Thanks so much, Iām glad to be here. Iām sure not having this community wouldāve led to my detriment and Iām happy to have leaned into it this time around
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Day 70 !! So glad for my program, God, and this support forum. Prayers to all of you 
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Almost match time. Have a nice and sober game. You can do it. we watch together 
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Are you going to watch the match tonight? It was so unfair that Feyenoord had lost. Really depends on the referee (scheidsrechter). They played a really good game
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Safely into Day 3.
Thank you, all, for the huge warm welcome back. It means the world to me. 
I wanted to post last night, but I got in so late. I had already made plans a week ago to attend a gathering (boozy) at a colleagueās, and I didnāt want to decline. I let my companion know beforehand I wouldnāt be drinking, and he supported me fully. I actually had no desire to drink last night and had a lovely time. I also just watched. How some guests were ambivalent about their glass of wine beside them, oblivious to it, even. They left without finishing. While others poured shot after shot, glass after glass. For my part, I know if I had been drinking, I wouldnāt have been present to the people around me, some of the great conversation. Too much of my mind would be focused on the drink in front of me and the one(s) that would come after.
Like he said 
Yep. 100%. While I donāt plan on testing myself with more boozy gatherings in these early days, thankfully - this resonates with me right now.
Yes. Like, thereās really no question now! And no pointing in conducting the experiment ever again. As much as I may wish I hadnāt picked up a drink some months back, if I can turn that into stronger resolve for sober day after day after dayā¦ itās not wasted. Youāre right - thank you, Claudia! 
@Alycia and @Miranda - Iām not sure we crossed paths when I was here before, but to know you see yourselves in my words and I in yours is a massive comfort.
@Matt I deeply appreciate and respect you and your honesty.
@Rockstar24777 Hugs and condolences and gratitude for you and your example.
Onward, friends. Big love to all.
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We are having the craziest weather here ! The other day, we had a daytime storm that turned the sky black, rain, hailā¦
And tonight, crazy lightning !! I tried to upload a short video clip, but the system wonāt let me.
Is that normal ?
In any event, Iām off to bed, though I suspect that this isnāt going to be a very restful night if this keeps up !
13 days nowā¦
Goodnight, all.
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Day 249 checking in 
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Congrats on your three days @M-be-free49 and making it through a ābar examā also (being around people drinking, the party last night). Hope you will find your peace and joy in your drinking self and be able to fully embrace yourself sober. It is a good place to be as you know. Good to see you, good to see you at the three days. For you and your sobrietyā¦ a gift from me.
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Day 8 - Checking in once again as I start my second week. I had a lovely weekend catching up with old friends and itās been good to get out and about in the world again.
On the train back my very tired brain started prodding me with temptation but I ignored it. Which was a lovely positive step as tiredness is often my worst enemy. I tried to open back up to my feelings and was partially successful. I realised I have been feeling a bit lost lately and whilst I am living in a friends spare room I feel like I have lost my identity. I am just someone who is a bit part in other peopleās lives.
But I tell myself that this will pass and I have to be positive for the future. Take the time to set up something better for both myself and my kids.
@Deep Well done on coming back and being accountable. Itās a tough thing to do but you are taking a positive step. The progress you have made is not lost. Keep on your journey. I believe in you!
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Checking in at 2 years, 3 months and 7 days. Since yesterday I have been wanting to get high after my meeting. I had the realization that my addiction probably worked itās way into getting me into the relationship w the recovering addict I am āwithā and that my addiction got me into this relationship hoping I would relapse eventually, become codependent, stop focusing on my recovery. It made perfect sense. Cunning, baffling and powerful. Well I told my sponsor and she told me to start step one. So I am finally doing the steps after 2 years soberā¦ I am powerless. I honestly feel like I am going crazyā¦ I keep trying to mentally fight this disease. I obsess all the time. I have all these crazy thoughtsā¦ itās more than just drugs and alcohol. Well yeah so I am really doing this but I notice my addiction keeps taking me off track like wants me to do other things instead of do my step work like go outside and play basketball close to ppl
Who recreationally smoke weedā¦ or wait for the guy who cheated on me to get money from other women to callā¦ or change into clothes that I donāt like the way they look on me so I know I feel bad about myself. Literally my addiction is trying to sabotage me and itās so weird bc it feels like itās me but 2 years into
This Iām realizing itās my addiction!!! I have to choose recovery and do my step work, talk to my sponsor and other recovering addicts. I hope I can do this!
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Hi, your post hit me hard, as I could of written the story myself. I am 3yrs sober this weekend, but honesty feel I live each day by the hang of a thread. āSurrenderā is a big word, but it is one that I know will set me free - if that makes sense. Good luck with your steps, and I am proud of you for your honesty.
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Evening check in
Starting to find my routine here in Florida. I had originally planned to stay with a friend but then discussed plans with my dad about helping him and a contractor friend turn the guestroom into a separate part of the house with separate entry and kitchen . They want to do it for house property value and had already planned but also to help me. I know that me and my family have work to do But not everything can get solved in a couple months. This is an opportunity to keep working on myself in a stable environment. I must stay in my own lane and not worry what other people are doing .
Iām Grateful to be sober and I feel myself entering a new chapter. Because of my alcoholism and mental health Iāve always had to live in toxic environments or places I donāt really want to be. Or I had to be living in a tent. But I donāt want to live that way anymore.
when I say I feel that Iām entering a new chapter itās because Iām thinking about careers and ways to learn new skills. A friend has been motivating me to use some of my customer service skills to try to find better jobs that are less physically demanding than construction or restaurant work. Iāve been taking these typing classes the last couple days. And reading about how to send proper emails. For now I will take the humbling job and deal with it while on my off time learning new skills so that I can apply to better Jobs. If I got some kind of office job I would definitely start at the bottom and Iām trying to look into ways to start learning some of the stuff before then. I will play two hours a guitar a day instead of four. So two hours will go towards new skills.
Iām Grateful for this moment right now. Where things are calm. I feel like things are paying off because for a while I was questioning everything even though I was trying really hard. Iām learning that it comes in waves. And itās usually really never that big of a deal. I just have to talk to somebody. And get up and do something positive 
I hope everybody has a good night. Stay strong
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@anon53116147 I totally agree with this post.
You want to escape your life, which has been constricted and reduced by drug use. And u escape with more drug use.
I was the same, but with alcohol.
You need to take drugs out of the equation, and make a life so rich u donāt want to use.
That doesnāt mean a fancy life, necessarily. But a satisfying one.
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Thank you!! Congrats on the 3 years clean! Yeah itās a everyday struggleā¦ this disease is as I say ālives in us, is invisible and wants to kill usā I donāt think Iāll ever be able to outsmart it but one day at a time !!
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15days and 20minutes. My wife took a day trip with the kiddos today to go see her Mom and Sister about 3 hours away. They left this morning right before I went to work. Well old me would have just got home and started drinking since no responsibilities (with the fam gone.) Instead Iām sober and I got my garage cleaned up and now waiting for my takeout dinner (little reward). Going to take my dinner home and play video games.
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@Bluekoolaid this makes me really happy to read 
Sobriety gives us hope for the future, it has for me too. I get frustrated thinking about time Iāve wasted but we can only look forward. Best of luck honing your new skills, even if the job your taking now is a stepping stone, your taking steps towards a better future and thatās awesome 
@Staringupfromthewell well done on your first week! You have so much to look forward to. This is just the beginning, time will heal and sobriety will allow you to grow. Iām rooting for ya.
@moonchild7994 this really hits me. Iāve made it past two years, and just completely uprooted my life. And I look back now, I canāt pin point what made me take those first steps. Why I threw it away. I thought I had the sober thang down. And all of a sudden I didnāt anymore. Itās so damn impressive to see you recognise it, to see your mind looking for an out back into addiction. Itās so helpful to see that it doesnāt matter how much time passes, youāve still gotta be prepared for relapse, it might be super easy at timesā¦ but two years later your brain might just say fuck it, letās use. Iām so happy youāve noticed whatās happening within yourself and your finding the strength to put your tools in place to look after yourself. Thatās so awesome 
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Eyyy guys, I made 60 days 
I feel good. I feel on track and hopeful for the future.
I went to a wedding yesterday, we made it past the ceremony and everyone was gearing up to get wasted. The reception was a few hours away, everyone was inviting us to their rooms to drink, to the bar to drink before the reception of more drinking. And my husband and I just jumped in the car and left.
I felt really rattled, like I was missing out on something really exciting.
But once my husband and I got talking we realised that a) it was really important for us to get out of there, because nothing good would have come from staying. We would have been bored or felt pretty left out watching everyone get drunk, or we would have ended up just drinking to join the party. And b) we werenāt missing out. We wanted to feel good the next day, we wanted to save our money, we wanted to enjoy each otherās company and time that evening.
We went for amazing burgers for dinner instead, came home, watched a movie together, and spent a bit of time on our hobbies. Woke up today with a full day of feeling good and being able to spend our Sunday doing useful things to set ourselves up for the week.
I am so grateful to have him doing this with me. When we drink together we bring the worst out of each other. But when we are sober together, we are stronger and united. Anyway thanks for listening, have a great weekend guys.
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Thank you for your words. Yes exactly trying to look forward not backwards as much. So many benefits to being sober. Especially being productive
Also good call on getting out of the wedding when you were feeling sketchy. I also had an exit strategy when I went to my brothers wedding. We have to trust our feelings now. And know when we need to get out of there
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Trying to put my needs first. Itās hard but necessary!
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