Day 81… 9 more days until 90 days. I’ve been incredibly depressed and all I wanna do is go get high and be incredibly numb. But I know that’s just gonna make things worse. My heads just not in a good spot… ya know ?
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It must be this time of the year… I hear and see AND feel your message hard. Thankful we have our sobriety to support us! Get out for a walk if you can, see some nature, breath in some me time, and clear that head of yours! Hope you are feeling better feels soon Trinity. @trose1995
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Everyday I look forward to seeing your numbers and grateful I get to follow along behind you!
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The first 6 months are alot of ins and outs on the pink cloud. Around 9 months hit a pretty good low as well. But things just start feeling normal there was like no urges anymore. It all keeps getting better I promise. Good job on 81 days.
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I tell yah, your boy is killing it over here on the not being awkward conversation person. So today I finally decided to take my hoody off and not hide my tattoo. I’m cleaning a area a guy sees my tattoo, nice ink man whered you get it… I look at him, stare at him for a second. My uncle, he’s been doing it for a while, he did it for free. Fucking boo yah baby I killed it.
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 163
Tweenie had another outbreak yesterday morning, and a new one when she got home from school.
We made Tacos for dinner for Taco Tuesday, I ended up eating one. It tasted like paper to me. And I usually loves Tacos, and almost all food.
I used to looking forward to the kids getting home from school so we could talk and have family time. I don’t anymore because I know tweenie will come home at the same time.
She keeps turning off the heater in her room, and opening up the window. She claims it’s to hot, uet she’s never in there amd when she sleeps she has joggers and hoodie on because it’s cold.
There’s a small risk the pipes to her heater will freeze because it’s - 20 C outside. We’ve begged her to stop, but she doesn’t carem today she ended her outbreak with breaking the last stair on the stairs (it’s a wooden stair)
I’m not happy about it, social service is supposed to come for a home visit next week. Last thing we needed was a broken stair we can’t afford to repair. Their home visit is worrying me a lot. I don’t want them here, and I don’t get why it’s necessary. We already know what the problem is.
My only pair of pants broke this morning, I owned one pair if jeans. I was supposed to check for some new at goodwill today, but I couldn’t find the energy to go there. We’re supposed to have visitors tomorrow, and elderly lady, old family friend. Her husband died if Covid-19 a few weeks ago, and we promised to help her out. She’s getting a stove from us, because we recently replaced ours (when we renovated the kitchen after the water leak in December) and her stove is broken.
I’m thinking about faking being sick so I don’t have to be social.
New argument with my husband today too, about this situation. I don’t even want to talk to him, I don’t have the energy or the willpower to do it. Once again divorce and them moving or me moving really far away seems like an appealing option. Vietnam sounds like a perfect distance, and the weather is probably nice too.
Hope y’all had a good day 
Big hugs to all of you and once again Thanks for being here.
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Lol thanks girl. I was saying I sucked at the conversation 
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Nothing really exciting to show, but maybe I’ll post a pic of my bed foundation after I finish putting it together, haha!
I hope you’re feeling better today. I was thinking about you this morning. I can absolutely relate to the struggle of fighting through depression. I am glad you check in and share honestly what you’re feeling - It helps me to do that and I hope it helps you, too.
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Ughhh well my buddy got out at 830 this morning. It’s 130 and he’s already posted a snapchat picture of him holding a ipa. Bro 9 fucking months in jail and the first thing you think about is drinking. 2 fucking dwis, this is his second time in jail and hey let’s drink. I can’t lie I’m pissed off. But can’t do shit but accept it. I don’t even really want to go over and see him now
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I’m so sorry things continue to be so rough for you. I hope they get better soon and I hope you get some relief from the problem child. You’re so strong to stay sober through all of this, stick with it!!
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Thank you @MagicMama @anon60334405 @littlemisschatterbox thank you all so much. I have been thru a LOT in these last 83 days and honestly this site has helped me out so much. I seriously appreciate the INSANE amount of support I’ve gotten from complete strangers. Thank you. So very much. 
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I finished another sober day! Thanks!
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My sponsor always said to anyone coming in with just a day clean is…do you know what a day is? It’s a long ass time for an addict and you already made it 115 days clean. For the part about your brain it might take a minute for your neuro pathways to rewire its self. I don’t think you are a fake…my subconscious was always playing tricks on me about wanting to go back and use. What worked for me was getting involved with NA and service in meetings and that has kept me clean for over 2 years. I believe that you can make 180 days and more…
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This is so like me, about 3 times I even reset my whole account so the stats and history were gone in the hope I wouldn’t blemish it but once again after a few months it just looked like I was flat lining again but if it’s any help bc just like you I kept on getting up and not giving up it now looks like this
We will not be defeated, We know our worth, We will always get up one more time.
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Not that you asked. And I’m sure you got your history and or reasons; but, I wouldn’t go see him. But that’s just me. I can be an asshole like that. Good luck seeing your buddy.
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Checking in day 404.
Those numbers never cease to amaze me.
I’m not drinking today! And I’m probably not drinking tomorrow.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
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Welcome, DKGuy! I hope day 2 and your online classes are/were a screaming success! On to day 3. 
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crazy how it takes so long to get those kind of sober days and then whoosh!! Your here. Well done mate. 
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Thank you. You’re right I will always stand up even if I fall.
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I say dont go see him your doing great !!
I had a friend and he came out of prison after 2 years he comes out exactly the same and he just had a son you would think he would stop i checked on him and asked me if i wanted to smoke , drink , party i told him i have to cut you off i wish you the best what im trying to achieve consists of the complete oposite of what your doing he respected it instead of going on me it worked out wish you luck !
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