Day 3. I relapsed badly past days, I started to hate myself very much but I know this is not the way. I can’t stand watching myself in the mirror
13 Likes
Day 3. Most importantly, it’s not Day 0. The worst is over. You don’t ever have to feel this way again. I believe in you. Stick with us. 
9 Likes
483
Evening check-in 
I’m ready to go to bed after an evening spin class… the owl is still there and ready to keep me up all night 
Managed to snap this pic today, he/she sitting on my chimney.
21 Likes
Haha, yes! I wear earplugs at night due to owl hooting and coyote yelping! 
Hope the wise one is quiet tonight
7 Likes
So cute though. It actually soothes me to sleep, the sound of the owls. But for me it’s the Tawny calls that are most attractive. I think the Scops and little are a bit less harmonious!
Very very cute 
7 Likes
Checking in Day 6! First day back to work since detox and while I was moving slower than usual, I felt amazing! It was so nice to wake up on a Monday and not be hungover. I stopped and did a nice grocery haul on my way home. Picked up lots of nourishing foods for my body to pack healthy breakfasts/lunches for the rest of the week.
23 Likes
@JazzyS thank you 
I’m glad yours has settled somewhat 🩵
@RefreshedPerspective congrats on your week+ 
@YishaiS89 welcome congrats on 30+ days
@acromouse thank you, I’ve bought it 
@BJonns congrats on 40+ days
@Ashley_luvz_starz congrats on 15 months and 3 months no tobacco
@DanaM56 proud of you for setting yourself free from that ex of yours, you’re not alone here, stay connected, you’ve done the right thing and you will soon feel grateful for your freedom and time to heal 🩵
@Binx welcome back congrats on getting through day 1
@Just_Laura congrats on 500+ days
@Mischa84 congrats on your year 
9 Likes
@justKaitlin welcome to the checking-in thread congrats on 6 days
@HolySquid aww that really is a tiny owl I hope it finds it’s mama owl soon, or atleast some place away from your window 
one of my old friends raised an owl in her caravan for a long time, before it grew big and strong enough to want to fly free, it was so loud so I feel your pain! Ha, in today’s photo it looks like it’s looking right at you
@zzz welcome back congrats on day 1
@TrustyBird I’m sorry about your friend, I would go to visit him and guage whether he’s open to hearing your experience 🩵
@Seizetheday congrats on 6 months
@Lighter I’m haunted by my traumas too, and trying to work on it, so I relate a lot 🩵
@MrsOdh sending well wishes for your husband 🩵 glad you’ve made other Halloween plans 
@RosaCanDo I’m so sorry you had to see that 
nature can be so cruel 
I’m glad the rest of the weekend was enjoyable though
@Bomdhil welcome back congrats on 3 days
1421 days no alcohol.
886 days no cocaine.
401 days no vape.
0 days no binge-eating.
Some more personal milestones too…
2 years no sex.
6 months no impulsive spending.
Saturday was okay craving-wise. I received a last minute invite to my dad’s, as they have his wife’s family members over from America. There were so many people I didn’t know, so I was very anxious, but I felt pressured to go because I didn’t go to meet them the last time they visited 2 years ago. My dad’s wife’s brother’s partner was there, but not him, so I was annoyed that I felt pressured to go when he wasn’t even there, he’d ‘gone out with the lads’, so she had invited 3 of her friends who live in the UK, so I had to meet all of them too. They were all having a giant BBQ, and everyone was drinking alcohol. I managed to resist both, and stick to what I bought on the way there to take with me. I felt so awkward the entire time, but I got through it. The blessing was that I got to have an extra long cuddle with my baby niece towards the end of the night. The sad part is, it was very late (for me) by the time I got home, and where I usually take my evening meds around 5pm, sleep by 9, wake up to feed the cats and take my morning meds at 2am, then go back to sleep til around 5am, I didn’t get to take them until 22:15 when I got home, so I was awake past midnight, and didn’t wake until 7am to feed the cats and take my morning meds, which I have to nap after, so I then slept through all of my alarms on Sunday and missed going to my Auntie’s to see one of my cousins and his family who were down here visiting. They were doing breakfast, and I said I wouldn’t eat what they were having, but my auntie had said she would make me porridge with fruit. I was really looking forward to going, I don’t think I’ve seen my Auntie this year yet. But also, I was so socially and emotionally drained from Saturday night and definitely needed the sleep.
It seems that everytime I start to feel positive about any progress, and say something hopeful about the future, it all comes crashing down.
Yesterday I was completely mentally, emoionally, and physically drained from attending the huge family gathering on Saturday evening. So there was that. I also felt awful about letting my Auntie and visiting cousins down, again. I also had therapy today after 4 weeks of no sessions (I managed to get my place back, not sure what’s going on with the ED related therapy I’m waiting for but will deal with that when it comes up), so the anxiety of that may have also played a part. I also couldn’t make myself do any meditations at all yesterday either. Then, although I take full responsibility for my actions, I msged my WhatsApp friend saying what I was craving, and he said ‘that sounds good, and it’s a new month tomorrow (today) and f**k it, I’m ordering something’, so when he said that, I went to the shop and bought £30 worth of binge foods, then, when I’d just got home, he msged to say he’d decided not to order, so I was very annoyed about that but it’s not his fault that I binged, I shouldn’t have been romanticising it.
I have worked out that today is the last day of the first half of the year, so there is still the opportunity from tomorrow to end the year with half a year binge-free, but of course, it’s ODAAT, starting with tomorrow. (I had 2 big bags of crisps left, but I’ve finished those tonight and can now get back on track).
Therapy today went okay, I spoke a lot about all the anger I’ve been feeling regarding family stuff, and how I haven’t found a way to release the physical symptoms. I mentioned that I’d visited the leisure centre and told them what had happened 3 years ago and asked about the seperate changing room, and that they gave me 2 complimentary passes to see how I feel before rejoining. I just need to use them, that’s the next step. She acknowledged that this was a huge step for me. She also gave me a book to look through called ‘The Complex PTSD Workbook’, she said it has mind-body exercises to work through and that she thinks I might find it helpful. So I’ll take a look at that before our session next week.
I hope you all had wonderful sober weekends, and a good start to the week
🩵
21 Likes
Day 10 Check-In
Got through a holiday weekend without any booze. Struggling with the mental aspect re, guilt shame and past mistakes BUT I am attending my first SMART recovery meeting this week and have reached out to a few therapists.
I am doing the right things to heal myself and my relationship.
Go team go!!!
18 Likes
400+ days no vape and your other personal milestones are super impressive my friend. I’m sorry about your socializing experience. It does not sound fun and does sound super draining. I can see why you had to sleep it off (so to speak) – sorry that you missed seeing your auntie because of it. So glad that you were able to get your spot back with therapy. I hope the workbook is helpful 
Much love my friend.
7 Likes
@laner I also find that a good work out is the best therapy. It is most definitely super helpful. Wishing you luck with the socializing. I know I need some downtime when I get overwhelmed. Be gentle with yourself. You are just now getting back to your routine in your safe space. I’m sure your neighbors would understand.
@whereswaldo Congrats on navigating it through the anxious moments. It is something to be proud of and I believe you gain strength and power every time you are able to overcome these moments.
@rosacando OMG that’s a crazy story Rosa. The animal kingdom can be so scary with its survival of the fittest notion. Grateful that you were able to give the baby birds a some comfort and love for some time at least.
@mindofsobermike Sorry that you had to deal with your ex in that manner and I agree with Rosa that she said those things to be hurtful. You are doing an amazing job in your recovery and just keep doing the right thing Mike – your efforts are shining through 
@deelzebub That cake looked amazing! Happy birthday to your son 
@juli1 That is awesome love – so glad to see you doing so well in your journey and stacking up the days with such amazing efforts. Keep up the great work Jules 
@vanessa8 85 days is incredible – looking forward to celebrating your 3 month milestone with you soon. It is amazing how we think that our shit don’t stink … I used to be the same with alcohol and cigs – thinking I for some reason was the only one who didn’t pick up the scent 
@bomdhil Big hugs my friend. I am sorry that you had such a bad relapse. Be proud of yourself for getting back on track and already on day 3! Don’t let shame or guilt worm its way into your recovery! Keep at it friend. Be gentle and kind to yourself. ODAAT!
@holysquid OMG what a pic – like he’s just staring right at you and knows that he is gonna be keeping it noisy all night (the little stinker) … so cute to look at but I’m sure the non stop hooting all night can be annoying. Hope you are able to find some peace and get some rest.
@Refreshedperspective Congrats on double digits! Don’t let the past control your journey today. You are working on a new path and should be proud of all the progress you have made. We can not change what has happened but can make sure to not repeat any of it. Keep working your recovery friend – it gets easier and better.
Checking in Monday evening
558 days free of alcohol and weed
973 days free of cigarettes
It was a good day all around. I got a lot of stuff accomplished and maintained my active streak. Still having issues with my eye and also severe pain in my side (still from the surgery) so luckily I was able to get an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday.
I am now relaxing and going to try to do some minor catch up work while watching One Fine Day – love Clooney
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening! sending you all so much love 
27 Likes
You rock JazzyS, thanks so much for the words of encouragement!
3 Likes
Day 380 AF
Feeling very blessed that the day was quiet at work. I don’t think I could have mustered the energy to deal with a difficult day.
I’ve re-visited the argument with my ex and realized that he manipulated, gaslit, and shut me down at every turn. I’m very angry. I guess I should be grateful. I’ve removed myself from an unhealthy situation from someone that minimized my feelings. I will be ok, I will move past this and be better for it.
I appreciate all of the support from everyone here. I realize I’m not alone. I need to re-establish my relationships with friends and seek out new sober friends. I’ve contemplated attending some AA meetings and I think this would be a good time to do so.
I’m still emotionally exhausted and think I will go to bed early. Sleep well everyone!
22 Likes
Checking in at the end of day 51. Missed yesterday’s check in. Found out my dad had a couple of strokes. He’s doing good though. Has some weakness on his left side that the doctors think PT will help.
Hope everyone is well and sober.
20 Likes
Wishing your Dad speedy recovery.
5 Likes
1851
It was good to be back at work yesterday. Happy it was a relatively slow day to get back into the swing of things. Today (and tomorrow) it’s my experience expertise day which means I have less to do with the hectic daily business of nursing there. All good. One day at a time. Although I did realize once again yesterday how little remains of the day after work, commute and eat. I didn’t even make it to the second match of the Euros
. Luckily we play tonight at 6. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love from my commute.
24 Likes
@TrustyBird I think if you want to visit your friend, he’d definitely appreciate it. When it comes to talking about my sobriey, I’m an open book. It doesn’t matter who I’m talking to, I’m just honest about it. When it comes to a suspected alcoholic/addict that hasn’t yet identified, we all know that’s something you have to realize on your own. In that situation I’m still completely open and honest about everything I’ve been thru, and how grateful I am to have quit. It’s what’s going on in my life so I don’t see anything wrong with talking about it 
and I always keep that focus on me. Gauge their interest. Keep it as short or long as you feel it should be. You might not get any reaction, but you never know 
I hope your friend pulls thru
@Chevy55 Hahaha I had to look that up bc I had no idea what it meant! After struggling all day with a broken zipper fly, I have to agree button flies are supreme 
Thanks, man
@Mindofsobermike Some of your posts help me see things from my exes pov. He’s an alcoholic/addict, supposedly sober for 4 years(besides weed). Notice I’m still suspicious 
Knowing him like that for so long, and with so many mistakes along the way, it’s difficult for me to trust him. I’m guilty of treating him badly while I was still drinking, but obviously realized how unhelpful(and hypocritical) that was. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. It’s not right. All the more reason to prove her wrong
@DanaM56 I’m grateful you got out when you did You’ve saved yourself some trouble. I agree that this would be a perfect time for AA. It’s nice to have sober friends when you’re single
502
I got to some chores and ran some errands this afternoon. This week I got 2 letters in the mail and a form taped to my door telling me I need to register my dog. What dog?! 
So I went to the police station to talk to the animal control officer and apparently she’s getting daily complaints about barking dogs in the building. I bet! My next door and across the hall neighbors both have 3. They do bark alot, but it’s blatantly obvious what apartments they’re in . I didn’t actually know that legally, dog owners have to prevent their dogs from barking incessantly or they could be impounded. My dog never barked. Like…ever. Well, all settled now 
Later, we went to my brother’s and finally got that table. I like spending time together, but he’s so damn negative all the time. I have to constantly remind him there’s a brightside to things too. Then to a 10yr anniversary sale at the only local clothing shop that didn’t close when Walmart opened. It was filled with women drinking champagne. I was offered but my daughter and I had sparkling grape juice instead. I thought it was really strange bc it was really hard to shop with a drink in my hand 
We found a few cute things anyway. After dinner we got outside to a park. Definitely a great day off! So tired now. Goodnight
20 Likes
484
Owl morning update. I did get sleep last night, it only kept me up for a short period. But right now it’s really at it again… both of them are.
@JazzyS and @CATMANCAM it was actually looking right at me, it spotted me, swooped down from the lamppost right past me to get my attention, landed on the chimney and started shouting at me 
@Lighter and @Tragicfarinelli no hooting here. The alarm call sounds like an angry chihuahua 
(Not my video)
The nest site must be really close. I’m keeping an eye out for the fledglings to appear. Hoping for some owlet pics 
21 Likes
*Day 2113 
Traveling around in the north of my country (Netherlands). Visiting Groningen city today. Going to the art museum and the botanic garden today. At the end of the day we are visiting Germany and want to do a hike in the Hümmling nature park. Do you know that park @acromouse ? There is a castle too I want to have a close look at.
Picture from the yurt we slept in our first 2 nights. Last night we slept in someones garden house (!) in the city centre of Groningen. It was big enough for a double bed, a small kitchen and even a little bathroom
A few days of holiday left, we’ll see where the wind brings us.Must be back at friday.
Have a good day ore night all
30 Likes
154
My thoughts are dark. Very dark. 
24 Likes