I think a simple and acceptable answer might be: you have a strong compulsion. A strong compulsion is when strong forces inside you or rather the forces of yourself, that are very much part of you but are not easily known to you, make the decision rather than your conscious self.
That is why you were on track for relapse from the time you considered going to that yoga class.
You might say that there are reasons for these forces. The reasons lie in your personal history and your personality. They are likewise not easily known to you or each of us for ourselves.
These reasons and the forces of Julia that they drive win over your consciousness every single time → you relapse. Your conscous mind says: Imma break this habitual association. Your unconscious motivations decide that it’s going to go down just like every other time.
You are not going to suddenly come to know your reasons. They are deeply hidden and highly guarded against self-knowledge. They are repressed, because they are linked to a lot of pain. That is universal, that is true for all of us here.
Because you will not suddenly know your reasons, it is unreasonable to expect that your conscious self (willpower) is going to triumph over the power of compulsion all of a sudden. That’s why you keep relapsing.
But there are things you can do to tip the scales in your favour. That is called going out of your comfort zone.
Firstly, you can do things that will make it possible, in the long term, for your reasons, i.e. the motivations of your drinking, to come from unconscious and deciding for you (=relapse) to conscious and manageable (= living life on life’s terms in recovery).
That thing is called therapy. It comes in a couple of different forms. The ones that make a big difference are unpleasant to do.
Also, there is such a thing as momentum. It is not necessary to know your unknowable reasons in order to make the decision, while you are sober, to do things that support your sobriety. Such things are: reading quit lit. Going to AA. Going to dharma or whatever. Journalling, seriously. Doing things that have worked for others, even if they are new and uncomfortable for yourself. In such actions the actual desire for sobriety manifests itself. This is what I see you very rarely do. You don’t do things you don’t wanna do, but you’re hoping the things you do enjoy will in the end be enough to carry your sobriety. (That’s really not the order in which it worked for me, it was the other way around in that the things I love like reading, dogs, lifting I can now truly love with all my life force, but they did not get my drunk ass sober.)
I see you wanna be sober and benefit from a sober life - but I don’t see you actually want to do the things that are necessary to become sober (these things aren’t a specific selection of top ten items chosen by me, but they have the general characteristics outlined above: they give you relevant input, they build habits and networks, they are tried and trusted by others, they benefit your sobriety first, your personal taste second). If that makes sense. Maybe try this thought: sobriety will work out for you, but you gotta work for it first.
I’ve replied before and it wasn’t too well received and I don’t mind that. You are free to take and leave advice and input as you see fit. I’ve partly written this out thinking also of others whom it might also, idk, help to read or whatever.
When I read your question above, it really struck a chord in me. I think it comes up a lot.
Wish you the best. It can be done, but you gotta do it. 
You got this! 
just learned tgat i could bookmark posts…my life just became so much richer 
83 AF
