it didn’t. Without alcohol, you’re left to feel your feelings. I’m not sure how long you’ve been sober, but early days we struggle with post-acute withdrawal. Then there’s the “pink cloud” which may last a few months but once it dissipates the depression can get worse again.
I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’ve been there myself. My clinical diagnosis is “major depressive disorder with alcohol use disorder co-occurring”. My first recommendation is to talk to your therapist in case you need a change in your meds. They should know you’ve given up alcohol and can help you with guidance.
Other things that help with depression are things that produce endorphins:
Checking in at the end of day 31. Had a strange day today, on reflection. Have been thinking a lot about drinking - but at some point in the future. Haven’t had a single craving or a thought about actually drinking today. Not sure what to make of that. Maybe stopping forever has been on my mind.
Have a good one, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
Recovery is hard, Regret is harder
Keep choosing Sobriety & you wont have any regrets…
Very powerfull words! Thank you! 
Congratulations on your first month…
jeah!!! what great news!
Today is day 76… I got dumped two nights ago for not making his kid a priority. Which anyone who knows me, knows that’s a bunch of bull. Thank goodness I have the family I do. My main reason for not relapsing. I lost my stepson, my dog, and my fiancee in one sentence. And as much as I’m going to miss my sweet boy and my beautiful pitbull, I’m glad im not being mentally and emotionally fucked up anymore. Grateful to not be told how I’m constantly fucking everything up and I can never do anything right. It’s so weird, I havent even cried more than a few tears this time around.
@anon60334405 Congrats on a first year well done! You’ve been through it this year, yet you fought hard for your sobriety. You should be super proud of yourself. Your journey has been beautiful to watch!
@Mno I really look forward to your pictures everyday. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to see Amsterdam in person.
I got the budget version of a Roomba, and my dog that hates vacuums actually loves him. It’s so cute, she follows him everywhere and gets sad when his charge runs out lol. So now he’s her boyfriend, and his name is Sergei. Sergei & Svetlana
Day 3.
Feeling much better.
Still in that anxiety weirdness but, I know that doesnt last forever.
Staying busy, and mindful.
Checking in on day 1128…currently sitting in the dentist office after (many many many many years of) neglect, smoking and drug use. Ready for the first half of my “scaling” (deep cleaning).
The only way out is through. While there are parts of me that want to run out the door and keep ignoring and escaping, I know that this does nothing good for me. Facing the fiery flames of truth one day at a time. Happy to be here sober with you all 
Too funny Beth!! This made me literally lol at work. 
Good to see you struggle through it! You got this!
Sending positive vibes your way!
@mejorando…Hello and welcome! I think sobriety is different for each person. For me it took 2 years of attempts before it just clicked that I was done. Doesn’t mean I dont work at it everyday. Journaling, reflecting, and reading…read read read all the posts, get involved here and in any community resources. Check In everyday if not a few times a day. You can use the search functionality to find pretty much every topic under the sun. Everyone here has a unigue story and relationship with their DOC and have so many life lessons to share. You are never alone in this community and everyone understands as we have been at day one before. Here are additional resources, take care and welcome!
Resources for our recovery
100% agree. But as you become more aware of what you really want and you do that work, it does become easier to talk to them. For me, most of my family will never truly get it as tbey didn’t see me having a problem. Which is why it is so important to surround yourself with people who do get it.
