Day 217.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Did I say fuck?
I have a lot on my plate, I feel like I’m not doing enough. I’m worried I’m making a terrible mistake. I feel stuck. So fucking stuck.
Anyway, checking in. Sober. Sorry for being so overdramatic.
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I think you put too much value in what others on an internet forum think of you. Just be you and focus on your sobriety, that’s what truly matters.
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Hello everyone, checking in on Day 46. Ready to get moving and face the day but husband and daughter still asleep (tiring day yesterday).
I managed the gym, swimming and sauna yesterday and it felt like a real treat. It has been hard finding time to enjoy a slower pace over the summer holidays and yesterday felt like a gift. I really missed the family while they were out but finishing work and then having a few hours to myself was wonderful 
My hours increase in September, so full time mostly. A little nervous about how to achieve that but so proud as it would have been unthinkable even a few years ago. I expect a few weekends will be spent in a chronic fatigue crash initially but hopeful I can build up.
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You are lovely:heart: 
Thanks for seeing me. Thanks for almost making me cry first thing in the morning 
I think I hear you.
Thinking of you and genuinely hope you have some ease and some fun (!) today no matter how external things may turn out. Laughing is so important. You’re amazing, friend. Respect👏
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Not overdramatic, being overwhelmed is horrible. Can you build some time in to step back to help you gain perspective? Take care of yourself
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Day 322
I either have a bad cold or I got Covid from my coworker. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.
Although it’s warm here I needed 2 blankets last night.
Cancelled my hairdresser appointment already bc that would be too much.
But I have to get up to buy food that helps with the cold. Meh.
The good thing is I don’t feel worse than I did last evening 
Now coffee.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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I don’t know if it’s allowed or correct to suggest this, but my recommendation would be zinc, Vitamin C, and ginger tea.
Get well soon!
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God, these pics give me a breath of fresh air😂
Thank you for being proud of me. I am massively proud of you just the same 
Yes we cant change the past. Helps me to remember that it doesn’t really exist. Nor does the future. Taking ODAAT so literally XD.
It’s just a yes or no question in the present: have we learned now or not? If we have, it can’t get better than that. You’re golden👌 all of you.
Allow me to stick this one right onto my brain
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Hey all, checking in on day 1161. I hope everybody has a good one!
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 6
A huge thank you to everyone for your kind words, encouragement, positive vibes, thoughs and prayers.
Talked to the hospital this morning, the situation is worse but stabilized in the bad state (Probably not the correct term, but I mean that it doesn’t get worse than this at the moment)
Infection is really High, fever is really High. They still don’t want to do the surgery in this state, but if they don’t he might get sepsis and die, so they asked me if I allow them to try anyway.
At this time he can’t speak for himself. He is barley conscious.
I said I do allowe them to try if they think that’s the best thing to do.
Either way it’s a High risk.
If they do nothing he probably won’t make it out alive, and if they go for surgery he might or might not make it.
To be honest it was probably the toughest decision I ever had to do.
Hopefully it’ll turn out great.
Hopefully I did the right choice.
Still haven’t told the kids, I’m going to wait and see where it turns.
They know that he is really sick, and might not come home for a long time.
That’s all for now.
Wishing y’all a great Saturday.
I’ll be back with updates tonight when I hopefully know more.
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Thank you for the reminder, I forgot to take Zinc.
I took a high dosage of Vit C yesterday and I’ll do the same today. Can’t drink ginger tea 
It’s just ugh!
I got some chicken and will make a soup later.
Now: Covid test.
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A healing candle burning for your husband while he goes through the procedures today. Holding him and all of you in thought and prayer and hoping for the best outcome.
The candle is blend of lemon balm, cedar, heather and ocean.
Big Hugs Sophie. Thinking about all of you. Fingers crossed.
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Thank you
Unfortunately it’s Covid 
I’m positive in the test. I hope it doesn’t get worse, I’m feeling okay-ish still 
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Wishing you a speedy recovery Sabrina. Do you have someone who can bring you medicine, vitamins, soup etc?
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Nope 
But I have everything I need, I somehow knew something’s coming and hit the pharmacy yesterday after work
That’s the negative side of being a single without any family 
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Awhhhh noooo that covid shit!
Sorry Sabrina, take a lot of
good care of yourself
Get well soon…
Sending some positive energy
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Oh god… Covid. Shitty virus, honestly. I heard it’s coming back…
Stay safe please and I hope you will be soon healthy and will not have any issues with this shitty virus! (My mother almost was in hospital because of covid at 2020😕)
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I believe it will be all okay. If something, I’m here for you. 
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Morning guys checking in from work Saturday morning SAF. Have a great day. TTYL. 
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Day 973,
Slept into the day. About to pick up my son in an hour. Having diner with my parents and going to the soccer match of Fortuna Sittard our local team of which we have seasonal tickets. Their dog is coming along as well, since his mother is still in the hospital.
She texted me this morning. That she might die etc. I don’t think it will be that bad, but that’s the way she is. Somewhat understandable in her position. I heard it in the past also and was a dynamic in other relationships as well. They throw everything (things were a relationship is not for) at me (at least that’s how I perceive(d) it), I listen and start worrying as well or something like that, can not find the right words at the moment. She never had another relationship after our separation 13 years ago, so still sometimes in this position were she turns to me. Some therapist in the past already asked who takes care of you as you take care of everybody who comes to you. I had to give a negative answer. Maybe I had this strong and invincible attitude over me, I don’t know. Sure thought my DOC made me invincible. Inside I was fighting my fights already. While nobody really asks how are you doing/holding on. Even last week a friend mentioned if I needed this treatment I’m in and if I couldn’t do it on my own. I was bit flabbergasted and shut down at such moments. I don’t have the energy to explain it all, it also just shows what kind of double life I was living. They just don’t have a clue if the severity of my addiction and that stop drinking is just the easy part as I see it now. My latest ex wanted to care as she was co-dependent, I let this happen, but deep down I don’t want to be taking care of somehow (hope this makes sense).
Things getting more clear now in therapy that these kind of effects have made me emotionally unstable with weak boundaries or no boundaries at all. Still not used of being there and still not a lot of treatment. But somehow I feel some differences, due to their standard program. And yeah the treatment is primarily focussed on diagnoses.
Greetz and have a good 24 hours and thanks for listening
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