-XXI-
‘‘For only in the grip of darkness
Will we shine amidst the brightest stars’’ -
6 Likes
Checking in day 171 AF 
13 Likes
Day 83.
My sister got her abitur today. I am beyond proud of this creature and it was a beautiful ceremony. 
So yeah doing good today.
See ya tomorrow^^
15 Likes
When I was experiencing unusually extreme allergies last month, I went down a rabbit hole learning about it. You’d think it’d be better when it’s raining, but apparently rain breaks down pollen grains into smaller, easier to inhale particles. As well as brings them closer to ground level. So hopefully they will improve for you when it’s sunny 
7 Likes
Day 811
Not great and sort of trying to fight the depression that’s been keeping it’s foot in the door for a while. Not really tempted a lot to use other than the fleeting gremlin thoughts I tell to fuck off because I have so much going on and no, we’re not doing that again.
Started exercising, meditating and journaling again. Trying to pause and catch my mental health breath, my bipolar has been fucked lately for a while since like April when we found out our landlord is selling the house. Thankfully qualified is for an income-based mortgage and have started a very accommodating part time job that works with my truckload of a schedule with my kids, myself and more specifically my son’s many therapies. Actually I’ll be getting paid to do some in home super work with him so that’s cool.
Also it’s summer, and a cool thing about bipolar is that any upheaval in schedule or environmental/life changes can trigger an episode (mixed in my case). Even if it’s a combination of good with stressful and unexpected. I’m trying and forcing myself not to get into the hole. I want to be okay.
I don’t use social media, keep taking my meds and have been limiting YouTube and screen time, but everything never feels like enough during these parts of a mood swing and I’m losing my sense of normal right now. Doing music stuff and art to stay grounded. Playing and spending time with my kids. I just, need to honestly say sometimes I have to pretend a lot and not share the true extent of strain I’m feeling like all the time. It’s been a while and I’m not stopping my attempts to feel better but, shit.
Anyways I’ll be hanging around here more often now bc I need some community and not my family only
Have a great day all, sorry for the overload
16 Likes
Wow, that’s a really cool fact.
I’m pretty much born with allergies and have been allergic to pollen and more my entire life.
And yet no one has ever told me that.
The general advice here is to stay inside when it’s warm and dry, and to try and avoid things that cause your allergies. Which is basically impossible when you live on the country side and are allergic to every kind of pollen, hay, most animals and a lot of other things 
8 Likes
Checking in at Day 23. trying to implement checking in more often to keep my goal in mind. Definitely helps. Just popping in a sec to say hi!
Enjoy a happy sober day everyone! Sending love!!
12 Likes
Hey all,
This week so far has been much better. Beautiful fathers day celebration and hubby and I had a good talk. I am a very chatty person with those I love talking to, but I dont always talk about the stuff that is weighing on my brain. Son seems to have made full recovery, and is much better. So glad I stayed home and realizinf that pull between my family and being there for my nephew, revolves around the searing guilt. A point to work on.
Emotionally also I realize I am hitting the wall, because we have an ideal home now for my nephew to go to. Its not the end of the road or end of advocating, but figuring out this step has been over a year of fighting and being told all kinds of no’s. This would always happen to me with work or the end of a year, where its like a “let down” of energy, and feeling strange because youre working so hard and pushing so hard towards a goal or a project and then…inside its like what do I do now? I am very project and goal oriented, and its just a pattern I have noticed with me that after a big job or prohect is completed its like, I crash a bit for lack of a way of explaining it.
So grateful today to be sober. Missing my sister immensely. Celebrating our daughter being done with grade 2, another school year over. She is grtting so big i cant believe it. Getting ready for in-laws tonight for dinner and a playdate with friends tomorrow. Xo.
12 Likes
I do hope that this episode passes soon for you 
Glad you enjoyed your meet and greet with TS friends 
@lighter Yeah triple 1’s 
So excited for you all around- hope you do keep up with getting good nights sleep 
@positivethoughts Sending you love, strength and patience. Hope you are able to smoothly get through your day
@mindofsobermike I feel you on the weight issues. Not sure why the body would gain weight when you are actively moving and eating right. This is super frustrating for me too. Keep focusing the living a healthy active life and hopefully the weight will sort itself out (this is my mentality these days).
@catmancam sending you hugs my friend – sometimes we do need to just shut down and be numb before we restart ourselves. Be gentle with yourself and do stay connected. I see you kicking ass with 6 days no binge eating
@butterflymoonwoman Oh I’m sorry your boy is not feeling well and dealing with a bacterial infection. Hope he is able to rest and recover quickly. Are you able to look into other medical insurance avenues or benefits that may offer a cost break? Sending love and healing energy. 
@mamador So lovely to see you posting and wow 811 days is impressive! I am so very sorry to hear that you are struggling. Playing pretend can not be easy and takes a toll on the mind. I do hope that you do stay connected with us here and also are able to talk to someone in real life. Take it odaat and remember that you are not alone. 
Checking in on Thursday afternoon.
Been a productive day. Got my workouts in, did a delivery for the restaurant and went to the airport to pick up my sister. So crazy how quickly the day goes by. It’s 5 pm now and i need to get dinner started. I am feeling run down and tired and the pain is super intense today so moving slower this afternoon. Going to just put on some comedy and and try to enjoy the rest of the day.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love
15 Likes
Checking in with 2 months! 
Today was a little negative. No reason for it, just a bit stressed and a lot of self doubt and negative thought. I need to acknowledge that shit and move on cause tomorrow is another day.
Thanks @JazzyS you’re such a kind person, I really appreciate all your support… I hope your pain subsides soon and you enjoy your time with your family! Good job on the workouts!
@Mno Much appreciated …I don’t know if I said congratulations on your 5 years. That’s something else. Thank you
I hope to interact more on here but it’s quick check ins and away…work is tough. Next week looks quieter.
Hope you’re all well
23 Likes
Congratulations Dan! Well done, sir 
2 Likes
Hey thank you! I’m feeling a chunk more balanced after sort of forcing my own hand at doing the therapeutic things I’ve been slacking on. Going to have to really dig into working harder on forcing the structure and organization until it becomes habitual again. Took a walk and going to go chill at a coffee shop for a little while. Thank you so much for your support and I’m definitely going to return to hanging out here again going forward
6 Likes
Day 9. I don’t trut in my self. I guess is the meaning of being powerless
12 Likes
@Danwood85 Sorry that today is a negative kinda day – that shit sucks but is a part of life. Sometimes i just wake up in a bad mood and wonder if it is residual from a dream that i can’t remember. Thanks for your support as well friend. It has been great having you on this journey with us and am so happy to be celebrating your 2 months with you today. ODAAT – life is so much better when we aren’t tethered to our addictions.
@mamador Oh i’m glad to read that you are taking time for yourself! This is wonderful friend - we can’t always be on the go and care of everyone else while neglecting our own needs. Gotta put on your own parachute before you can attend to others. Looking forward to seeing you around.
@Bomdhil Day 9 and you are crushing it. What is it that you don’t trust? Are you able to create a safe environment for yourself where you are not triggered and can keep yourself busy with self care? Only you have the power to break the cycle my friend – keep connected and reach out for your support – we are in this together and can help each other on the journey. ODAAT
6 Likes
Checking in sober.
2 weeks until vacation.
Still feeling very down. Exhausted. Same old, same old.
OFDAAT
17 Likes
This made me tear up. The accuracy 
congrats on day 6. I’m back to day four currently and feeling more determined than ever 🩷
7 Likes
Sending hugs and healing to your boy and you 
3 Likes
I’ve been sitting in my shower for awhile now. I feel horrible. I made it all day through school but after I felt terrible. Had to make myself puke bc I started feeling nauseous and a headache next step is sit in cold water. Day four. I guess recovery gets worse every time you relapse. And I see why this is such a vicious cycle. I’m back to day four today. I did hit a vape twice at school and I don’t vape so maybe that caused the headache later on but I feel like 
. Kinda wanna cry. Im gonna lay down. Checking in. Hope you guys are having a good sober day
17 Likes
Day 369 AF
Having issues sleeping this week so I’m exhausted. Hoping for a good night sleep tonight.
Sleep well everyone
20 Likes