CONGRATULATIONS 
Youve been thru alot in those 90 days and uv come thru everything sober! Proud of u!
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Good morning, time to get a third weekend under my AF belt! Itās Saturday my body says be lazy but the brain keeps saying donāt be idleā¦ letās see which wins.
Yesterday went downhill fast.,.I was excited my son my son had his first school dance(8th grade and a āfriendā was going with him) he also had a soccer game before the dance. I felt relieved/happy because my worst drinking years have been his 14 years of life and yet surprisingly by his own doing heās turned out to be a good kid. My wife got home before the game and said her cousins going to the game and invited us to a bar afterwards but she politely turned her down bc I was doing well in recovery. Everybody in our family knows of my alcoholism, itās hard to hide after 20 years of stupidness. I donāt know if it rubbed me that she had to say no heās sober or I was just being in my feelings but regardless the idea of going out was now in my brainā¦it ruined about half my sonās game but I was able to fight itā¦at least I thought I did. Last night I had the most vivid dream that we did go drink and I did relapse and the guilt while in the dream was killing meā¦and I started trying to figure out how to drive safe or get away with it and pretend I didnāt drinkā¦but I couldnāt. When I woke it took me a min to realize I was dreaming. Itās been an hour now and I still feel guilty as if I had drank. This sickness is evil. But I am sober! Enjoy your weekend fam, stay positive and smiling!
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Woot Woot!!! Congratulations!!! 
You got this! 
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Congratulations Mike! This is soo exciting! Im really happy for u
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I think a simple and acceptable answer might be: you have a strong compulsion. A strong compulsion is when strong forces inside you or rather the forces of yourself, that are very much part of you but are not easily known to you, make the decision rather than your conscious self.
That is why you were on track for relapse from the time you considered going to that yoga class.
You might say that there are reasons for these forces. The reasons lie in your personal history and your personality. They are likewise not easily known to you or each of us for ourselves.
These reasons and the forces of Julia that they drive win over your consciousness every single time ā you relapse. Your conscous mind says: Imma break this habitual association. Your unconscious motivations decide that itās going to go down just like every other time.
You are not going to suddenly come to know your reasons. They are deeply hidden and highly guarded against self-knowledge. They are repressed, because they are linked to a lot of pain. That is universal, that is true for all of us here.
Because you will not suddenly know your reasons, it is unreasonable to expect that your conscious self (willpower) is going to triumph over the power of compulsion all of a sudden. Thatās why you keep relapsing.
But there are things you can do to tip the scales in your favour. That is called going out of your comfort zone.
Firstly, you can do things that will make it possible, in the long term, for your reasons, i.e. the motivations of your drinking, to come from unconscious and deciding for you (=relapse) to conscious and manageable (= living life on lifeās terms in recovery).
That thing is called therapy. It comes in a couple of different forms. The ones that make a big difference are unpleasant to do.
Also, there is such a thing as momentum. It is not necessary to know your unknowable reasons in order to make the decision, while you are sober, to do things that support your sobriety. Such things are: reading quit lit. Going to AA. Going to dharma or whatever. Journalling, seriously. Doing things that have worked for others, even if they are new and uncomfortable for yourself. In such actions the actual desire for sobriety manifests itself. This is what I see you very rarely do. You donāt do things you donāt wanna do, but youāre hoping the things you do enjoy will in the end be enough to carry your sobriety. (Thatās really not the order in which it worked for me, it was the other way around in that the things I love like reading, dogs, lifting I can now truly love with all my life force, but they did not get my drunk ass sober.)
I see you wanna be sober and benefit from a sober life - but I donāt see you actually want to do the things that are necessary to become sober (these things arenāt a specific selection of top ten items chosen by me, but they have the general characteristics outlined above: they give you relevant input, they build habits and networks, they are tried and trusted by others, they benefit your sobriety first, your personal taste second). If that makes sense. Maybe try this thought: sobriety will work out for you, but you gotta work for it first.
Iāve replied before and it wasnāt too well received and I donāt mind that. You are free to take and leave advice and input as you see fit. Iāve partly written this out thinking also of others whom it might also, idk, help to read or whatever.
When I read your question above, it really struck a chord in me. I think it comes up a lot.
Wish you the best. It can be done, but you gotta do it. 
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Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtout response. I was about to quote my favorite part but its all exactly what i needed to hear. All of it is my āfavoriteā part 
Hace a wonderful sober day
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Congratulations on your 90 days of freedom Billy.
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Totally agree! I love all the wisdom im learning from you all. I am āaddictedā to this site 
just learned tgat i could bookmark postsā¦my life just became so much richer 
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Checking 
83 AF
Forgiving fear of my past, Ty HP for giving me the courage to learn from it . Ty HP for fellowship and people helping people.
Time to get cracking on the lawn, first time this year
Love Absolute will see us through 
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Day 567 AF
Whatās good, gang.
Been dealing with heartburn all week. Canāt shake it off. Iāve been waking up at 2-3am with a nasty heartburn from hell. I went to see a doc and they told me to try prilosec for 8 weeks. I already stopped eating junk food, soda, spicy foods, and caffeine. FML. Nothing but fruits and veges. Not sure what else to eat.
Anyways, besides that, everything else is good. The fam and the kids are healthy. No thoughts about drinking. Those days are behind me. Canāt believe Iām about to hit a 1 yr and 7 months. This year is flyin! Crazy.
I hope everyoneās doing well. Take care.
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Congrats on your sober days! Sorry to hear about your heart burn. I have found āKhakshir or also know ar earths milk or teffā to be helpful. You can purchase at indian or Arabic stores if you have around you. A spoonful in glass of water - let soak for at least 10 min before drinking. Avoid acidic fruits. After years of drinking, we have damaged our gut and need to work to repair the gut lining. I do hope you feel relief soon. I know im not in the clear from this but it is better than before.
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I think your wife was just looking out for you. But I get hiw youāre feeling. Thereās gonna be a time where you can be around booze. Itās hard early in recovery. I wasnāt comfortable going out at the beginning. It took me a minute. Iāve been to restuarant/bars, family parties, etc. Doesnāt bother me anymore. My cousins used to give me a lot shit for not drinking with them, but theyāve stopped now.
Wish you the best.
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They didnāt came easy and I still have my struggles.
I have no words to describe how I feel about this achievement. One think I do know and thatās how true freedom feels like.
Thanks for all the support TS
Have a great Sober day my friends 
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Youāre doing awesome!
I agree with @GOKU2019 that your wife was being supportive and not undermining anything. Itās still early so youāre both navigating this sober journey.
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Congratulations on your 300 ODAATs Roland.
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Iāll check it out. Thank you!
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Congrats on your 300 sober days!!!
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