@Lisa07 thank you @Misokatsu thank you congrats to you on 500 days @CNevarezN enjoy the rest of your time in Puerto Rico, congrats on being there on good terms @Callie99 congrats on walking away from the party your place looks so pretty @Bart_pt wishing you strength to get through the holidays @IamThechange thank you Iām so glad your dog was okay @anon52066378 thank you for sharing your poem @TigerMatriarch thank you @ShadowFax thank you @KevinesKay congrats on 60 days
501 days no alcohol.
62 days no nicotine.
3 days no cocaine.
Still feeling really unwell and unable to leave my bed for more than a few mins. My doctor called today though, he saw my results and thought it best not to leave me over Xmas, so I received a diabetes diagnosis and I was able to collect a new medication for it, it has to be introduced slowly as it can cause stomach issues, but within a few weeks I should āstart to feel much betterā. He will arrange for the nurses to see me to talk me through everything, and heās going to try to get me some more support for my diet.
I have zero energy, I will really have to force myself to shower and spend a couple of hours with my dad and his family tomorrow. I hope there will be no pressure to drink like there was last year, but I know if there is, I will say a firm no again. If I can say no to myself when Iād already relapsed on my other DOC, even though I have a can in the fridge that my friend left, I know I can say no to other people.
Wishing sober joy to all celebrating
Looking forward to checking in with you all tomorrow.
This one is burning for @anon27760155 tonight. Very probable the strongest most courageous person here. All good healing vibes,feelings and thoughts your way Danni. Be well. All my love.
Checking in Day 142 from Meth pills, was tempted to use last night cause my boyfriend didnāt come over due to family issues (an addict son showing up at his door). I know I was only tempted though cause was trying to stay awake 3 hrs past normal bedtime. Anyway finally went to sleep and the minor urge vanished.
Because I was so late to bed I didnāt get up til 2pmā¦but thatās maybe a minor one of my faults. No using or drinking thatās whatās important especially now to be able to support my boyfriend dealing with addiction in his family.
Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! As @Charlie_C says, Iām going to do mine sober!
Congrats on your recovery Cam. I am very happy that you are getting to the bottom of some of your health concerns and I am hoping that with the proper care will will be feeling better soon. You are a warrior, you are so strong and such a beautiful soul. I hope that you find some peace this Christmas and that you can stay strong in your recovery, one day at a time.
I can happily report that Santa arrived and is alive and well and covid free and has no boarder travel restrictions, he is exempt from all rules so he is on his way to your town very soon
I hope everyones christmas is filled with love light and joy
Beyond frustrated today.
Came into an utter shit show at work today, but managed to push through it. I have to admit though that my new hire (who is my only partner staff today) did an amazing job considering he has been with us less than 2 weeks.
So many people asked me what my holiday plans are, it got tiresome answering āsitting in my office, then sitting home alone.ā The holidays for me are a rather lonely time as my family has pretty well disbanded from each other and the few friends I do have have plans with their own families.
But the icing on the cakeā¦ A short back storyā¦ I live with a friend of mine (Friend A), who got into a relationship with my best friend (Friend B). They are moving in together which means I had to find my own place, which Iām fine with. Made some arrangements and I am taking over Friend Bās apartment. The move involves going from Friend Bs current place to get his stuff, to Friend As to get her stuff then to their new place. Back to Friend Aās to get my stuff, then back to Friend Bs apartment. Needless to say a moving truck is needed.
The move happens on Monday.
They did not book a truck.
āWeāll just call on Mondayā
Every place that has trucks is closed from today, until January.
My eye is twitching.
When I found that out I had my first real craving to get sh!t faced like I used to do. I was able to quickly dismiss that thought.
The new year is almost here and I am going to be starting it off right.
New apartment, working out again, getting a kitten sometime soon and most importantly I am sober.
I dont think that is such an ignorant belief at all, situation depending. You are going to feel anxious in different environments but the longer you stay clean the more opportunity you are giving yourself to practice how to cope with life on lifes terms. It does get better there are many of us here who are living proof of that. When you feel yourself catastophising or getting overwhelmed with what could happen reel yourself back in to the present. What is happening right nowā¦ breathe and just take it minute by minute, hour by hour. Sometimes looking at these highly emotional, possibly triggering days as a whole 24hr period is just too much.
Thatās a lot a craptastic for one day. Iām sorry. The holidays arenāt happy for many. It doesnāt help with everyone Falalaing all over. Just stick to your determination to stay sober and have a better healthier life
Today is difficult as expected.
Having to constantly remind myself of what I am grateful for and how hard I have fought to be the best version of myself that I am today.
The house is currently empty, but within a few hours, it will be filled to the brim with angry drunk people at each otherās throats.
I donāt miss being here, besides my mom.
I miss my home and my partner, and my family and my quiet sober holidays.
Itās hard not to be resentful towards the situation.
Itās difficult not to sink into levels of self loathing.
But despite it all, I have not come this far just to even contemplate picking up vodka.
Alcohol is why my life is in ruins and Iām still dealing with the consequences.
If i were to go back, thereād be no way telling if Iād ever make it out.
I cannot afford to fail, it isnāt even an option as self destructive and hateful as that drunk version of me is.
That is not me at allā¦
I am me right now, the best me yet and I have so much more to see, so much more to do and much more to grow.
Not only do I rely on me, but my child does too.
So with all that said, Iāll be enjoying a plethora of coffee tonight to keep me sane
In other news last night while finishing christmas stuff before bed, Ifinallydecided to look through the boxes of things my partner had sent when she packed our things. I discovered that she only packed my daughters things. Literally nothing in there was mine or ours. So that makes me wonder if sheās playing games or trying to heal before moving forward? I donāt know but itās messing with my head and I really donāt have time to dwell on anything at the moment.
Never in a million years did I think this is where I would be in life right now.
With @Mno in keeping a candle burning for @anon27760155 , last we heard from her, in the forum, around Dec 16, she was headed to the ICU and a ventilator. Be well friend, get well quickly and completely! Holding you in thought. You are not alone.
Oh yeah, its been a day.
And I know my neighbors (live above me) are gonna be waking me up at the crack of dawn tomorrow since they have small kids that like to jump around.
Oh well, bad days are just a part of life and I just needed to vent.
My shift is almost done, I have a bottle of pepsi calling my name when I get home, then im gonna listen to some music, play a game for a bit and relax
He will arrange for the nurses to see me to talk me through everything, and heās going to try to get me some more support for my diet.
