You mean everything to us. Turn that frown upside down 
youāre not alone. And remember feelings are just feelings youāre actions are everything. The fact you have not self harmed is amazing congratulations 
Iām sure there are lurkers here that see you not giving in and that gives them hope you make a difference I hope you know that.
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Hey Karen, you can absolutely do this and that youāve not drunk so far even tho you feel shitty is proof of that. Iām proud of you. Even if it feels as it does now, youāre doing it sober.
You donāt need it. It doesnāt help and you need to stop making yourself believe it does. You know itās lies. Donāt go back home with the mindset that youāll go back to the bottle. You can fight this out. Itās up to you and you alone. You have that choice.
It would be good to de-tangle the current mass of anxiety inducing unpleasantness ahead of you. I think I read of a non-judgemental sister somewhere. Can you grab that sister and tell her to just shut up and listen to you and be there for you for 30min while you tell her how hard it is and cry it out? Get a few hugs? Get some human connection? That is THE antidote to depression and that feeling that youāre all alone forever with your shit and nothing will ever change.
You are with family and they care or they would not have intived you up. I know family can be horribly difficult, Iāve posted about my own often enough, but it seems they as least want you there and care. So you can engineer a situation where you actually get to feel some of their love for you. I think that would be good. You seem incredibly lonely to me. But loneliness is never a one sided thing. Is has the aspects of something being given and also of something being received and being able to fall into soft soil so it can leave a mark. So to speak.
Next step. You are on a sobriety forum. Have you looked around at the myriads of other threads and what ppl do on here to get and stay sober? Which of these things are you doing? Cos just not drinking does not work, especially not if you got mental health issues. Iām one of the lucky ones with a very demanding and kamikazi brain aswell so you can take my word for it. I donāt know if you seen this: Resources for our recovery
Look through, pick three things, make one of them AA zoom meetings and start today.
I also advise for one to be some form of exercise, can be any thing you want/donāt hate, because being in your body creates mindfulness and relaxation that helps with depression too. Thatās why a lot of ppl exercise in in the first place. Me too.
Stick with your things. If you hate them, mix and match. But give the meetings a fair chance. Couple of months. Transfer to f2f at some point since you are so alone. Itāll help. Keep us updated on your progress. Thats one thing you already are doing that is very beneficial, staying connected here, so thatās plus.
You can do this Karen, there is no reason you cannot if I could and I was just as miserable as you, and so many others could say the same. but you gotta kick into gear and find the things that you need to do to get and stay sober. We all have to do that. It does not just happen. For anyone. You can. You can. You can.
Weāre here for you supporting you. Especially us other folks with miserable hurting brains. 
Edit I hear thereāll be a TS zoom today so imma put that link to the relevant thread here TS zooms! Welcome! - #187 by Mephistopheles.
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Have as good a day as you can all friends. Sober and clean. Love from my place.
@Juli1 Glad youāre back friend. Weāre in this together. One day at a time.
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271 days
Hey guys. Iām struggling a bit at the moment. Iām still sober, Iāve made it through Christmas. It just sucks. My routine is all out of whack since the new job, Iāve been eating poorly, my brain wonāt quit freaking out about it. Everyone is bloody drinking, everywhere. All over socials is just booze and parties and I just feel so crappy and left out and sorry for myself.
I had a nice Christmas, but this silly season has been tough and Iām just feeling really down atm.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Hopefully I can get my self care and routine back, and I feel better soon. Just gotta stay sober. Drinking isnāt gonna fix anything.
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Keep moving on!! All those that push downing poison as a society normal are a little lost imo. I just think about all the damage and how short outside of the hour of being numb. Fill what they donāt show about the complete mind fuck, shitty sleep, hangovers, dehydrationā¦ itās a long list of hellš Iām fresh into this so all the bad is still very fresh for me.
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My new job is actually benefiting my self care routines and healing modalities but being on the wrong side of that is tough and this is a first for me. Hope you can regain yourself that way soon 
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I miss routines too. Holidays Jack those all up. I honestly donāt know what day it is. It will pass, though. Glad you checked in.
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Best pep talk ever. Well done. Grateful for you.
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I am so sorry that you are in the hospital with your son. Your gratitude for the care you are receiving is right on. I admire your attitude of gratitude. Hope you can get home soon and get that shower!
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Day 927 clean and sober. What a shit show of a holiday in my head this weekendā¦ fuck it was crazy in there. Glad I was working even though I really just wanted to sleep through it all. Iām off on holiday paying and taking my single, depressed and lonely self to the mountains and heal. Have an amazing day everyone, love you guys 
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I totally get what ur saying. I love routine and when it gets sidetracked, i feel it. Im really proud of u tho for getting thru the holidays sober.
I actually have 3 routines for different situations. Do you think have a couple plans (routines) would help? I guess it sounds extreme but when i dont have a routine or some direction for my day, it effects my mental health. So For example i have an eating, exercise, recovery routine for when my sons in school, and one for when he isnt, and then one routine for when i work on weekends. I make sure to incorporate the things that matter into each routine. The only thing that changes is basically the time i do my activites. Bcuz all 3 scenerios change my day very drastically. Maybe there can be one routine for you on the days u work ur job, and one routine for when u have days off? Or whatever u like just a thought. I am proud of you tho for staying sober. Hope ur day improves now that the holidays are over
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I really hope u find some peace and serenity in the mountains my friend. Im sorry to hear that the holidays were hard. Im glad they are over for you and that you can do ur usual things like hiking in nature to cheer u up. Hugs Rob!
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Awe thank you! I really have to try hard on challenging my thoughts when it comes certain events that are just plain hard. I need to find the gratitude bcuz even in the worst situations, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for
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Hey hereās a hug.
Iāll tell you what I did yesterday and the day before ā¦ I called my mum in tears, she panicked and asked why whats wrong and I cried even more and like a baby and told her
"donāt panick mum, everything is okay Iām just crying because I canāt drink anymore, Iām crying because I want to so much "
I sounded silly but it wasnāt silly itās how i really deeply felt deep in my bones.
It isnāt silly how your feeling for me it hurt I was really hurting that I wanted a drink so bad and i couldnātā¦ or that I could of but I didnāt want to lose everything Iv become and knowing Iām still not totally there with making all the changes I need but I was very close to doing it. I told everyone i was going to do it in my family I really wanted to I cried like a spoilt baby.
Your feelings are not silly they are valid and itās really difficult I understand.
Your doing so well, were all in this together, today when I get there urges I will think off you and everyone here and reminds me self we are like a family, a family of soldiers fighting for eachother lifeās and or own but we are together and we are not alone.
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Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply. It helps so much to have the support of people here. While I do have one sister Iām closer to, I canāt even imagine crying in front of her. That sounds horribly awkward to me. As a family we donāt talk about emotions and rarely even hug. It is incredibly lonely. Iāve never felt able to cry in front of others for a mess of reasons.
I know I should check out a meeting. And exercise. I do struggle to take care of myself when the depression gets bad. I donāt usually comment, but I do spend a lot of time reading various threads here. Itās about the only place I can go for support other than therapy. Iām glad I have therapy when I get back home.
Thanks again for the response and support.
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Thank you so much. The holidays are definitely a rough one for me but I have managed to stay sober!!! Today is my 19th day. I hope you doing well!!
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Checking in day 10. Hope yous all had a nice holiday. Ours was good. Spent a little time with family, and drove home late last night. Got a longer shift today but itās going up to about 30 degrees, so not as cold as it has been. 
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452 Days
I need to just get this out there.
Everyday this past week maybe more I feel like everyday I am just constantly talking myself out of relapsing.
I feel at this moment in time the only thing keeping me sober is to not disappoint those around me - IV shut down all other reasons I got sober and why I want to stay sober and this is all thats left. Thatās alot of shutting down or talking myself out of.
Will this be enough to get me through this stage, how long until I shut down this idea too and then there is nothing left to stop me.
Clearly Iām trying to decieve myself.
But I know itās working. I really am taking it an hour at a time here.
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Day 5 morning. So far Iām the only one awake so itās nice and quiet. Enjoying my coffee by myself. I usually function better in the mornings. By evening Iām mentally and emotionally exhausted. I think Iāll try to spend as much time by myself as I can today. I fly home tomorrow. Iāll be glad to get back there. It feels extra lonely being around family and not feeling like I can open up to them. Family is complicated.
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@Twizzlers Hate seeing you struggling like this. I know youāre probably trying everything, do you have any pictures, scars, real bad memories, anything that can kinda put you in a place to really remember why it was that you had the motivation to quit in the first place? You know everybodyās here for you, and this is a rough time of year for most but just try and push through it. You already know whatās waiting for you on the other side. Sending some strength. 
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