You where brave doing what you did going there.
First day anywhere is always hard to navigate through, and sometimes it’s just to much at once. It’s okey,it happens. As long as you’re willing to go back or try again it’s no big deal.
I’m sure you can do well without all the socializing.
I’ve got two PhD’s and never been good at socializing, but in my experience eventually you find “your people” there’s always other ones in the same class that have a hard time with this, and they usually end up together,in my experience.
I’ve met some of my closest friends at the university. But it took a while before we got there.
You did your best in that situation, and that’s all that counts.
Great words. This phrasing will stick in my mind. A beautiful picture and an essential wisdom.
Really ties into the whole “alcohol numbs your emotions” thing. Being sober means being there to fully experience all of our emotions, with nowhere to hide.
It is scary and overwhelming, especially at the beginning or when we’re really struggling. But that’s okay and good and right.
I’ve come to think that maybe there are like two selves: the one that we are and the one that takes care of us.
When we experience our emotional hardships sober and fully aware, our other self is holding us in a strong hug. (Self-acceptance, self-love). No matter how faint it feels, its there.
But when we numb ourselves to our painful emotions, our other self looks away, as we suffer. We’re in a little less pain, but we’re totally lonely.
The worst person to abandon us is our selves.
So let’s not turn away from ourselves, but hold ourselves instead.
Anyways, god, I always plan to just stay quickly on here to do the daily check in, thankfulness, then close the app. But I always end up being at least an hour or even two on here. I can really feel the strength of the community. Learning lessons left and right since I came here😂 thanks everybody
First off, a HUGE congratulations on 16 months!!! You have also come a long way and have really put in the work to get here! And second of all, thank u for kind words. I needed to hear everything u said it really made me feel comforted. Thank you my friend
Slept a bit better last night so that helped. Still adjusting to new medication.
Decided to look for a new therapist and did find someone in network with my insurance. I have an initial consultation in a couple weeks. After yesterday, my current therapist doesn’t feel like a safe space anymore. So I canceled my upcoming appointment with him.
I think everywhere mental health access is seriously lacking. So frustrating.
One step at a time, Mike. You showed up! And I hate those particular ice breakers, they’re chaotic and awkward. Definitely not a good fit for everyone. I’m proud of you for going, and you will get more experience engaging in groups and speaking up by just going to class and doing your best to participate. Baby steps. Hang in there and don’t be so down on yourself, friend.
@JazzyS the clinic is a no go yes, I’m going to focus on other things in this therapy now, because I only have 3 sessions left. Going to try to be more aware of other issues and make notes to take with me next Weds. @Dustysprungfield congrats on 30 days @Noshame congrats on your week no Marijuana @Soberbilly congrats on 16 months @Mindofsobermike I can really relate, I’d have done exactly the same thing, and that’s how I am too. I can’t help it, I’ve tried putting myself out there loads and the same thing happens each time. I wonder if you could arrange to have a 1:1 tour to find out where your classes will be? Was it a big place? @KarenKW I’m glad you found a new therapist, I hope this one will feel safer congrats on 40 days
1110 days no alcohol.
575 days no cocaine.
90 days no vape.
Well the ED clinic got back to me, and that will be a ‘no’ because I haven’t got £42K. I was feeling hopeful when I reached out to them, and now I’m feeling hopeless again. Tomorrow I will have another look around online to see what else I can find. My current therapist was going to check what resources were available to her that she could make referrals to when we end, so maybe there will be something.
I’ve managed most of my routines and activities today, except my PM walk because my feet weren’t happy today and I don’t want the Plantar Fasciitis to flare back up.
Looking forward to starting a new reading book tomorrow, and there is a big Pokémon event on from 10am-6pm Saturday and Sunday, so I’ll be busy playing that.
Checking in Day 558
Today honestly was verrrrry emotional for me. Lots of anxiety initally. We went to our appt today and met everyone and it was alot. Alot of information, alot of questions. I came home exhausted (and my son did too). I felt soooo heightened anxiety wise that i almost threw up once we got home. I guess bcuz of my nerves being on edge. This was probably some of the worse anxiety i have experienced in a long while. Trusting other people with the care of my son is extremely hard for me to do. But there are alot of positives and i have to remember them and stay focused on that instead. Ive really struggled today to be present. I have done some deep breathing and tried to rest. Its been hard not to engage in my ED bcuz of the amount of emotional distress i was in. I am feeling a bit better now but it took a long while to get to this point. Im proud of myself for not acting out and going on a full on binge bcuz honestly id end up feeling worse. So im going to gather myself up and do the dishes. And smile while im doing them lol Gotta get me some positive energy going. And then ya, take it easy for the rest of the night. Have a good night everyone
Evening 14*
Another work week in the bag. Curry beef and pupu platter coming my way. Getting a great night sleep and then spending this rainy weekend finishing up my house projects. Looking forward to the feeling of accomplishment and peace with a newly organized and clean space.
My aunt got an oui this week. We’ve all been really concerned for her for a long time. She starts a lot of fights when drinking so it’s been hard to keep her close. I miss her and what our relationship used to be. I’m so grateful she’s safe, that others weren’t hurt. It was awful. I’m hoping recovery is going to bring us back. She had a lot of excuses when talking about what happened. That makes me really nervous about whether this will actually be a turning point for her. One day at a time and all that. I told her that I love her and I care about her and I’m so glad her and everyone else on the road are okay. Folks who have gotten duis- any helpful words you received after the fact? Any unhelpful words you received after?
Your aunt may have shame and be defensive. I know when i got my dui my emotions were all over the place. Place blame elsewhere. Shame. Acceptance. Even when i was stuck in jail over the weekend crying and praying to god. I went back to drinking for 15 more years.
Save space for her. Things will only change when she is ready to take action. Sorry.
When I got my dui, I had excuses too. I didn’t see a problem with it. I was thinking it was normal, people get these all the time and they continue drinking, so I had every intention on doing the same. But a few days later I was given an ultimatum, either treatment or I lose my job. I couldn’t afford to be let go, so treatment it was. Thankfully, something clicked in IOP and I chose to continue on with AA even after I fulfilled my work obligation. Now, I’m thankful for how it happened, otherwise I might be dead. For me, losing something substantial is what it took, not just my license. I have no words of wisdom but I hope this oui is enough for your aunt. Keep being an awesome example and be there for her when she’s ready.
Checking in and still going strong! I’ve been having a hard time lately since I broke my leg a couple of weeks ago and there’s not much I can do. I live alone and don’t have many close friends so it’s been very isolating for me I’ve been getting a lot of good sober sleeps though lol! But the boredom is really making me crave wine lately
Hey well done on going to the orientation – I know that alone was causing some anxiety. I’m surprised that they would do such an exercise during orientation – knowing that so many people have anxiety with socializing and interacting with new groups of people. I don’t think you are a failure. Do not let this incident get you down.
I too had a really hard time talking in front of groups. Even when it was something I loved to talk about and had so much knowledge of – once it was more than 2 people I would freeze. For me, I found that the trick was to focus on one person that I liked in class or the teacher if no one else was around and then find some spots on walls / chairs etc so that it looked like I was combing the room but for me no one else was there (don’t know if that makes sense).
Sorry – you were not able to find your classes. Are you able to go to campus and have a look around before your classes start to kinda familiarize yourself with buildings and classes?
OMG Billy - this was so beautiful! Thank you so much and again you are rocking it with 16 months of sobriety!
Thank you for this lovely explanation – I totally feel like it spoke to me and felt it in my core. I too get sucked into the beauty of this community and find myself saying just 1 hour and spending so much more time here – no complaints – love all of you here! @karenkw Oh that is great news Karen – happy you found a new therapist. I am hoping this one will be a better and safer fit. Vacation is getting closer @catmancam sorry the clinic didn’t work out. Smart to be prepared with notes of what you want to focus on. Do not lose hope – I am hoping your therapist is able to get something lined up for you. Have a great time playing Pokemon @butterflymoonwoman Hope you are feeling better and were able to get some rest and get some positive energy flowing. Sorry that the anxiety was so intense – I get where you are coming from and wanting to make sure your son is properly looked after when you are not with him. I am super proud of you for not full on binging. This DBT program is truly helping you my friend. Grateful that you found it and have been working it so diligently. @ceeds I’m grateful that no one was hurt. I have been fortunate enough to not get a DUI or cause any injuries to myself or others. I have wrecked my car (still drivable) and even then made excuses and kept on drinking. I do hope that this is what convinces your aunt that it’s time to give sobriety a try but if not then you just keep showing her all the benefits of being sober and hopefully soon you two will mend your relationship. @try2change I do hope your leg is healing well. Grateful that you are keeping up with your sobriety. Boredom can be a killer. Are you able to play games (on phone / computer – I enjoyed crosswords and sudoku)? Do puzzles, read a book, watch a movie, journal, read through threads on this site, meditate. Try an online meeting? Keep fighting for your sobriety – that wine most definitely is not the answer.
Checking in Friday night (now Saturday morning)…
247 days free of alcohol and weed
662 days free of cigarettes
It has been a day – I did get enough energy that I was able to complete all the spring cleaning (ha – still no passport – I’m throwing in the towel officially). My body can’t do hot or cold (literally will stop breathing if I get an extreme change that I was not expecting)– my parents don’t like using the ac and since it was nice this morning decided to open all the windows instead. It started off 60 degrees and breezy and went to 90 degrees and sticky humid within 2 hours.
On top of my dust allergies (going through all my boxes for spring cleaning) and sweating from doing the work – the dampness and humidity along with the blowing fan put me in a nasty sneezing frenzy. I was sneezing hard for 15 min straight where body was convulsing. I’ve ripped something in my throat (scared me to see blood) and everything is tense and hurts. Luckily I will have a laid back day tomorrow. I’m going to do some night meditations and get some sleep – much love to all you beautiful sober souls!
Hey all! I had my follow-up appointment with my GP today. She’s glad I’m doing better than I was in early July. Since it seems like my new medication at this dose (for two weeks now) seems to be helping, I’m going to stay on it and report back to her at the 6 week mark near the end of September.
I feel like I’m a space case at times. And I swear I’m clumsier now than when I was drinking. I don’t know why, but I keep knocking over glasses of water . Oh well, it’s better than beer, but STILL. Maybe I was always clumsy, I just forgot while drunk haha.
I’ve been eating healthier these last couple days after my two days with BF hanging out and snacking a lot. I definitely FEEL better physically and mentally putting healthy stuff into my body and not just stuffing my face. I’ve always known I was an emotional eater, but I didn’t realize quite how bad it really was until I’ve really tried to stick to a set amount of healthy calories. In drinking times, I just didn’t give a shit what I put in my mouth. I eat out of happiness, boredom, depression, anxiety…everything. And then all those beer calories…jeesh
Since I’ve been feeling a bit better, I’ve put more daily to-dos and such on my plate. I can get down on myself if I don’t get done everything on my list. I’m really trying to check myself when this happens, and instead of beating myself up for what I haven’t accomplished, I’m trying to praise myself for what I have done. Even right now, if the only thing I’ve accomplished today is staying sober, I really am winning. And tomorrow is a fresh start.
Proud of myself and all you sober baddies out there! Stay Strong!
Ugh, today was rough. This whole week in fact. I’ve just felt more anxiety than usual, and feeling very tense physically, so tonight I did some light stretching after work. It helped more than I expected.
I realized I’ve been forgetting to breathe lately. To really just take a moment for that. I know shallow or erratic breathing causes anxiety to build up. I learned that a long time ago. I really need to get serious about exercising every day again.
I’ve been using the excuse of working a lot, which I am. Yes my job is extremely physical. I never sit down the entire shift. Constant brisk walking, stairs, heavy lifting. But it’s not a focused workout. Plus I wear a button down and tie. There aren’t a lot of truly deep breaths taken in that.
Tomorrow I’m going to get moving when I wake up. I have things that should be done before I go to work. @GenG - I get down on myself too when I fail to accomplish my to do lists, and as of late, it’s been often. I wanted to thank you for the rest of that paragraph you wrote there. I really needed to read that tonight
it really made me feel comforted. Thank you my friend 
yes, I’m going to focus on other things in this therapy now, because I only have 3 sessions left. Going to try to be more aware of other issues and make notes to take with me next Weds.
congrats on 40 days 
lol Gotta get me some positive energy going. And then ya, take it easy for the rest of the night. Have a good night everyone 
and then spending this rainy weekend finishing up my house projects. Looking forward to the feeling of accomplishment and peace with a newly organized and clean space.
I’ve been getting a lot of good sober sleeps though lol! But the boredom is really making me crave wine lately 
. Oh well, it’s better than beer, but STILL. Maybe I was always clumsy, I just forgot while drunk haha.
