I had a bad week last week. Friday came and I thought… screw it im going to drink tonight because I deserve it after this… then some how I thought “why the hell would you jump back to the bottem of the pit when the pain your feeling is mostly growing pains from climbing out of it”
Cracked a diet coke and watched TV all night.
Woke up in a great mood.
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That pizza looks great - I hope you brought enough to share!
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I wish I could give you the last slice. I’m stuffed. Just the right amount of burnt and smokey.
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And this is why drugs will never fucking be worth it ever again guys. A year sober and this shit still sneaks up on. I ordered pizza for me and my girls. I use to get my shit from the ppl where I ordered the pizza from.i didn’t think anything of it tho, I’m a year sober and they have good food. So the guy comes to bring me my food, tells me the price and I’m like here yah go…he goes you have the rest of that money? I’m like money, what do you mean, he’s yeah like for cassandra I’m like what? He’s like yeah you were 40 short… I’m still baffled and know for a fact I don’t owe this fucker 40 bucks, my girls are right fucking there and my blood is boiling. I didn’t want to start drama in front of my kids, I’m like yeah one minute dude so I go upstairs grab him the 40 bucks give it him and he leaves. I close the door and go into the kitchen and start balling my eyes out. Like wtf you guys come on I’m a year fucking sober, plz leave me the fuck alone. Why would u even do this over 40 bucks and in front my of my kids. Drugs fucking suck, get away from that shit as far as u fucking can.
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It does not matter if its one year away from dealers or 5 yrs away, they will still manipulate you if they know they can. Don’t let it bother you. Its not worth the energy.
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Day 66.
Its 12pm and baby hasnt visited once yet. Odd. I told it yesterday that I’m going away today for two weeks and il be back, I definetly think it understood me because I havnt seen it once today 
I leave in 3 hours so hopefully I get to have a play before then. I will be off the internet for two weeks. Digital detox while I’m away. No phone, no TV, no internet. Two weeks of stillness 
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Where are you going for this stillness?
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Sorry that happened to you…though it definitely seems you took the exact right lesson from it…
I’m lucky I haven’t seen my dealer in three years…last time I did was the last time I used.
Let us all get as far away from that toxic void as humanly possible 
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Enjoy your retreat April. I’ll miss you and Baby while you’re away but I know it’s going to benefit your recovery process. I have to admit, I’m jealous.
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He’s a POS and thank God you’re not in that circle anymore, Mike. Take that as a sign that you’re doing good and maybe look at him with empathy.
Onward with the good life, my friend! 
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Checking in…end of day 32. Feeling the feels tonight…
I will sit with it, feel it, deal with it. No plans to change my course, no desires to drink…Maybe I just need some actual sleep. Regardless, the feels are there wanting to get out. Need to find myself a private space and just scream it out.
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That is a lot for your family to handle. The mother sounds like a piece of work. As if childhood isn’t hard enough, this child has had it rough. Truly, though, it sounds like you are trying to do the best for her. Sounds exhausting. If I recall from a previous post you have been in her life since she was a little tyke. And you know she doesn’t hate you. You are available! Trying to help her. Makes sense in her unsettled state she would lash out at the person who is probably doing the most for her. If she can get you to hate her then she will know with certainty she is unlovable. On one hand I feel very sorry for her. But on the other, if it were me, I would want to throttle her for being such a little pill.
Thanks for sharing and the BEST of luck tomorrow!!
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To the moon 
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Just a suburbian health/wellness retreat.
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Day 220.
Tired today, but mostly in a good way. Learning to discern - where to put effort, chime in with my voice, tell my story - and when to just to breathe and not engage. A different answer for each of us, probably. But not a snowball’s chance in hell I could do this if I were still drinking…
It’s early to say g’night, but it’s never too late to start getting enough sleep.
We did another day, everyone. A hard day for many. A sober day for all - no matter the number of days, let’s be proud. I know we can do it again tomorrow. 
@apes2020 rest well and come back refreshed! don’t worry about baby. you two have quite the connection and I think he gets it.
@RosaCanDo 150! And so close to the birthday! So much happy alignment. 
@BEANS and @Wasabi79 well done on picking up… pizza, diet coke, anything but your DoC!
@MagicMama and @anon60334405 and…
…actually, this whole forum today… some days we just need a hug more than others. Hugs and to any and all who need it tonight.
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Awwww man, now you triggered my new boot goofin’ addiction 
I must have missed your tat pic, off to find it 
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That sounds intense…
…how was the pizza though?
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Oh wow! It came out soooo good! Yeah, pics don’t do them justice. But I can’t even imagine it looking any better. Glad you put so much thought into it. It sure paid off and you’ll feel so proud every time you look at it 
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