Checking in. Day 27. Got a busy busy day and weekend.
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Day 69
My room is less disgusting! Going on a trip tomorrow.
Did laundry, organized my art.
Family problems. Fatigue. Bad air. Tired. Trying to be better. There is only today.
No cravings, pain in my neck and back. Anger. Do the next right thing.
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Checking in
Day 88
Craving to use. My mind is trying to convince me. I’d say my urges to use are a 5/10. Stronger then what I usually feel. I think I have to reconnect with my HP cuz i feel like I am trying to do this on my own (amd i know where that gets me).
Idk what’s going on with me the past few days. I wake up pretty rested and then my energy dies off so fast. I feel like this lack of energy is actually creating urges to use. I’m soo tired (which I figured was bcuz I had exercised for the past 4 mornings and had gotten up early)… but idk. I feel lie I can’t get enough caffeine into me to help me or my tolerance is too high for the amount of caffeine I consume. Like I’m running out of options for energy. And I don’t want to get addicted to energy drinks, sooo idk what to do. I can’t nap during the day otherwise I would. But I have my lavender essential oil on now and I’m trying to deep breathe. Hubby got home early from work and went out to run some errands. I know I can get thru today without using. Just need to nip this in the bud and take care of this before this gets to be a bigger problem
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Yep. HALT - Tired. There it is 
Your addict brain is trying to trick you to use, but what you actually need is meaningful rest (and possibly a change, to stop burnout).
Good for you for sharing. It helps getting it out! 
How long since you had some vacation? A real chance to decompress. I find it takes me more than a weekend to really decompress.
Another possibility is you may be burning out at work. You have shared before about your job and its high stress (at least, some times, most times?). That is burnout if you push yourself too long without a break.
Just brainstorming. It sucks feeling tired like that, just tapped out.
Do you have any ideas what it might be?
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Thanks Matt hugs I appreciate ur comment. I actually forgot all about HALT. I’m glad u mentioned it. I do need rest and I do need to just let loose in a healthy clean and sober way. I may be pushing myself too much. I never was much into working out, but as of recently I’m exercising at 530am-7am the past 4 days and then taking care of my daily tasks. I have been irritable lately and not quite myself. And I guess today it hit me and my addictive mind thought it was an opportunity to try to sneak it’s way in lol. I prayed and cried and then listen to a couple songs. I do alot during my days and usually get to bed by 1030 or so (which is fine) but sometimes even on the days when I don’t have much to do, I get squirrely and I feel like I almost make myself feel overwhelmed in my head, even though in reality, I have no reason to be overwhelmed. Not sure if I explained that correctly lol hope it made sense. Like today I barely did anything besides work out and some dishes. But I am very stressed and tired and feeling like I need to do something… but I have no energy to do it, which frustrates me and irritates me. I’m all over the map today haha Anywayz thank u SO much Matt for commenting. I needed the chat 
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Paul!!! So proud of you!!! Omg 600 days is such an accomplishment! So much hard work went into this
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And cake 
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Let yourself rest. Is there a spa near where you live? Treat yourself to a massage.
I imagine the cost of drugs is similar to the cost of a massage (but what do I know! Seriously I have no idea) - or at least it’s part of a massage. Why not go for the massage?
I’ve been to a spa and it is awesome. It’s worth it
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@Alycia That book has been in my to read list for a while! Maybe should actually buy it and read it!
@Butterflymoonwoman Being in tune with ur feelings is good, reaching out is good. You can get thru this! 
@Dolse71 Congrats! So proud of you. Celebrate by eating more cake 
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Day 132 of no alcohol.
Tiny highs.
Been trying to get tiny highs from black coffee late at night for the last few weeks lol. But tonight it’s left me feeling a bit sick so I will stop this. I want to have a small treat each evening esp at weekends instead of drinking, while I watch tv etc. Im not missing drinking at all, but just want to feel like im having something fun at night to eat/drink bc in the daytime I eat healthily. I don’t really like sugar so thinking I might start snacking on crisps or maybe a bit of pizza, chips at night. 
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You can do this! Remember to take recovery days from the gym too:) what about doing like a quick energizing meditation if you have time during a break in the day? Also remember to allow yourself to be tired. I think sometimes it’s the fighting of it that makes us want to use.
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Absolutely!! Everyday is a good day for a slice of came! But especially for you today!
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Amazing numbers, mate.
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Finally I think spring is here! Fired up the grill tonight and cracked an ice cold root beer. Happy weekend everyone.
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For some reason I’m really wanting to self harm. I get insanely anxious when I want to self harm but that anxiety just keeps building. I’m on the phone with my vr friend but I don’t think I’m going to tell him how I’m feeling
Edit: I did take something to harm myself with but my best friend called me repeatedly until I answered and put it back.i put it back and I’m safe. But he cried on the phone and honestly I feel a million times worse for worrying him. Which is just making me want to harm myself more. But I won’t.
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That’s a wonderful reply!! You’re absolutely correct. Thank you
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