Wow, just read your posts about your husband, I will keep him in my prayers. 
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Yes love this.
Part of my sobriety journey this time around (and I only share bc its been pretty amazing for me to think of my addiction this way, but of course take and leave whatever works) is getting to know the part of me that leans to substance use when I am struggling/overwhelmed. I had never thought of this part of me in a “good” way, or as part of me to get to know beyond anything but a disease and monster in the back doing push ups. But oh my goodness, she is part of me…a young part of me who got overwhelmed once long ago and leafned that this was a solution to the problem of life. Its not just been givinf it up for me or putting it down, but getting to know why “she/me” thinks it would help; how to help her/me and also how to get her/me to trust the central part of myself that truly wants to live alcohol free and knows it doesnt help. Her intention is good, in that shes trying to help deal with pain/life the best way she knew how, but the behaviour is hurtful or wrong. Anyway, just an interesting viewpoint Ive been working through here…
Wishing you strength on your journey Cloudy! I appreciate your shares & feedback. Xo.
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Well none of us are perfect and you clearly care. That’s so important and I’m sure hubby is grateful and happy for that. 
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@geng How are you doing Genevieve?
@kareness How are you doing Karen? I do hope today is a better day for you. I totally get not having the energy to do simple tasks – I do hope that whatever energy you have you put towards yourself first. Sending you love my friend! Happy Friday
@kat33 Hows it going for you today Katrina (gotta say I love your name – always think Shakespear when I hear that name). I do hope you are having a easier Friday love. Remember you are not alone in this jouney.
Thank you Sabrina for this reminder. You are so right and nothing good can ever come from our DOC. So grateful that you did end up getting some help today. Stay strong and keep living life on life’s terms 
@Dustysprungfield great job on 23 days. Grateful that you are thinking ahead to how you will handle tomorrow’s function. Yes – baby steps will keep us moving forward – You are stronger than this addiction and will be able to overcome any urges! We will be right here if you need any support.
@just_laura Sorry you didn’t get to spend time with your dad on his bday – yeah, I too sign cards in car on way to event – it’s the thought that counts. Yikes – I do hope you are able to get ahead of your mice situation – I am a big baby and would be freaking out.
@mischa84 Love ending a shower with a cold burst. I also do facial ice plunges for 15-20seconds – about 5 rounds. Haven’t done in a few weeks but look forward to when I will be able to do so again – really does start off the day beautifully and so many health benefits. Glad to hear that you are enjoying these again.
@holysquid what a beautiful picture – thank you for sharing
@saturn81 Wishing you strength for this weekend. Best is to find ways to keep yourself busy and change up your routines so that you are not missing your regular weekend rituals. Do practice whatever techniques have helped you during the week – deep breathing, walking /exercise, meditation, …etc,). We are right here 247 so reach out if he urges get strong. Just remember the urges wont last forever so just get through each one with a one minute by minute mentality.
@pagan great numbers my friend! I can totally relate to being short circuited when I first quit weed / cigs – glad that those intense emotions are tapering off. You are strong and will defeat these addictions. We are right here going through the same journey so reach out if you need any support!
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Well its friday the end of the week usually the days i cut lose and have no limit and being im not with my husband and doing mh typical day not sure how tonight is going to go, especially not beingin my own home right now so its gunna be a tuff night. Also trying to find my own place to live until me and my husband get our stuff figured out ugh 
and thanks for checking in with me
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I can imagine that the weekend is hard enough and then with what you have going on it could be difficult. You could see the change in scenery as a blessing maybe - not having this space associated with your drinking rituals 
Hoping that you are able to find ways to change up your nightly / weekend routine.
Are you able to go for a walk or exercise to get your endorphins levels up? Maybe do a puzzle or some kind of crafting to keep your hands busy? I also find cooking / baking to be very soothing and a great way to enjoy a Friday night with a movie afterwards.
I know the beginning is hard. Just know that it does get easier and the benefits of being sober are never ending. Sending you strength my friend.
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@ceeds Well done on your 1 week milestone! WOW – the renovation does sound stressful – glad that you can now see it coming together and see the lovely results of your hard work. Grateful that you were able to find escape in your home from the chaos. Wishing you strength to get through the wedding stress free.
@rob11 so sorry to hear this Rob – I do hope she gets the treatment she needs and is in recovery mode soon. Much love my friend – sending your family healing and comfort vibes!
@flourishing person1 Welcome to the community Anna and a great job on day 1. You picked a wonderful thread to be a part of – I find daily check ins help keep us accountable and just reading about other peoples journey’s helps let us know that we are not alone. Hope to see you around
@noshame You are doing great my friend and keep pushing through. Great job on starting over with your weed counter – know what led you to smoke and try to keep in mind why you don’t want to smoke when the urge come back. For me personally, I was on the Nicorette gum for a very long time before switching to minty gum. I know you can be smoke free – sending you strength
@mindofsobermike Hugs my friend – I’m sorry that you have not had your meds in a few days and are feeling all our feelings right now. Are you able to talk it out with anyone? We are here if you need to just vent and scream into the void. It being Friday – I am imagining you will have to wait till Monday for your meds. Anything else that may help get you feeling better – maybe silly but meditation or cold shower or watching some comedy? Does a good work out session help? Sending you love and strength.
@jonathanmcgrath Happy Birthday! Rock climbing sounds like an awesome way to celebrate. Sorry that your contact today threw you off center – try to find your footing and enjoy your special day! So impressed with your 4+ years of sobriety! Well done
@mrsodh So grateful that you are handling this while maintaining your sobriety. So amazing for you and your family. You are so very welcome love – we are a family and here for each other. Reach out whenever you need 
@clarity What a lovely job Sarah – glad that you are having a great time and doing what you love – I’m sure the children are thrilled to have you there. I am so excited just imagining you singing and dancing and yeah – playing with playdoh!
Checking in on Friday morning – WOW – I did not get a moment to do a proper check in last night as my cousins ended up coming over – my brother had to drive them to Windsor at 6 am to catch train to Toronto. I was a bit shocked to see 100+ check ins this afternoon – that is awesome! I am thrilled to see so many utilizing this thread. I know i get so much support and comfort here!
I did have to do some work today and now will try to rest as I’m exhausted and my pain level is on the higher side. I am impressed that my go to is not my DOC when I feel at my worst. I am loving that my life does not revolve around alcohol. Grateful that I don’t rush to hide evidence and chug / smoke what I can when I hear that company is coming over. It’s gonna be a beautiful day – off to la la land for now – Hope everyone has a wonderful addiction free day. Sending you all much love 
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I’m so sorry @MrsOdh, sending you love and strength and keep you and your family in my thoughts. Stay strong.
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Felt this in my bones
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Keeping your family in my prayers. You are not alone. He has professionals around him 24/7.
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Thanks girl. I meds did get delivered to my place in Plattsburgh on time, but I’m in tupper. I made some home made pudding and just relaxing with the girls. I did just sit and feel everything and get through it. Just notice impulsive behavior is much worse when I’m off the these meds. Im definitely getting through it tho.
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Checking in
Day 551
Today has been okay so far but im feeling a bit restless right now. This morning was great! I exercised, did my morning recovery routine, and ran errands, which all turned out well. But a few things later on in the day have caused me to feel… idk… disturbed or something (i cant think of the word im feeling). A friend of mine who still works in the sex trade has been posting alot on fb about it recently. She glorifies her “career” and honestly its kind of triggering for me. Ive been out of that lifestyle for many years now but i get triggered still when certain words are used or when shes posting pics or describing things in detail etc. She is a friend and a wonderful person but i think im going to have to stop talking to her for awhile and unfollow her on fb so i dont see her posts. Everytime i see her post something i start feeling off and disturbed. Anyway, im not going to let this ruin the rest of my day. Hope everyone is doing well today 
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Check in day 1224.
Long text about diverse struggles.
I have been so extremely mindful / aware that I have weirded myself out of my own existence. (Please, laugh) Which took turns feeling groundbreakingly wonderful and irreversibly dejecting.
Some probably cant relate to this and think its some weird made up crap, I get it, it is weird, but im more rational than anybody.
I’m so aware that this morning I sincerely thought I lost my mind, on my way to work I could barely refrain from tslking to myself out loud. I had to google what insanity means before starting my shift. Fortunately im sane bc sanity is rational thinking. ("Today Im thankful for… "
).
I feel bad bc I was trying to connect more, but now feel more alien than ever. Damn. And yes, I am informing myself about depersonalisation, quite sure thats not it, but I better ask a professional etc etc.
Funny thing:
For the past years I always thought to myself anxiety is such a whimpy condition, like just get over yourself how pathetic to be so scared and nervous all the time.
Only now do I realize that all this time I have had recurring feelings of dread in my stomach, constricted breathing and spiraling worries about how everything could go wrong constantly… dude. Self-aware much?
This is what gives me understanding when other people can’t comprehend mental illness… if I didnt have it, I wouldnt comprehend it either. Same with depression. Didn’t understand it / was silently judgemental until I had it and was made to understand. We’re basically dumb bumblebees (=dumblebees), only learning when we bump into stuff with our cute lil heads.
Anyways yeah feeling insane, im a little scared, my next appointment with the therapist is two weeks away. Im on the fence of whether to even go again bc of reasons. I can’t be sure if they are sound or dumb reasons. Pretty sure they’re dumb but I wont drive myself crazy thinking over the right conclusion. It will come to me. Either way it’ll work out some way and it’ll be that way.
I look back on many days of protecting and caring for myself. And coming around to doing the right thing for me. So I’ll take it easy and trust myself.
Feels a little painful when you notice how your family gets uncomfortable about your addictive past / mental illness. Suddenly theres a tiny silence and I can tell they are uncomfortable even if they dont say it. I always used alone in my room its not like i was terrorizing them or sth. I guess its pain by proxy but still. Makes me feel like some freak patient. As if we all didn’t have our problematic behaviors and phases. I guess I understand that it saddens them /makes them feel bad but still.
My brother, love him very much, infuriates me. Im not alone in that, he is to common knowledge a pretty annoying person, if a genius. Again he said something that made me feel unseen and unaknowledged in my struggle. It hurts, those moments when you feel like your family doesnt understand you after all. But again thats probably just an unfair generalization.
My mom said it was bad luck that I got addicted to weed (thereby drugs in general) bc my friend showed it to me at 15.
But every damn teen smokes weed dude. I was abusing drugs for four years, most heavily in my childhood room next to my parents bedroom every night. The sad truth is that I got addicted bc my parents were miserable in their marriage, failed to deal with that and thus failed to recognize my struggle and reach out to me.
And no, this doesn’t feel good to say out loud. I dont want to throw it in my parents face. Its one of the most painful things to know, bc my parents really love me and my mom is a semi-angel. But they still fucked up quite hard, as humans do, and it is a damage that I’ll probably suffer for the rest of my life.
So just a big painful mess for everybody. Sweet.
Sometimes I cry for the child in me that dreamed of myself in my twenties as this grand, amazing, flourishing person.
Im turning 23. My twenties have so far been filled with quite the pain and… have been dejected and dry. Turns out, for years I have had several mental illnesses torturing me, and no friends, not one. Not even a false one, haha!
No matter how socialable I am, or how much everybody seems to love me, how much i make everybody laugh, how much ive forced myself to go out with kind, nice, sweet peers - I still dont feel any connection to them.
I tried so hard I really did. I surpressed it bc it didnt work.
.
Damn. I feel so othered. Im so good at being a person outside but still inside Im like an alien. And I dont know if that can change, because that feeling is based in how I perceive the world. Which isnt negative (!), its just too much.
I feel a little overwhelmed and scared. Work is hard and I dont have the energy but I still have to go. Worst of all, I dont even have the energy to pursue my passion, to progress with my fiction.
Hmpfh.
Just had to let that out before sleep.
Im proud of every single person here. Love to you, be good, keep rocking! One day at a time.
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I’ve just got to say well done - great job in sitting with your feelings and just working your way through it by feeling the feels and not getting impulsive. So very happy for you - i would call this amazing progress.
Yum to the homemade pudding - i’m sure you all enjoyed that very much 
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i’m glad to read this bit - much love my beautiful friend… hope you are enjoying the rest of your day.
you have worked so hard to build this amazing life and are doing an amazing job at it. IMO its wise to unfollow on FB - you have to protect all that you have built especially if seeing the posts makes you feel disturbed.
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Thank you @JazzyS ! So good of you to check in. I am having a better day and got a fair amount of work done. Hope you are doing well also! I have a friend from out of town visiting for a couple of hours tomorrow and then we are going to brunch. So it’s something to look forward to – and a reason to clean my house.
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Checking in sober day 33.
So glad the weekend has started. I’m really struggling and barely holding on. Burnt out. Not just work but adulting in general. 10 days til vacation. It’s tempting to want to drink to shut my brain up. Want an escape. But I won’t. Every night I just break down crying in frustration. I need to find some peace.
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I wish things were easier for u Karen. I totally get that feeling. Do u have any hobbies? Anything to preoccupy ur mind? In early recovery i used to do those paint by number pics alot that are on those free coloring apps. Or id read. Or play games on my phone. Or do something to be active. I just found, at least for me, that it was important to do things to keep myself busy and to help me relax. The color app was great for that 
wishing u a peaceful night friend
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Thanks Dana. I try to walk when it’s not too hot. I play word games on my phone. I crochet but haven’t in awhile. I have a hard time staying focused on anything. I think adhd and anxiety symptoms are worse now that I’m not numbing with alcohol. I’m trying to address those but have a long road ahead of me. And still fighting with the insurance company to get a new medication approved. I’ll be okay. I’ll just scream and cry a lot first.
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Checking in on day 54. My regret has been gnawing at me, but I’m not letting it win. Hope everyone had a great Friday! 
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