Thank you sincerely
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Always good to see you Mykola. Congrats on 1412. 
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6 days AF. This time last week I was drinking my way into a relapse. The past week Iāve upped my AA recovery program and get down on my knees every morning to ask my HP for help staying sober. Iām so grateful to be back in sobriety.
Today I finally gave notice at my toxic job. It was just too much for me and posed a huge threat to me not finding some excuse to drink. My last day is in four weeks though so I have some time to find something else. @LeeHawk special thanks for supporting me through this topic in particular 
Itās scary but I can make these decisions sober and thatās a beautiful thing. Grateful that we are all here and we have the opportunity to recover and be awake in this life 
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Thank you so much! 
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Thank you Jasmine, your words are always so encouraging. Hope you had a nice day with your cousins and that the heat didnāt ruin your time in the great outdoors.
I had a really good talk with my husband about how Iām feeling and he did promise to be more mindful in the future. Thatās all I ask, but it was nice to feel heard.
Iām still not doing too great, staying stuck indoors for the past few days and creating content has probably taken its toll. Iām in an expensive city so thought working from the airbnb would save money on coworking places, but getting out is good for my sanity. Soā¦ yeah. I need to find some sort of balance / rythm. Iāve also neglected my meditation practice these past couple of weeks. It all adds up.
Tomorrow Iām going out to see some nice touristy things and museums. I really need to get out of here and look at some trees, smell some roses, maybe eat some posh cake.
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tonight will be day 531 of no self harm
I finally got to see my doctor and he listened so well to all my concerns. he thinks I have POTS(postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, basically your blood pressure drops and your heart rate spikes when you stand and it has a ton of other symptoms like fatigue , some people faint (i donāt)and just generally feeling unwell) so heās gonna send me somewhere to test but depending on who takes me Iāll have to go 1-3 hours away from home.
heās going to send me to someone to test for autism. i strongly suspect Iām autistic but i wonāt be seeing someone for at least 6-12 months unless thereās cancellations
heās testing for rheumatoid arthritis(we already know I have osteoarthritis) and lots of other things
he thinks I probably have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome, aka cysts on the ovaries) but since thereās not much we can do about it even if I do have it weāll test for it later on .
overall Iām really glad I found this doctor and he didnāt dismiss any of my symptoms at all. he also upped my anxiety medication so Iāll hopefully be doing better mentally. but I already feel a huge weight off my chest knowing that itās out of my hands for now and itās up to the doctors now. I donāt have to continue to beg to be seen. I will still definitely be advocating for myself but now I know what needs to be done is getting done
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Wow im so glad that u were listened to and that something is actually being done about ur concerns. Im happy to hear this. I hope ur increase in meds help too 
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me too i feel so relieved
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How wonderful it is to be heard. Xo
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Evening Check In
Day 547
Fewling pretty good today. I accomplished alot. An early morning workout, cleaning, and working on my DBT book for my ED. It was brutally hot out today and the fans in our home are barely cutting it. Hopefully it cools down a bit overnight so sleep is manageable. Not much else to say I guess. Hope everyone has a good day/evening 
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Day 58
Feeling a bit out of sorts. Cranky AF. I donāt have the desire to drink so Iām grateful for that. Iām feeling self destructive in other ways. I have a toxic narcissistic ex BF. His birthday was Saturday. We havenāt spoken in six months. The longest weāve ever gone.
As an Empath I feel him even after all this time. Normally one of us would have broken down and reached out to one another. Mostly me. He feels sad and more broken then usual. I know if I were to email him heād ignore me, it would trigger me and then the crazy would likely begin again.
He always told me I was weak because I couldnāt get sober. He is sober but never did any work to treat it understand why he drank. He just put the bottle down and closed himself off.
Iāve felt myself rationalizing reach out to him. Apologizing for my part in the craziness we both inflicted and endured.
I did email just before I decided to try sober in one of my last blackout drunken binges and got no response. I did not expect a response from what I read I was quite angry, ugly and brutal.
I think spending the time here writing about this person is keeping me from reaching out. He was not a nice person and with the exception of possibly 6 months of our 7.5 year relationship he was brutally emotionally and spiritually abusive. Never did he ever own his role on how deeply he hurt me or scared me. Iām not a victim I continued to engage.
Thank you for allowing me this forum to keep me safe.
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He does not deserve to still have this type of control over your feelings. He deserves the same fate as alcohol in your life. A one finger salute into the Fuckit Bucketā¦
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Do you know why all the Geese from Canada keep showing up in my neighborhood? Do they like America that much or something? Do a lot live in your neighborhood? 
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Been a long minute since Iāve done this but here is hoping I can keep it going this time. Day 3. Been on a roadtrip with friends which has been useful to say the least, just gotta keep the streak going
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@bomdhil Hey Thomas ā just checking in with you ā hope you are doing well and have enjoyed your pilgrimage.
@timetochange every day is day one ā I like it and I agree that we should treat each day with as much effort and vigilance as the first day. Hope you do enjoy your week off!
@smurph Welcome back to the community and to sobriety! Grateful to see you trying again and I do hope that you are feeling much better now from your hangover. Hopefully you are also doing things differently (finding good support system, changing up your routines and possibly your social circle) ā glad to see you checking in here ā this is a great community for support and guidance. Hope to see you around
@ DryIn785 How are you doing Mark? Have your received your test results back yet?
@mrsodh Glad you had a good 1st day ā man your boss seems a bit offā¦ sorry. I do hope that she softens up as the semester progresses. So awesome that you get along with your colleagues ā makes going into work more enjoyable
@dustysprungfield grateful for your positivity and ability to play the tape forward. You are doing awesome with staying on course! Much strength my friend
@geng You are so sweet love ā appreciate your sweet words. We are all badass humans here! Kicking our addictions is no joke and we are showing up every day doing just that! Hope you do feel better soon and grateful that your med increase is not causing any issues thus far.
@catmancam thank you! Bittersweet indeed ā lol. A whole night of not sleeping ā I am sorry ā hope you were able to sleep after your check in. Very interesting about why you were choosing the sharpies. I do like your therapist and hopefully you feel like you are making progress too. Yeah to getting the grips ordered ā I do hope they help you when coloring
@katiee Well done on 50 days my friend. Get well soon ā hopefully you are resting well and staying hydrated.
This made me laugh ā thanks love. Hope you had a wonderful day / evening!
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Haha Oh those cobra chickens can fly a long way. Why they are in ur area?.. idk. We do have quite a few in my neighborhood. Especially in the big park behind my building. Do you usually get geese in ur area? Or is this a new thing?
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@hopeful2 Great job with 2 days of sobriety. Keep up the amazing work!
@catmama23 WOW ā so happy to read that you gave notice today. Iām sure you are feeling a bit relieved! Wishihg you luck with finding something else but Iām sure it will be better than the toxicity that you have been dealing with. Great job on 6 days and utilizing your tools!
Yes this is so important and I do hope you have a wonderful time exploring the town tomorrow. I can understand feeling stuck indoors all the time trying to work in the same space that you are in all day. I wish you luck in figuring out the balance / rhythm. You are too sweet ā thank you! I did enjoy my day and pushed through but am paying heavily for it now. Itās still worth it as who knows when Iāll see them again. Luckily the day did turn cloudy and cooler near the late afternoon so that did help. Got to see how rolled ice cream was made ā very interesting
WOW this really made me so happy to read and I am thrilled that you have found someone that is able to treat you properly and taking the time to listen to your concerns.
@danam56 grateful that you are not needing to turn to the poison for comfort. I feel like you already know that you shouldnāt reach out or make any contact ā just need some reassurance. Its hard to walk away from a long term relationship but it seems like it was a really good decision. Even if you engaged, doesnāt mean you were not victimized by the abuse. Grateful that you are on a sober path not only shedding your addiction but learning about yourself and working on self betterment. It takes time to move on (not think about your ex on a regular) but it can be done. He does not deserve a second more of your time or energy
@bear21 Welcome back! Great job on day 3 ā keep strong!
Checking in on Monday evening
236 days free of alcohol and weed
651 days free of cigarettes
It was a good day to spend with my cousins. I am not doing so hot now and its super frustrating cause i really did not exert myself - even let myself look foolish and scratch away all the itchiness (when i try to hold it back and tense up then i wear myself out quickly) - yet iām back to shit symptoms. ive cried enough so feel lighter and relieved. Iam trying to sleep bu t am in a lot of pain so cant drift off. Grateful for some stand up comedy that iām going to watch and hopefully laugh myself to sleep. Tomorrow will be a brighter day! Hoping everyone had a fantastic addiction free day - sending much love 
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Cobra Chickensā¦Haha that is a good one. They have always been around here. They shit everywhere and its annoying.
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Day 330 AF
Still here, still AF.
35 more days and itll be a year, I still work at it day today, sometimes get the odd craving and just wait myself out another 24hrs. Using the old maybe ill pick up tomorrowā¦tomorrow never comes.
On the 10th of september Im supposed to be up north again it will be a year since my uncle passed so we can celebrate his life and unvail his head stone. Im not going to make just due to cost and life.
Thats ok though heād understand my situation and motivation to see my father in Australia. Will be the first time ive seen him in person in 23 years, uncle would appreciate that.
Much love team hope everyone is well
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You are absolutely correct.
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