2nd checkin. Day 119 AF
I have a hard craving to drink, SH or restrict eating to zero.
Called mum and we argued again!
Feeling like the last idiot. Want to escape from life by toxic behavior! F*ck
12 Likes
Hey Jules.
Fuck that craving!!
Are you HALTING?!!
Seems like Iâm catching you on here when your craving. I wish I could help more. Iâm glad you shared.
Have you heard of HALT?
Is there something you can do to help ease your cravings?
Edit. I see it says binging at the top but itâs for any kind of addiction craving.
8 Likes
Brian started this great topic.
Itâs kinda cool to see @I.cant.We.can use it in real time. Miss you Brian
5 Likes
Thank you.
I am all of that.
I will go to the pool anyway.
There I am maybe not alone.
I am so lost sometimes last days.
4 Likes
117 days. Feeling existential and left behind in life. But Iâm still not giving in to temptation.
10 Likes
I was just thinking about you so popped on 
Me and my mum have a really love hate relationship but very quickly we can argue its something we are both working on because life is just too short, i wont go into details but she has a weird way of showing she cares and loves but deep down i know she does.
But what was making me think of you is tonight i am craving so bad, craving drink and craving to not be alone.
I have this guy we are really close like have been in love with eachother for many years, i havent spoke to him for 2 years but he keeps constantly trying to get in touch with me and i so badly want to meet up with him but if i do im going against everything i have worked so hard to not be and to not be apart of.
For me to meet him id feel i need to drink - so straight away i am not at a place in my sobriety where i can start a relationship back up or anything like it.
I know how quickly id turn into the person iv worked so hard not to be.
He also always has the drug cocaine around and i would use it when i drank, everyday i was doing this all day to block out and numb myself from a traumatic situation that has been ongoing for the past 2 yrs which i cant talk about as coming here helps me to escape those problems and concentrate on staying sober here is my safe place and il end up sad and triggered.
All im thinking about is getting dressed up and having one night of just âletting my hair downââ even thinking about it gets me excited but i then remind myself who i am and who i want to keep being, and its not a drunken cocaine mess hanging with a person just because im familiar with that scene. Theres so much more to come of our sober lives but at a steady safe pace where as if i want something i usually dont hang around and this has got me no where but trouble.
Then i remind myself how well im doing and do i want to chuck that down the drain all for what really is nothing good.
You can get through these feelings, the grass is already green for us why would we want to go back to what we know isnt good for us.
I hadnt shared this before but as we are both having similar feelings i hope it can help you some way to know your not alone, your doing so well and im proud of you, you deserve to meet someone that can give the relationship what you give it and nothing less we just have to be patient and for me i need to learn to love myself sober, to be kind to myself and love will come when its ready and if i am honest with myself im so not ready for it although i want it.
Im still building my life back together and for me this guy if i met back up with him all in 24 hours id ruin this life. Somedays are so lonely i want to scream, somedays im so sad i cry, somedays i dont feel like anything good is going to happen and i think why am even doing this staying sober.
But most days are good, they never used to be but there are more good days than bad, i know who i am now, i know what plans i have for my life, i am learning what truly makes me happy instead of trying to run away from myself.
Im learning to like what i see in the mirror and tomorrow morning i want to wake up being sure of myself knowing im strong inside and working on my own self love.
The thought of waking up after a silly night of making silly choices - i cant even bare to imagine that feeling in the morning.
Anyway i hope your okay, im here for you im not sure if any of this made sense as im feeling abit like my life is boring and why shouldnt i just âŚ
But i know im having delusional thinking iv got through these feelings many evenings before and i will again today.
I will wake up tomorrow safe and happy and sober.
Im going to read here, put a film on and make some food in a bit.
Im so glad your here 
P.s you need to eat something okay, if your going to feel bad for eating then just have some healthy dinner because your body needs it
Im thinking of you x
11 Likes
Yes you will Twizzle. Because youâre worth it. Because sobriety is worth it. Itâs worth it so much more than all the other stuff you write about. Weâre so lucky to have you here. Youâre definitely absolutely totally not alone. Huge hugs and big love. And the same goes for Julia @Juli1 of course. Hang in there ladies. X.
5 Likes
Thank you this really means alot to me to read your kind words.
This is so true and makes so much sense out of the confusing thoughts im having.
And thats all i need to do is to stay sober and this way i know everything is going to be okay.
Going off the rails would definitely only make these feelings x10 worse.
Your so lovely and we are lucky to have you here too !! I dont know what id do without being apart of this community
5 Likes
Ouhhh Twizzle, thank you so much for this post! Maybe itâs day of cravings. I feel you. We are strong girls okay! Very strong, taff girls.
And no we donât even deserve a sense of guys like that! There are a LOT of other and good guys out there. We just had a wrong sensor these years, and we loved that drama and the kick.
I was so bored by more patient or settled guys.
Itâs subconsciousness
In the meantime I have another view.
But i am not totally over it and healed.
Like you said, itâs about working on ourselfs in the first place. So⌠I really feel you!
Thanks for sharing your storry so open here. Drinking was totally combined with meeting my ex on.off guy too and he was using cocaine as well. Glad I didnât touch it. Had enough with several other drugs between 14 and 20.
Please stay strong and go stubborn on your path. The right path.
Such a night wonât give you anything!
You will feel empty and you will have to reset.
You will regret it.
If I have the feeling of âI need to breakoutâ i am trying to do something wild, unfamiliar or new⌠Ok, just reminded myself that this is not a bad idea next time again.
Your strong, taff girl made 1850 meters in the pool and then⌠She cried under the shower and again sitting in the car. 
Thatâs life.
But we will make it. 
Just read your post and the kind words of @Mno too 
3 Likes
I just ask myself how to find the right balance between distance and having a closely connection. As you said you said, life is too short.
1 Like
Awwwww when your sad know im with you in your heart and id give you a big hug and tell you things are going to be okay
Well done with your swim too your doing so well and so consistent too !
Your very right about staying strong and stubborn thank you for your lovely words they mean alot and make so much sense to me.
Iv just put my electric blanket on and im watching something called 1899 on Netflix it looks good so far, and il have some snacks in a bit.
Please try to eat this evening okay, you will need nutrients after that amazing swim 
so your ready for for next time.
Im so glad your here thank you for helping me rationalise my thoughts tonight.
2 Likes
Sounds super cozy!
Enjoy your night with the most important person in your life 
Yourself.
Done
I still had leftover rice from vietnamese yesterday that I just heated up with tofu and scrumbelled egg. Carbs and portion, good for the muscles. Bitter Lemon zero as a drink.
I personally can sleep brilliant by eating late
So i will switch to bed in the second floor, under the roof.
3 Likes
Checking in on 1 month and 10 days!
Iâm gratefull to be sober. Even though I had cravings today. I hope I can stay off the booze train.
16 Likes
@PaigeTurner Congratulations! 
@Ktorres Congratulations on a week and getting up so early to run!
@Juli1 @Twizzlers So glad you guys can share experiences and support. Thatâs what a sober community is all about . Remember if you guys want to talk in more detail about your shared experiences you can pm each other if you donât want the whole thread to see.
5 Likes
Day 111â:sparkles:
I am on the right path
15 Likes
@Misokatsu thanks. Day 7 after the last breakdown
6 Likes
Day 258
Dont want to write about the day i had but it occurred and nothing life altering happened. Checking in, even if i could use doesnt mean i will.
13 Likes
Sounds like u had a rough day 
hope ur day improves. Hugs
2 Likes
Im so happy you had something to eat and will be able to sleep after too.
This 1899 on netflix is quite good keeping my mind busy i am all cozy too.
Il probably fall asleep soon so have a good nights rest and hopefully we wake up feeling brighter if not we have eachother and everyone here for support
2 Likes