@Just_Laura Enjoy your time at the roller rink. Sounds like lots of fun @DanaM56 What is a metaphysical development circle? Sounds intriguing. @Bunto Congrats to over a week of freedom! @Mno Get well soon. Now is the perfect time to do nothing, watch the telly and then more nothing. @Leveller Thanks for sharing your lovely morning with us @stand_like_an_oak Congrats on a whole week. Huge achievement friend! @john_connor1337 Good work friend. Get your help wherever you can. @Soberbilly Congrats on working through your challenge, and thanks for sharing your journey, experiences and insights with us @Thirdmonkey I tend to forget that forgiveness also includes myself. Thanks for the reminder. @PositiveThoughts Hope you get to enjoy some down time and self care soon. Great attitude!
196 sugar
60 UPF
67 gluten
46 dairy
8 overeating
Today more work on my prototype, time for more structure. My mum will come by to pick up my daughter for ballet class. Some yoga in the afternoon and maybe a dharma meeting in the evening.
Iām still in this mental hole, but at least not in constant anxiety anymore. Things usually improve during the day.
Letās try it with peace, kindness and freedom today friends
186 days
Spent the day unpacking, cleaning, shopping and then cooking dinner.
Picked up the kids from school and off to the gym. Got some sparring in for me too, was a good sweat up.
Going away again this weekend to stay with family, the kids have a tournament in the town my brother lives in so was a good excuse to get down there
1394 days no alcohol.
859 days no cocaine.
18 months no cigarillos.
374 days no vape.
0 days no binge-eating.
Checking-in with yesterdayās numbersā¦
Yesterday I didnāt do much at all. It was raining all day, but since my mood is low it was kinda cathartic, the clouds were crying the tears that Iām unable to.
I did do my meditations, and I did walk to the parcel shop to return the new toaster I bought but didnāt open, because I donāt need it afterall. I bought some groceries while I was there too. Sadly, late last night and again this morning, this lead to bingeing. Nothing left again now so Iām calm and wont experiment again.
I was online on WhatsApp when my dadās wife randomly messaged me so I had to reply. Iām now going to visit them today. Not sure how I feel about that, but Iām a peace keeper (people pleaser) so Iāll mask my true feelings and be pleasant. I feel a lot of anger towards my dad all the time at the moment, thatās where I was at in my last therapy session before the 3 week break, and itās lingered on. He stole all of my money and itās been over 3 years now and he hasnāt paid me a single bit of it back. He keeps saying heās going to sell one of his properties but he hasnāt. He didnāt even ask my permission to spend any of it, but heās spent all of it. I found out he also owes my brother a smaller amount too. He was abusive my whole childhood, and he continues to try to control me and doesnāt let me make any decisions without him. Heās always angry at me and I canāt do anything right. I try to keep my distance for my mental well-being, but I have conflicting feelings because heās still my dad and I love him and will be very upset when he dies, so I try to accept him as he is, but itās hard. He puts his wife and her two adult children before me and my brother, and that hurts too, but Iām used to it.
Heās closer to my brother and always has been, so Iām used to that too, even more so since theyāve created grandchildren for him. I just feel like such an outcast. From my family, and society.
Iāll leave it there because I need to meditate and calm these feelings before I think about getting ready for the drive to my hometown for the visit.
Iām in for a jammed packed day. Itās day 1 of the anniversary celebrations (day before the actual date).
Work and lots of driving are the parts that Iām dreading most. I told my wife sheās driving so I can sleep. Drives still trigger me, I consider it a chore.
After we drop the kids at my parents this afternoon, we head to a city on a river. We are going to 2 highly rated restaurants on the pier and will check out the scene.
Iām looking forward to a low key, relaxing, FUN night!
Day 203. Not sure exactly what to say today. Little wet ride into work, said my gratitudes. But yeah not exactly how im feeling today. Not up, not down. Maybe somewhere in the middle lol. Much love
I was first time for a volunteer work in the nursing home today. My job was to pick residents up from their flats (they are on wheelchairs), bring to the cafeteria, chat a bit during coffee, bring back to flats. All in one building and all together it took maybe 1,5h. It was nice, I will go again. They asked me if I could come next Monday take someone outside for a walk. Even better.
My planner is pretty full lately, days are not as dull as they used to be. Thatās good. I can handle. I hope
Okay so now this is a bit longer so Iāll try to keep it brief.
Iām on sick leave until friday. I just donāt have the ability to mask at the moment. Which doesnāt mean Iāll just wallow in self pity.
Iāve switched up my medication of course under direct orders from my doctor. And Iāll get back on getting therapy.
Iāve done what Iāve always done the last two weeks which is obsessing over people, the past and overstimulating myself with people and/or work.
This cannot continue. No wonder nothing but my sobriety is intact. Keeping things as they are is what got me here.
No point in trudging down a well walked path. Itās not going to end well for me.
On another note: a member of my AA group had a relapse recently and Iām not shocked about it.
Iāve seen the signs, I even wanted to help her out but I just couldnāt deal with it at the time.
I know itās her life/her actions but I still feel guilty about it. Comes with the territory I suppose.
Otherwise Iām questioning too much and focussing on almost nothing. But for now thatās just the norm.
Hugs to you lovely. Thatās class narcissist and toxic parent behaviour. His Modus Operandi has been to manipulate, control, belittle and break your resistance and autonomy down. A secondary tactic is to divide and conquer often using siblings as pawns in the family dynamics. You donāt have to do anything you donāt want to do, letās face it, it doesnāt sound like he offers you any quality payback whether you are a shit child or a suck ass one. In this situation, I would give less and self invest.
Iāve had to go thru this process as well, I have contact with neither parent now. My dad for over twenty years and my mom for nearly 3 years. Itās sad, but Iām worth respect. You are too. Make connections outside of your family circle wherever possible. Like-minded supportive and caring people. These people are not blood, but that saying that blood is thicker than water is dreadfully misinterpreted anyway.
The Original:
Blood is thicker than water.
The Extension:
āThe blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.ā
The saying means that chosen bonds are more significant than the bonds with family or āwater of the womb.ā
More directly, it means that relationships you make yourself are far more important than the ones that you donāt choose.
My DMS are always open to you my love. If you wanted it. I know this shit is really hard.
2y3m23d
Morning friends! I finally got some decent sleep last night. Woke up ready to tackle the day. Its going to be a busy one. Just getting my son ready for school and then im off with my wagon to pick up his formula from the hospital. Then I have to bake the cupcakes and decorate them for tmrws drop off. Going to sneak in a workout today too. And of course do my usual cleaning. Thats about it. Oh! And definitly want to make sure to get in some gratitude and prayer also. Cant forget that! Hope everyone enjoys their day!!!
Day 347. Working 7.30-3.30 today. Then I can spend some time in the sun. Beautiful day
Iāve booked the week off in advance when Iāve hit a year. Going to spend the time walking and exploring Cornwall a bit more and reflecting on the year.
day 0 with pmo for me. I havenāt been on in a while and went on a relapse that was tbh bound to happen. Hit a new low and not feeling great about myself for it. So Iām back here.
good news tho is that even tho I had a few days where I was really struggling I didnāt relapse with sh.
sending strength š©µ
