That pizza looks great - I hope you brought enough to share!
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I wish I could give you the last slice. Iām stuffed. Just the right amount of burnt and smokey.
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And this is why drugs will never fucking be worth it ever again guys. A year sober and this shit still sneaks up on. I ordered pizza for me and my girls. I use to get my shit from the ppl where I ordered the pizza from.i didnāt think anything of it tho, Iām a year sober and they have good food. So the guy comes to bring me my food, tells me the price and Iām like here yah goā¦he goes you have the rest of that money? Iām like money, what do you mean, heās yeah like for cassandra Iām like what? Heās like yeah you were 40 shortā¦ Iām still baffled and know for a fact I donāt owe this fucker 40 bucks, my girls are right fucking there and my blood is boiling. I didnāt want to start drama in front of my kids, Iām like yeah one minute dude so I go upstairs grab him the 40 bucks give it him and he leaves. I close the door and go into the kitchen and start balling my eyes out. Like wtf you guys come on Iām a year fucking sober, plz leave me the fuck alone. Why would u even do this over 40 bucks and in front my of my kids. Drugs fucking suck, get away from that shit as far as u fucking can.
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It does not matter if its one year away from dealers or 5 yrs away, they will still manipulate you if they know they can. Donāt let it bother you. Its not worth the energy.
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Day 66.
Its 12pm and baby hasnt visited once yet. Odd. I told it yesterday that Iām going away today for two weeks and il be back, I definetly think it understood me because I havnt seen it once today 
I leave in 3 hours so hopefully I get to have a play before then. I will be off the internet for two weeks. Digital detox while Iām away. No phone, no TV, no internet. Two weeks of stillness 
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Where are you going for this stillness?
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Sorry that happened to youā¦though it definitely seems you took the exact right lesson from itā¦
Iām lucky I havenāt seen my dealer in three yearsā¦last time I did was the last time I used.
Let us all get as far away from that toxic void as humanly possible 
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@apes2020 Enjoy your detox!
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Enjoy your retreat April. Iāll miss you and Baby while youāre away but I know itās going to benefit your recovery process. I have to admit, Iām jealous.
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Heās a POS and thank God youāre not in that circle anymore, Mike. Take that as a sign that youāre doing good and maybe look at him with empathy.
Onward with the good life, my friend! 
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Checking inā¦end of day 32. Feeling the feels tonightā¦
I will sit with it, feel it, deal with it. No plans to change my course, no desires to drinkā¦Maybe I just need some actual sleep. Regardless, the feels are there wanting to get out. Need to find myself a private space and just scream it out.
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That is a lot for your family to handle. The mother sounds like a piece of work. As if childhood isnāt hard enough, this child has had it rough. Truly, though, it sounds like you are trying to do the best for her. Sounds exhausting. If I recall from a previous post you have been in her life since she was a little tyke. And you know she doesnāt hate you. You are available! Trying to help her. Makes sense in her unsettled state she would lash out at the person who is probably doing the most for her. If she can get you to hate her then she will know with certainty she is unlovable. On one hand I feel very sorry for her. But on the other, if it were me, I would want to throttle her for being such a little pill.
Thanks for sharing and the BEST of luck tomorrow!!
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To the moon 
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Just a suburbian health/wellness retreat.
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Day 220.
Tired today, but mostly in a good way. Learning to discern - where to put effort, chime in with my voice, tell my story - and when to just to breathe and not engage. A different answer for each of us, probably. But not a snowballās chance in hell I could do this if I were still drinkingā¦
Itās early to say gānight, but itās never too late to start getting enough sleep.
We did another day, everyone. A hard day for many. A sober day for all - no matter the number of days, letās be proud. I know we can do it again tomorrow. 
@apes2020 rest well and come back refreshed! donāt worry about baby. you two have quite the connection and I think he gets it.
@RosaCanDo 150! And so close to the birthday! So much happy alignment. 
@BEANS and @Wasabi79 well done on picking upā¦ pizza, diet coke, anything but your DoC!
@MagicMama and @anon60334405 andā¦
ā¦actually, this whole forum todayā¦ some days we just need a hug more than others. Hugs and to any and all who need it tonight.
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Awwww man, now you triggered my new boot goofinā addiction 
I must have missed your tat pic, off to find it 
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That sounds intenseā¦
ā¦how was the pizza though?
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Oh wow! It came out soooo good! Yeah, pics donāt do them justice. But I canāt even imagine it looking any better. Glad you put so much thought into it. It sure paid off and youāll feel so proud every time you look at it 
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