Hey Julia
Of course we take you back on board. I know how you feel, many of us have been there.
Welcome home 
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Day 295
I did the tidying the last few nights even if it is the bare minimum.
Really want to use but never lasts long enough for me to go get it. And i know it wont help what im feeling at all.
So tired. In pain. Wrote some and am reading 2 books. So so sad.
Im going to try and write a poem thats been brewing in me in a single sitting using a timer. Maybe that will help.
Still sober. Glad to be alone. Grateful for the resources i have. Goodnight.
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@Benwa10 That’s a fab Christmas present to yourself and your whole family. 
@Butterflymoonwoman Hoping your son gets better soon. 
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my existence means nothing to this family
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Day 4. 8pm Christmas night. I’m in my room at my Mom’s crying. Nothing bad has happened but I’m completely done with people and pretending to feel fine. The anxiety and depression are bad. The cravings to drink are horrible. I guess I’m having a pity party. I want to be back in my own home, alone. I’m here until Tuesday. We’re supposed to visit more family tomorrow but I might have to bail. I’m at my limit for coping with anything. I’m already worried I’ll go back to drinking when I get back home. I feel ready to give up. I can’t do this.
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Your existence means a lot to us. hugs
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if you need to go home , go home. there’s nothing wrong with that. it’s Christmas and you were there for the holiday, nothing wrong going home after it. you can do this, even if it is hell. you have to take care of you first
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i don’t know how I’m going to get through new years. i feel desperate. I’m stuck with my awful family right now and every second I’m reminded I mean nothing
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Can you get some alone time? Write a comforting letter to yourself?
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i chilled in the bathroom for a while and was trying to calm down when someone said “who’s in the bathroom everyone’s here” so that didn’t help
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You cant expect any support from them. Theyve already shown you that. You have to be the hero in your story. If i were you i would be plotting and saving to get as far away from their toxicity as i could. You deserve peace and happiness
Edit but we are here and have your back
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thank you. I’m trying to i just can’t imagine leaving my grandpa but my grandpa is a package deal
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Day 51 sober
Today is better
Me and my wife’s company has come and gone
Turkey was made
Made it through the day sober and I’m happy about that 
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Im proud of everyone whos making it thru christmas sober. We’re rock stars
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Can you go outside and go for a walk and get some alone time? I dont know if you are in one of the many hard hit cold weather, ice and snow areas or not. Otherwise there is not any reason why you have to be participating inside the house 24/7. You could go walk around a park, go to a library or book store, local events, or a store/stores or something. If you have to stay inside the four walls then you have to. Find an audio book or get Calm or Insight Timer and check those out. The meditation thread here has lots of suggestions. I am sorry you feel stuck, also grateful you are getting that time with your beloved Grandfather. Hugs @SadMemeQueen … good to see that you are not talking about self harm so that is a good giant step forward for you. I am sorry your family makes you feel so crummy. Shame on them.
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I’m glad you’re here! You are so strong and caring and amazing! I missed a few days on this app and missed everyone, as I’m sure you did when you were away. Welcome home. 
How are you doing? You’re still in holiday right? Is it warm? Are you able to do yoga on the beach and go swimming? I hope you’re having a beautiful time!
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it’s extremely cold so no outside. i do have something on my smart watch that has breathing timers I may try those I forgot it had that. I’m heading home soon. self harm hasn’t crossed my mind much at all. which I suppose is progress it’s just definitely an odd feeling
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Missed quite a few days, but checking in on day 20!
This one’s going to be short but I wanted to stop in. Things are going well, enjoying the holidays cannabis free 
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Day 23 AF
Day 1 Nicotine
Moving along good. Ready for bed. Seriously considering letting nicotine go now. Not sure how I’ll handle both this early.
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Merry Christmas to all!!! I hope everyone made it through Christmas without drinking. I thought about drinking for a quick minute but did not dwell on it. I’m home in bed sober.
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