Afternoon check in. I have crazy fun plans today and tomorrow and am having a hard time getting started. I need to get to the grocery store and vacuum the house before tonight but my sloth is setting in. Anxiety and a bit of “what’s the point” are hitting me. I have an un-listened to voicemail from my Mom that is stuck in my brain too. I know I should just listen but what if its bad or what if she fell or what if she is taking me up on my offer to drive her to Chicago? I will never know until I listen.
Day 654 no alcohol and my brain has been trying to trick me into a THC soda with dinner tonight. They are delicious, weed isn’t my problem but addiction IS my problem. Today it feels like my brain is my problem.
I’m getting moving. Starting laundry, brush teeth, hit the grocery store. The rest will sort itself? Thanks for letting me smear my anxious brain on this page. Some days my brain is a tricky place to live. Ready, set, gooooooo!
For me quitting booze and drugs basically meant I needed to change my whole life. Not just a few things. The way I had lived until then had brought me to the end of the line and I was running out of options fast. I saw two possibilities left for me: to die, slow or fast, or to totally change the way I did things.
I choose the latter. I call it Recovery and to be in Recovery I needed to change everything. It’s loads of work and it will never stop but it has made my life so incredibly much better and it’s the only way for me to have a life worth living. Wishing you all success in your journey Mossy.
I remember leaving Christmas dinner early for years to go to the bar to be with my “real” family.
I may never get to replace those years but as part of my amends I get to be with my family I’ve created. My sobriety is about so much more than not drinking or achieving material success.
Checking In Day 657
Today is a work day. Been an alright day so far. Finished all my monthly paperwork and am now doing the cleaning while my client is away on a home visit. Im enjoying being productive today.
I have tmrw off work as its my 39th birthday. Not sure what to do for my bday yet. I dont think we are celebrating or anything as money is a bit tight. Im not overly upset about it… juat a little. Im sort of used to having my birthday delayed by a week or so. But i am still going to try and do something nice for myself… a candle lit bath, maybe a workout, a nap during the day, maybe grab a starbucks or something. Idk quite yet. Of course i will relax with my family and of course i will be clean and sober for it
Other than this, the past 2 days i have been fighting the urge to binge eat. I dont even know what causes it as im not stressed or emotionally heightened. But the thought is there. Ive done well so far. Yesterday my calories were a bit high but today should be better. Im trying to put my focus on my recovery and my health right now. Daily focus on improving these areas
Thats about it for me right now. Hope everyone is enjoying their day. Congratulations to anyone celebrating a milestone or to anyone coming back
@Just_Laura feel better soon 🩵 I hope the poor kitten, and your daughter’s stuff is all okay @Mischa Adoreable happy birthday to your twins @JennyH sorry about your CFS crash rest all you need. 🩵 Sending strength and energy @Tomek I can relate to how you feel about relationships with others. Just so you know you’re not alone. 🩵 @Mossy91 welcome back glad you came right back here, keep trying 🩵 @JazzyS thank you good luck with your challenge too, let’s do this! @Englishd I’m out of hearts, beautiful photo, love all your smiles, that’s definitely what it’s about 🩵 @Butterflymoonwoman happy birthday for tomorrow 🩵
1209 days no alcohol.
674 days no cocaine.
189 days no vape.
I have been sleeping a little better, but having such epic vivid dreams, so not deep restorative sleep.
Today I have rested. I’m finding it impossible to get myself out for any walks, this is what I was afraid would happen when I first had to rest after my achilles injury. I know I just need to get myself back out there, and keep doing that until it becomes a habit again. Tomorrow I will try harder.
I hope you’re all having wonderful sober weekends.
Day 427 af
I more and more often experience moments of peace, where everything is good. I’m able now to enjoy that. Not the whole day yet, but it gets better.
I was very active today, felt good
I feel nervousness rising because I have an appointment on Monday for taking blood and a blood pressure monitor. But I feel okay. To be nervous is okay, I only don’t want to feel that extreme fear I use to feel before such an appointment.
I’m enjoying some good movies today, snuggled up on my couch with a hot water bottle and cookies. I’m able to do that again, I can focus on a movie again and don’t need my cellphone in my hands constantly
I’m even tired again, a healthy tiredness. Step by step
Awww @Alisa this Donut cake is wonderful. What a beautiful idea.
Happy birthday to your twins @Mischa84 hope you’re having a good party later on and a lot of fun together. Bet your boys would love this donut cake, wouldn’t they?
The fact you managed 15 days is an achievement. Youre going to feel depressed, you’re going to feel like a failure, but don’t. The fact you made 15 days shows you can quit indefinitely. You have the willpower to do this. Get back on the horse and your chin up, you got this man, you’re stronger than you know.
Awww @Mischa84 what a beautiful birthday party you have created for your babies looks like so much fun!
Almost missed your post but thanks to @Alisa I scrolled back to find it. It really makes my heart jump in happiness seeing your party boys smiling.
You rock it little lady!!! Big hugs
I’m struggling today with depression and loneliness. Even when I’ve been in a relationship I’ve felt lonely. I’ve always made myself small and low maintenance to be loved. I don’t think anyone will ever love me for me. I’m too much. My needs are too much. Why can’t I find someone who makes the same effort I do? I feel like I’ll always be alone.
Awwww I’m sorry you’re feeling like that Karen!!! I must admit that I feel the same way a lot too. It’s tough I know. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and to say I get it. Proud of you for staying sober through tough times like these, awesome job
Checking In Day 657
Feeling pretty bummed out right now. Doing my best tho to pull out of it. It has everything to do with expectations. And of course, bcuz my expectations wont be met, i am now disappointed. I am going to focus on the moment and try to enjoy the evening and my birthday tmrw. Focusing on gratitude will be the key Have a great evening everyone!
Just in bed and sleepy Bit of a down day today, which is a bit sad because it was hubbys birthday. It started off rocky with kids just at each othrr, and thrn he just wasnt in the mood to celebrate so we will tomorrow. Not sure where his mood came from or why it went so low, but it happens. I notice that my air of lightness I try to carry through these up and down daily emotjons (k not lightness but like acceptance?) is off kilter this week and Im feeling more sensitive. Felt like it was my fault today didnt go well, but I am just trying to step back and know that no Missy not everything is about you, and its okay…just a day, and tomorrow can be better & something that I love & live by ( though its not always easy) is that there are NO RULES. So much of what we do in life is dictated by these imaginary rules, and its kind of in me and I try to remember when I feel pressure…there are NO RULES. Make your rules, celebrate your birthday on a day where you feel right.
My daughter was SUPER emotional today, likely because we were off and she has been asking lately if we even like her and such and oh my goodness that kills me. Its always when she gets in trouble, so its her reaction to that and I just try to talk to her about the difference there. But oh my Gosh it still hurts me to think she thinks that…i am feeling so many feels since all this stuff with my family.
Did have a very long and emotional talk with my dad about everything, and I dontbhave words to describe it. He told me doesnt deny any of it, and was just so firm and emotional about how much he loves me and would never ever let me out of his life. I wont say more on it, but I feel like all of this came our for a reason and I just am so happy he loves me and feel so much relief.
Anyway, off to bed. So happy to be sober, even on tough days it doesnt occur to me to drink and that makes me so grateful and happy. I am REALLY in my emptions and so sensitive these last few days, trying to remind myself that Im raw right now so these things that touch me that arent so big feel like OW! Riding it out, feeling the feelings & it sucks but I knowbits good, its healthy & if ya’ll can find a clip of Viloa Davis talking about anger go find her XO happy 25th hour xo.
Well said @Mira_D I try and practice this as well. It makes a HUGE difference in the way I talk to myself and I find that it’s been very helpful to my self compassion journey. Well done!
This hit me so hard to read Karen, you absolute beautiful soul.
You are your first love, and when you meet that person who you do notbhave to be small and less around you will not feel lonely. You deserve to be loved by someone who puts that effort & loves you for who you are. Sending all that out to the universe with you in my mind & heart. Xo.
Checking In 
happy birthday to your twins 
rest all you need. 🩵 Sending strength and energy 
this Donut cake is wonderful. What a beautiful idea.
you have created for your babies 
Checking In 
Have a great evening everyone!