Day 197
Ok-ish day today, not quite as productive as I would like, did two loads of washing and a Japanese class. My sponsor cancelled our zoom meeting today, so still on step 4. Maybe a few more resentments will surface before next week.
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Today I feel heartbrokenā¦
I miss my step dad Alot, there are days where I wish I could hear his Irish foul mouth again.
As a child I couldnāt understand his actions nor his behaviour at times but now as an adult at the age I am now he was dignosed with secondary progressive MS, his life changed overnight and so did mine and my motherāsā¦ He raised me with values I still have today, he showed me a compassion when I came out as a lesbian he never wanted me gone, heād argue in his bed for me continously and would joke that he wished heād got action off a guy before his disease got to him.
We travelled some beautiful parts of the world and he showed me how a father should love a child, when I had no money he was the first to give me funds.
Though we fought we always made up, his words of no matter how much we fight donāt leave this house without saying goodbye to me.
I watched this disease from the age of 12 cripple a man to his bed, begging me to end his life and instead I asked him to fight a little longer as I was scared of losing a man who adored me for me.
Im glad your not suffering anymore but I do truly miss you and for today Iāll be clean and I will express the pain I feel!
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This hits me right in the feels 
So beautiful. Thank you Danni! Iām glad you had him, such a treasure even after him passing 
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Day 3ā¦ hole of depression yesterday
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Iāll keep on hereā¦ I tried meetingsā¦ and that definitely wasnāt my cup of tea.
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Good morning friends - day 102! Expecting a busy day of work, but all-in-all, life is good. Have an awesome day!
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Good morning everyone day 387. I woke up feeling very good this morning. Yesterday me and the kid I lift with has a awesome session, the vibe was great things went smooth and I love how were both in recovery, and both around the same age. When I got home I bought him a small gift, some of the pre work out stuff i use just for bc idk why not. I bought my mom a nice little vacuum for her car so I can detail it for her when it gets nicer out. I love how at first sobriety was pretty hard I struggled, and I went through alot of mind games with myself and wanting to relapse, but Iām so happy i stuck with it, no not every day is great. But now I can accept that, something I never use to be able to do was accept anything. I still havenāt heard from that girl and geuss what it is what it is. You start to see your value and worth in sobriety and everyday just gets better and better. I love you all, keep killing this lifestyle, live and let live and be easy on yourself and love yourself and see your true worth bc your worth sobriety
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Good morning TS friends,
Day 247 and some change
Been sleeping a lot more than I usually do lately, been kinda odd, not sure if itās meds full effect, or if Iām just off pattern, but the last few days I slept 10-12 hours minimum itās not normal. Sucks cause I miss the zooms with the clan.
On the other hand most things are looking up for the first time in a while, you find the most unexpected things in the most unexpected places, is it odd or is it god? Heh. Who knows
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Congrats man,
Btw love the avatar and name Little MAC was the shitā¦
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10 days here. Double digits! Iām struggling, but Iām not giving up. Have a blessed day, all.
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I get those terrible dreadful, depressed, shameful feelings in very early sobriety. I donāt even think there are words good enough to describe it. The good news is that it usually does not last long. Not like a miracle after a week or something, but a lift out of that dark place. There is still poison coursing through your body, it takes time. Take good care of yourself the best you can nutritionally and Iām glad youāre here 
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Congratulations on 10 days!
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Yāall, I donāt know whatās wrong with me lately. My drive and motivation seem to be on vacation and Iāve never been more tired in my life. I literally fell asleep in my class last Thursday and again last night. At least it wasnāt drunk passed out 
So apparently my Dexedrine wasnāt doing much for my ADHD, I just think it was too low of a dose. It certainly helped me stop clenching my teeth during the day, so just for that it was worth it. I think my doctor just wants me on adderall so badly that sheās like, guess this isnāt working, can we please try adderall? Story behind that? I have told her numerous times that I refuse to take adderall because it makes me a mean lady. Last time I tried it was like 23 years ago and it made me nasty. However, looking back, I was also on 60mg of phentermine daily also. If anyone is familiar with that, itās a high dose. It was controlling my eating disorder. But also quite the mix of stimulants.
Anyway, I said I would try it. Itās a lot cheaper than the Dexadrine. Of course they were out of stock so I had to wait a few days. I took it at 6:30 at night and I STILL fell asleep in class, after class, took a phone call, and then slept through the night. She started me low. Sheās worried about me sleeping 
Anyway, we shall see if it works. First sign of angry Beth and that shit goes in the trash.
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Hey all, checking in on day 255. Glad to be sober and here with you all. Hope everyone has a good one!
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I hope that the med change helps @Girlinterrupted. My doctor raised my seroquel 100mgs more and Iām still waking up 3-4 times a night, itās super weird. Day 257 clean and sober today. Trying to let myself feel the uncomfortable feelings and not get down on myself for not being healed yet. I know itās going to take some time and I have to be ok with that. Intake appointment today with a therapist, I am really grateful. Have a wonderful day everyone, love you guys!!! 
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Wow Danni Iām sorry for your lossā¦ that was such a beautiful post about you and your father, thank you for sharing your thoughtsā¦
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Checking in sober, Day 414. Yesterday I had noted my not posting check-ins as much lately and wanting to renew my commitment to this. Now Iāve got too much going onā¦
Last night my son called me, his best friend had died suddenly. Too early to know the cause, he just collapsed and his heart stopped. By the time they got him to hospital he was declared brain dead. He was just 19. My son is devastated, they were inseparable. All I can say is that Iām glad Iām sober to be there for him.
Iām also glad my example of sobriety has made an impression on him. Apparently most of his friends are dealing with the loss by drinking heavily. He has avoided doing this, and we had a long talk about grief, denial and numbing. I talked him into watching a mindless movie and going for a long run.
Heās headed home today. Its going to be a difficult time dealing with this. Hopefully I come up with some words of wisdom to help him through it.
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Hi there
Thank you so much for sharing your story and words of encouragement. You show it can be done. Well done for you. Iām happy to here you and your kids are in a better place. Keep moving forward. 17 months is awesome. I pray I can do it too!
Blessings. See you around! 
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Oof, thatās hard. Donāt put too much pressure on yourself to know the right words or actions. You just have to be a conduit and let them flow through you. Iāll light a candle for your your son and his friend.
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