Congratulations to @Cloyboy89 for 60 days and @AuraXP for 4 months!!
@Girlinterrupted glad you’re back!
@Butterflymoonwoman Love what you said about defense mechanisms. We can always count on you for something insightful. I’ve frequently felt myself that likely the source of my anxiety is living so long with a sense of impending doom. I just can’t cope when things are going good. 
I got my tax refund finally. Took care of a lot; paid some rent, filled up the freezer, paid some on my credit card, even went to the library. But the entire day I’ve been wanting a beer. 
I’m not going to drink, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
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There she is.
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Missssssed you 
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Our peoples😂
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Thank you, thats so lovely of you to check on me.
Yes i am fine thank you, just been reading trying to catch up with the odd reply.
Hope your doing ok 
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That’s awesome 
I have been saying I need to look into my google photos and do some cleaning up. I actually want to print my daughters baby photos. I haven’t gotten to that project in forever.
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Somehow still day 18.
Fell asleep after my emotional ranting post. Slept through my friend calling me for the ride I’d promised. Guess you don’t always have to drink to mess things like that up. Fell back asleep and just woke up feeling super frustrated. This week felt like it was gonna take 10 years, and it fuckin is. Didn’t go to my Dr’s appointment, don’t feel bad about it, kinda glad I didn’t.
Starting to notice when reading through people’s posts that at the first mention of god I immediately stop reading and move on. For the most part this app is full of super supportive people/posts, but it’s also starting to feel really churchy and preachy which might keep me from using it for a while.
Maybe I’m just coming into the anger phase. I’m even starting to get angry about friends checking in on me. I just want to sleep away the next 10 months.
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Check out the atheist thread if you haven’t. I need to post there more often. I can relate SO MUCH. Really.
It feels like there aren’t many of us here but we deserve our space as much as anyone.
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Awe that’s very sweet! Thank you Mark! I’m glad u had a productive day 
hope that thought disappears soon for u tho
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I have read through a lot of those posts and it is definitely refreshing to not feel like someone’s pastor is hanging out. I almost wish people would post a trigger warning so I could jump the posts.
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Working on it. Binge watching season 3 of Stranger Things (I think I saw it once already when I was drunk because some of it looks familiar. 
) Also got that movie “Everything Everywhere All the Time”. So I’m focusing on pretty much anything but drinking. And fantasizing about my trip to Spain.
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I am, thank you. Having a blah day I guess. Or blah couple of days. Seems like every day now is taking 2 days to roll over. It’s probably because I’m not sleeping well. It’s like my days are in reverse, I’m exhausted all day, then I fall asleep for a short time and wake up with my mind racing and lay there for hours. It will pass I’m sure.
@Miranda I did see your post earlier with sleep relief, thank you. I was going to reply tonight, but I couldn’t find it. I do have some melatonin gummies I bought, I haven’t tried them. Someone here mentioned it gave them weird dreams. I also have ‘Calm’ magnesium (?) gummies, I keep forgetting to take at night.
Hugs to both
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I hear you. I’m sorry it’s been tough. I’m here and am sure anyone else on that thread would be too if you want to post there or PM me any time.
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The word God used to bother me alot also many years ago when I attended 12 step meetings. I almost didn’t want to continue going although what good would that do? The only person that this would be hurting was myself. I would be losing that opportunity to perhaps learn from that meeting, whatever I was meant to learn. Over time l became more open minded in recovery. I have learned alot from many diff religions and non religions. There are many ways that people recover. It was also suggested to me to change the wording. So when people would say God, I would in my mind focus on a word that I COULD relate to such as Higher Power or Good Orderly Directon or whatever. I made it so that I could still be engaged in what was being said and I could learn from that person wether they mentioned the word God or not. There is sooo much to learn in recovery and everyone has something to contribute wether they have God in their lives or not just a thought ad maybe that would help ease that word for you
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Day 133 of no self harm.
This cymbalta withdrawal has brought me to a rock bottom after 2 days. I have been crying on and off all day. I can barely stay awake during the day because I’m so exhausted from feeling sick. I’m borderline about to quit my 3 week old job because I’m so sick and I can’t do anything but lay here and try not to keep throwing up. I can’t even have my camera on in meetings because I’m walking away at least every hour to go to the bathroom. I can’t stop shaking and I can’t sleep for long because I wake up from nausea. I called my doctor begging for some solutions but he said it could last for months and there is long term withdrawal symptoms for 44% of patients. I never would’ve taken this medication if I knew. I start actually taking calls for my job Friday but I can’t do that. I can’t like this. I’m crying over everything. And my job is such a mess and so unorganized right now. I’m ready to quit but if I quit I don’t know that I’ll find another job. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been so desperate
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Here’s my new hobby besides drinking. I’ve been working on it a lot, last night was watching the new episode of Better Call Saul while working on it, and I was getting triggered. The only thing I could connect, was I’ve drank through all 6.5 seasons, this was the 1 episode sober. And the fact that I’m still on day 31 for (what feels like) the 3rd day. IDK. Powering through 
@Cjp most of the left side is done. I’m finding diamonds everywhere, too bad they’re not real. 
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Evening Check in
Day 148
My evening honestly was really good. I haven’t had a nice evening like this with hubby in a while. Idk if it was me opening up to him earlier about the appreciation that I have for him, but I am making it a goal of mine to focus more on repairing some relationships. Looking at my part and to stop pointing the finger and blaming others. Like they say, “When you point a finger at someone, 3 fingers are pointing back at u”. I also had an amazing experience today talking with someone on TS. I actually opened up about something that I have never really had the opportuity to share. I have never told anyone about a situation that has really hurt me to the core. This forum is truly incredible. It truly makes sense to me how we can do this together. Learning from one another, allowing everyone to just have a place to open up and to gain diff perspectives on situations. It opens my eyes and it allows me to be of service (to give back) but also heal as well. I really feel like today was empowering for me and like I’ve reached some sort of turning point. I’m not sure yet. I still have to process some things. But I’m grateful to be where I am today 
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If you haven’t checked out Dharma Recovery, it’s also a really interesting take that isn’t god focused. One of our mods started a thread and I’ve enjoyed it and am starting to read some of the book.
I don’t think anyone should have to fit in a predetermined box but there are definitely good things out there that can be helpful for recovery that aren’t god focused.
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Day 269 AF
Busy work day.
Nothing new today. Staying busy with the kiddos. Gonna go for a walk in a bit.
@Bones_80 congrats on 90 days. Some days seem longer and slower than others, but they build up. Time will pass, bro. ODAAT
@Misokatsu congrats on 700 days.
@Charlie_C Costco is the spot.
@felipeandrews congrats on 4 months. Feel better, bro.
@Lovelyoutlook congrats on 30 days. That’s huge. Those days were brutal for me.
@DryIn785 I made a mistake by not rewatching the Stranger Things seasons. I was a little lost on season 4 lol. I’m like…who’s that again?
Congrats to everyone else on here. We’re killing it, fam.
Have a good evening!
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