Checking in daily to maintain focus #61

103 days and feeling fine.
No snow yet but I’ll walk for a bit in the cold bright sunshine today. :heart:

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102

20231226_192322

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TW big 'ol load of negativity. I’ve gotta vent or I will never get back to sleep.

Since the 23rd our apartment wall near the toilet pipes has been vibrating and moaning intermittently with a slow trickle of water running intermittently as well. (Fill valve says Google.) So we’ve been turning the water off and then back on when we have to use the toilet in our only bathroom, which is often.

I had to nag my husband to put in a maintenance request. I have zero idea why, someone comes to your living space and fixes what is wrong BUT ONLY if you tell them.
There are at least 4 apps with the same name or I would download it myself. Which I will but can’t right now because I am ragey and not thinking rationally.

Maintenance came yesterday. Which was the first day they were back open since the Christmas break. Replaced the flapper and called it good. My husband picked me up after my 12 hour shift and we had one of those “whats wrong” “are you mad” annoying back and forth conversations that can only happen after someone (not me) has been drinking. I am still 600+ days alcohol free. My husband is not, as I’m reminded daily.

I’ve been awake on and off since 6 because well the toilet wall has still been moaning/vibrating intermittently because it is not fixed. I’m gearing up for the second of three 12 hour shifts and so far have 4? hours of sleep.

I very much understand that it could be worse. I couldn’t have water or a toilet or a home. I couldn’t have a bed or a job. I am fortunate and I am still pissed. Holding both equally like a true open mind. :woman_in_lotus_position:t2:

Fuuuuuuuuuck. Stay sober folks. I have 3 more hours to try to sleep.

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Oh ughhhh! What might seem like a minor annoyance to some means a huge detraction from quality of life, especially when it causes no sleep before/between long work hours. Working with maintenance folks never seems to go smoothly…it’s the worst. So sorry you’re dealing with this. And frustrating that your partner isn’t seeming to help much, too. I hope you do in fact get a bit of sleep, better than none, and it gets resolved ASAP. Sending sleepy vibes :sleeping:

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I received a birthday badge from TS :smiley::four_leaf_clover:!
I started in December 2016 and I am sober since July 2017. In the months in between I learned a lot through TS. Day 2363 :dancer:

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Good morning

Just checking in after the completion of day three of our Christmas extravaganza. It is finally complete and my heart is so full, we had such a beautiful holiday. I think I am feeling extra grateful because my father made it through his hopsital scare. I was able to be 100% present through this whole experience, and only because of the skills I have learned in the last 9 years. Mhm, yes, 3 years, 11 months and 28 days clean but I have been working on my recovery from addiction now for 18 years. Its not often we get this in our first go. You know, my first mistake was thinking abstinence was the answer, that it was all that it took. Was I ever wrong. My second mistake was thinking I could heal my wounded psyche, while I was using, with all the specialized doctors and meds money could buy. Was I ever wrong. My suffering finally became so unbearable I surrendered everything and that is the only thing that has worked for me.

This year I was able to apply my program to my eating disorder, something I have been struggling to do for almost 4 years. I was Honest about what would work for me around an eating schedule at Christmas time. I was O penminded about a sit down dinner. And I was W illing to do anything to make sure my body was nourished and that I felt safe while I was doing it. Maybe i was applying my program before but I was always looking for big moves. I am learning to recognize the small stuff.

I am grateful for Narcotics Anonymous
I am grateful to have a life worth living today and I am grateful to never have to use drugs again.

#dualpostingcomingup

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Checking in at 5 days and 21 hours as I think I’m going to fall asleep before I hit 6 days!

I’m proud of myself for making it this far. 6.5 days is my record so I’m hoping to absolutely smash it this time.

Feeling extremely tired today - I think I’ve managed to catch the lurgy that’s going around. I have a free day tomorrow to rest and relax, then a drugs and alcohol meeting and GP appointment on Friday.

Have a good night/day all.

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I am very happy to report that I woke up feeling like a new woman this morning! So much better! No more major symptoms, just left with the tiredness and lack of energy. That will come with time, rest and baby steps. Thanks again for all the support you guys have shown. It meant a lot as it can feel very lonely being stuck in bed. I can’t even imagine how this whole ordeal would have been worse if I was still trying to self medicate with alcohol, it is frankly scary to think about. I’m so grateful to be where I am today.

I also found out yesterday that I’m going to be a Tía/Auntie again! My other brother and his partner announced their pregnancy over FaceTime yesterday and they’re due in July! I’m so thrilled for them and for my little immediate family to see grand baby #2 come into our lives. What a joy! :face_holding_back_tears:

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Amazing! Your long term sobriety is really inspiring. Thanks for sharing - I love when TS “old timers” share their success. It’s great for those of us in earlier days/years to see what’s possible.

Same goes for you @Its_me_Stella, friend. Your description of what sobriety has done for you in your life beyond abstinence and the work that you’ve put in to get to where you are is such a valuable lesson for others. Thank you, as always, for sharing your story.

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Congrats on smashing your record, you surely will, one step and one day at a time.

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Annoying as fuck. That would also drive me nuts, sorry…

Honestly, I taught myself basic toilet plumbing and pretty much fix our loo now. What kind do you have, it can be a super simple and cheap fix. Picture ? It’s usually the flush valve or the cistern.

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Day 1103,

Navigated Christmas ok. Not the best of time, hit a meeting on Monday evening, which was nice. Went for the supermarket, but decided to do the meeting. Was good to be at the gym this morning after these days. Now my thoughts are wandering towards new years eve. Probably will be alone that evening. It is what it is, one step at a time.

Friday I need to hand in my company leasecar. Another step away from that toxic environment. Went for a new car today, couldn’t have done it without the help of my parents. Doesn’t feel perfectly right, need to work on my acceptance and gratitude there.

:pray:

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Checking in
Day 682
Its a fairly nice day out there today so decided Id go out and do a big grocery shop for the family. I was getting suuuuper irritated with people at the store. Had to just slow down and tell myself to relax. Slow walkers tend to irritate me and yet they teach me a valuable lesson. Thats there really no need to rush. I can enjoy my shopping experience and be polite and courteous. It makes me feel better :slight_smile:
Im heading home to put everything away and then relax with my family. Dont have too much planned for the rest of the day. Maybe some self care. Maybe read a bit more of my Atomic Habits book. Idk. Hope everyone has a good day! :butterfly:

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727 days alcohol free

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170
Toy train track building today with the boys :smiling_face:
Back to healthier eating.
Gym was absolutely rammed. I guess we all had the same idea… X

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Day 9 grateful to be sober

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Day 206 AF.
We went to the winter light show at Edinburgh Botanics this evening and got chips and ice cream on the way home.

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@residentevil So sorry for your loss. Grateful that you are still sober and were able to get through the harassment of not drinking. I know that can be overwhelming at times from those that don’t understand the addiction.
@bones_80 see that 400 days Ian – so great to see you friend. I do hope you are starting to feel better. Hopefully you will feel settled in from the move soon too – I know that can be exhausting.
@garry great job on getting back on day 2. Smart move on resetting that timer as our addict minds can be very tricky as you said and next time a little more would be ok and then we know the spiral starts. Keep pushing forward :muscle:
@shatteredsoul Way to go Joshua! Glad to see you doing so well with your recovery and taking it slowly. Check in as often as you need – this is a place I come to often to keep me grounded and on my right path for my sober journey.
@mindofsobermike its great to be appreciated for your hard work. I can understand the guilty feeling but you do need to focus on what is best for you. I am sure they would understand you finding a better opportunity for yourself.
@trustybird That has got to be so frustrating and annoying. I am so sorry that it is still going on and that your sleep is being interrupted / affected by it. I do hope you were able to get some rest and that the maintenance guy is able to come back to fix the issue for good soon. Toilet issues are one of the most annoying in my opinion – hurt my back many a times trying to fix LOL. Sending you energy to get through your work shift :heart:
@Its_me_Stella so grateful for your post and really looking forward to your 4 years of sobriety and all that comes with the recovery journey.
@lile01 the beginning was very tiring for me. Grateful you will have some time tomorrow to rest and relax. You will totally smash that record and keep stacking up the days Indi. :muscle:
@louloubelle Way to hit the 170 days – keep smashing it :muscle:
@CATMANCAM how are you doing Cam? Hope you had a good holiday celebration with family. :heart:

Checking in on Wednesday evening
371 days free of alcohol and weed
786 days free of cigarettes
Spent most of the day sleeping but still so damn tired. Not feeling well and having a hard time eating / drinking. Grateful to have enough energy to get in a shower. Hope that will help get me back to sleep LOL
Hope you all are having a wonderful addiction free day / evening! Sending you all so much love :heart: :heart:

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Checking in on day 155.
I’ve got this, you’ve got this, we’ve got each other, ODAAT.
:heart::v:

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We rent so if we fuck it up we pay. My husband is off tomorrow and said he wants to fix it and all signs point to toilet fill valve. The toilet works it just sounds like someone is playing the beginning note of hot cross buns on a clarinet intermittently through the pipes in the wall behind the toilet with absolutely no discernible pattern. :woman_in_lotus_position:t2: Not every twenty minutes, not after a flush, not when its windy outside, just whenever it feels like it. Maddening.

Thanks for the offer of help but I still have another 6 hours of work before I can head home to the bathroom symphony warm up. Venting helps, although I would still like to kick something.
It happens less often when we turn the water off so maybe I’ll sleep tonight. Thank you.

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