1540
Friday was good even as I got an unexpected hour of rain biking to group therapy. And got there rather wet. The session was still good, I got to share, got to experience the power of the group, got to explore feelings and emotions and sensations in my body as well as in my mind.
On my way home I had some excellent Turkish fast food in the ugliest little fast food restaurant on maybe the ugliest square in Utrecht. Reminiscencant of Eastern Europe in the eighties. Back in my home town I had this beautiful view of the river with the studentās rowing club having a bbq on the other side. Both Utrecht and Amsterdam are overflowing with new students as the academic year is beginning. Hoping against hope for less incidents with students who drink and drug too much, often as a result of social pressure.
Luna is eating so thatās great news. Changed her chow and exchanged the steel bowl sheās been eating from for 18 years for a plate. Not sure what worked but it did. Very happy for that.
Today I have one late shift to work, followed by three days off. Thatās the kind of schedule I like. Have as good a days as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Iām here Iām alive and Iām sober.
Day 13
My Mother called yesterday evening again, and talked for her usually 2 hours. Constantly drinking, she spilled wine twice when we where talking, and eventually stumbled over the cat.
She doesnāt even have today off, but working the evening shift and starts at 14.00.
Usually she only drinks on days off. But not this time.
Iām not really worried, sheās always been a heavy drinker. And as Iāve said before I donāt have the heart to hang up on her, or to tell her not to call. Sheās toxic, but I also know that sheās alone. So Iāll let it be, at least for now.
I also realized something yesterday, I donāt really want to to this at the moment. I know I have to, and Iām going to do it. But I miss my Friday Champagne. I miss it a lot. Donāt miss loosing control, or being hungover the next day. But I do miss the feeling of not having a care in the world, responsibility or thoughts.
Same feeling Iāve been chasing almost my entire life, with drugs and alcohol.
Besides that my husband is getting better day by day. Yesterday he was up from his bed for a while,and had some food that wasnāt a liquid.
Today he is half sitting in the sofa.
Wishing you a Great weekend.
I get that, especially with the life youāre living. I am sure there are other ways for you to experience that instead of drinking or drugging. For me being immersed in nature is one way. I feel you should look for yours. As well as, maybe, possibly, learning to feel just a tiny little bit less responsible for all the folks and all thatās happening around you.
Champagne was your way to have some you time. Without alcohol or drugs you still need that time for yourself. Like we all do. It is doable. You made the time to drink. Now make time for yourself sober. x
I feel like you could achieve this with walking, running or some other type of sustained exercise. Meditation. A 20 minute walk can get you to a space in your head where you just have everything flowing, good stuff, the bad stuff replaced by a good feeling for you.
I know your schedule is full but you do need some time for you. And in that time have a time where you are able to escape in a healthy way. Walking should accomplish it. Running. Meditation.
Big hugs. And big congrats on your sobriety and talking about what you miss.
Or even swimming 
@MrsOdh
I know the feeling of wanting to step out of the world. Change. Flow. Beside of swimming and working out, walking, I figured out that different (extrem) temperatures are helping me. Like Sauna, Hammam, steam bath or cold showers and ice bathing (I am only at the beginners but itās a challenge to go on this autumn/winter).
Big hug and have fun trying something out 
Hey all, checking in on day 1168. I hope everybody has a good one!
Day 84 and my daughter wants to go shopping with me to buy a birthday gift for a friend. Then itās pizza night which has become a tradition for us. As I make the pizzas I always have the radio on with the funk and soul show in the background.
@MrsOdh I would really struggle with being on the phone for two hours with my drunk mum. In fact, if she calls after 7pm I donāt answer because I know she wonāt even remember calling anyway. I have a pre arrangement to speak to both my parents twice a week at 4pm, before they start drinking. I donāt have any advice for you but I do know that itās an awkward situation you are in.
Dancing to your favorite music. I donāt know if the boogeyman is down in the basement or what but if you can safely get down there Without getting hurt, Or being too scared you could have āSophieās Dance Studioā down there! Plug-in and chill out! Big hugs and lots of love. Youāre doing great.
This was an idea because I know youāre getting ready to have your short time of light outside.
I believe @Dazercat used cold showers a lot. Possibly more to keep himself from caving when he had craves than to have meaningful alone time. ( not sure )
Checking in on day 806 for alcohol, and yesterday I clicked over to 21 years with cigarettes. I quit smoking a long time ago, but I still keep the date in sober time as a reminder. It was a really hard addiction to kick, as many of you know.
Back home from vacation finally after missing a connection at OāHare yesterday and having to spend the night in a very hot Chicago. I have a couple days off before having to leave again for a work trip. Probably going to lean hard on this community as such trips can be difficult to navigate as a person in somewhat early sobriety.
Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend and much love.
Day 224.
Todayās word is useless. Thatās how I feel about myself. The more I do and the more I try to achieve, the less I feel like Iām doing.
What exactly are you trying to achieve my friend? Personally, the more I let go of trying to achieve stuff, the more achieved Iām feeling. I feel itās part of learning to let go of control. To learn to be. To exist. Achievement will follow from that. In my experience and opinion. I still have a long way to go too. You are definitely NOT useless. Hugs.
Youāre killin it! Great work!
@Alisa @Juli1
I walk a lot. I have a special trail I walk everyday, almost no matter the weather. I think Iāve shared it in some pictures here before. It amazingly beautiful no matter the season, and I never get tired of it.
Itās not so much that I do it to unwind or relax, I do my best thinking walking there. And I take my time, love to watch the nature, the animals, talk to the trees (They like it, weāre friends) and just watch everything along the way.
I just have to walk there. I miss it if I donāt do it.
Swimming would be harder, I love water, Iām a good swimmer but my village doesnāt have anywhere to swim.
But I guess Iāll figure something out. Currently Iām playing Stardew valley. Iāve been playing for years but not that much.
Iām sure Iāll find something out eventually, or maybe Iāll make it anyway. At least I know that I wonāt be drinking even if I do want to from time to time.
Thank you for your support and ideas.
That wouldāve worked,but she works different times (Sheās a nurse on an elderly home)
And I know she calls when sheās alone.
That in itself doesnāt really make me want to drink. Itās more the feeling that If I donāt talk to her when she does call, Iām responsible for her sitting all alone and miserable. I donāt want that.
But Itās a good advice otherwise.
I have always been a walker as I love it! I feel so good afterwards and it is great for your body. I too look around and appreciate nature and my surroundings. 
I dance in the kitchen every time Iām cooking. Thereās no other way. And yes I use the utensils as a microphone too.
My kids says that I Dance like a crazy pelican 
And itās most definitely the boogyman in the basement. Well maybe not. The potential ghosts or monsters doesnāt scare me. The living real people do. But I donāt go there after dark anyway, just because itās dark. Iāve always been afraid of the dark. And itās nothing Iām going to challenge. The ideas in itself is great, the real plans for the basement is a gaming room. Preferably for Nintendo.
It does. And it gives you more time to actually do look around,than biking or running. Iām slow, and I like to do things slow and carefully (unless I have to talk, because that usually goes to fast even for me, so I stumble on my own words )
Girl yesss about the basement! I grew up w a basement and was always scared down thereš±