Checking in daily to maintain focus #69

[JazzyS]

@tragicfarinelli OOH I’m glad they are starting to see some things getting fixed. I do hope your bathroom renovation is next and goes quickly / smoothly. Rounding up on 1 year – girl – after I hit 6 months I very much started planning for my 1 year celebration. Every craving that occurred was shut down cause I knew I wanted that 1 year mark! You got that motivation – keep going my friend
@mbwoman OH that is awesome friend 3.5 years sober! I am sorry that this feel on such sad times. Grateful that you managed to stay sober and I do hope you enjoyed your day today
@tyland Oh I’m sorry to hear that you got hurt. Hope you are healing now. DO keep pushing through my friend. The emotional and physical hurt do get easier. ODAAT!
@mrmoustache OH thank goodness you sent that friend packing. That is NO friend. A friend does not make you feel less than or insult you – they should support you – love you and cheer you on. You are much better off without this person in your life!
@selflove_42 How are you doing? Any improvement in your mental mindset?
@jesile OH yeah some alcoholic drinks have started to nauseate me and that I find to be very interesting – so grateful for it tho LOL. Relieved to hear that your friends news came back as not cancer! Yeah!
@hesmyportion Way to go friend – day 2 and your 1st meeting – wishing you well and sending strength
@holysquid WTF!!! 5th time? Oh I’m so very sorry friend – that totally sucks! I do hope the symptoms are not too bad and hopefully you will be testing negative very soon. Sending healing and comforting vibes your way.
@bomdhil way to go friend 14 days is almost here – you are doing great and I am happy to see you posting that even through the hard times you are seeing growth and strength. That is the remarkable part of this journey. Keep pushing forward Thomas
@HakeemOsman Oh Happy Birthday my friend-- love seeing you celebrating a sober birthday. Looks like a wonderful time and what beautiful pictures.

Checking in on Friday night
625 days free of alcohol and weed
1040 days free of cigarettes
Been a busy day but a productive one. Grateful I did get my day started with some activity as I had a lot of sit down computer work to do today. Feeling physically and mentally exhausted and a headache forming - grateful that I will be in bed soon.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love

[HakeemOsman]

Jazzy you are such a breath of fresh air and I’m grateful for your continued support! Thank you for the birthday wishes! I hope that headache subsides soon and you get some restful sleep this evening!

[JazzyS]

Awe thank you friend! Appreciate your sweet words.
Doing a neck massage to help relieve some tension… now ready for some … good night

[Tyland]

Thank you jazzyS

[tailee17]

Checking in with day 192. Fridays always makes me feel like I enlisted in the military. Hubby’s mottos WORK WORK WORK. I just got caught up with all the postings here. I love you guys. Wish I could cast a spell to make you all well comfortable and happy. I will continue to annoy you with kooky sayings and stupid images. If anything I may get you to smile for the moment. I embrace this as my service at this time. . Looking forward to a new day and loving to stay in the moment. I am worth the work and I find myself to be a pretty great sober person.

[wahtisnormal]

146

Broke up with the person I fell in love with, and canceled my flight back to peru to spend time with him. I made this decision yesterday because there are some red flags that I know I don’t need in my life. I also asked reddit about something he said and I recieved over 100 comments from people telling me to run, the red flags are too obvious, and some people even saying it sounds like it could be a potential trafficking situation. That influenced my decision a lot, but I still made sure I made the decision for other reasons too, as I noticed he started to seem narcissistic and other things that are not worth gambling with.

We both frll in love with each other but never even got to say it. I’m sure we were both waiting to say it in person. One of the things that really sucks, is I’ve never in my life met someone who has psychic abilities like he does. I wasn’t even sure I believed in that kind of shit, but I SAW it firsthand with him. It’s like he knew me fully without me even having to say a word about myself. Knew things about me right off the bat, that no one would have any way of knowing. Knew how old my dad was. Knew my relationship with my parents. One night, i was starting to get extremely anxious about if he’s right for me or not, but my mannerisms didnt change at all when I was texting him, I showed no signs of anxiety, but he texted me saying “what’s on your mind? Somethings worrying you, I can feel it.” And another night when we were on the phone, he was explaining reiki to me and how he can feel which of my chakras are blocked and need healing, and he casually mentioned how in that moment I had a lot of pressure in my head, but pointed to the EXACT pinpoint spot right between my eyebrows that the tension was centered the most. I never told him I had a headache, my eyebrows weren’t tense either so it’s not like it was a wildly lucky guess. He knew. He could feel it. I was blown away.

But it sucks even more because of all of that. If things had worked out, how special that relationship would have been. Now my interactions with every single other person in my life, comparatively feel so disconnected. Detatched. I don’t feel known by anyone like I felt known by him. He could feel my energy. No one else in my life has that ability, and now that I’ve experienced it with someone romantically, nothing will ever feel the same. I can’t put into words how amazing it felt falling in love with someone like that.

I’ve written down a list of reasons why I know I made the right decision. The narcissistic comments, etc. Screenshots of people’s input. A whole little database for me to look at to keep my head screwed on straight. But my emotions are KILLING me. I can’t stop crying on and off. It hurts. I miss him. I hate not knowing what could have happened.

And this is why I haven’t pursued anyone for the past 3 years after my fiance died. I’ve spent 3 years alone, focusing on myself, telling myself I’m not going to try to date anyone unless i really feel like they could be the one. This was him. I gave him that chance. It felt so good, after all of that pain and grief and being alone for 3 years. I finally had hope again. And now I’m heartbroken, but the worst part is I was the one who had to make that decision, which I’ve never made before. So now on top of the grief, the heartbreak, I also feel guilt, and self-doubt, and confusion, having an immensely hard time knowing or remembering if I’ve made the right decision because my feelings for him are clouding things so much.

I keep going back and forth in my head and I basically want to rip my brain out, throw it in the ocean and set it on fire. (Lmao).

A nice little cherry on top of mental torture is the fact that I showed him my favorite song at the moment (Hollow - Redrum, highly recommend for some peaceful vibes!) and he came to love that song so much that it became our song. I cant listen to it without completely thinking about him the entire time. And it keeps getting stuck in my head (currently on a streak of several fucking hours) which is a nice little touch of the thiught of him, and the pain, not getting the fuck out of my head.

I know I need to distract myself to get through this but I have no motivation to do anything.
I’m so close to having “just one” drink right now.

I hate this so much. I feel so much agony and mental torment. I don’t want to work, I don’t want to do anything, I just want to shrivel up and bawl my eyes out for an unforseen amount of time.

Any words of encouragement that I did the right thing are appreciated. Helps keep my emotions in check. I almost caved and texted him earlier but I was able to remind myself of all of the reasons not to.

[DanaM56]

Day 447 AF
So thankful the week is over. I’m exhausted. Have a sober evening everyone

[GOKU2019]

Day 1056 AF

Sup, gang.

Dreamt about an old friend. We were close friends back in middle school. We got distant in high school after she started dating someone. She was chill. I always saw her as family. In the dream, she wanted to meet up at a bar to catch up. Once we got there, she walked away to use the restroom. I said to myself, “What the heck am I doing here, I don’t drink.” So I decided to bail on her and drove off.

Anyway, it was another hot day here in Southern California. Got me blasting the AC all day. Took the kids to an afterschool event. Went to the grocery store. And we’re just hanging out at the apartment right now. Gonna got for a walk in a bit.

Still doing the sober things. Have a great day everyone! Keep pushing!

Stay strong. ODAAT

[Just_Laura]

@HakeemOsman Happy birthday! Sober ones are always the best

@wahtisnormal I’m sorry your relationship didn’t work out From what I’ve learned from my past relationships(over and over), is always trust your gut. Don’t ignore red flags in favor of what appears good. Last time I did that, it led me into the worst relationship I’ve ever been in. Something told you this was the right thing to do. That makes me believe you did the right thing. Take care, my single sister One day the right one will come along

@GOKU2019 That’s kinda funny about your dream. I read about so many using dreams on here but they never happen to me. I’ve had several dreams where I’m around drinking, but I always know that I’m sober. I remember one I had 6 years ago while I was on probation. I hadn’t drank for months bc I had an ankle monitor, but I got hammered in the dream. It really felt like I was drunk, and I was freaking out bc I thought I screwed up. I was relieved to wake up, but also enjoyed the fact I was able to feel that way, even if it wasn’t real. Pretty pathetic to think about now

569

Today was not as great as yesterday I didn’t sleep well and woke up exhausted to a dark and gloomy morning. The sun never showed and it rained all day. It’s still raining now! It sucked all my energy and motivation and I slept most of the day. Still wasn’t feeling 100% so the extra rest felt needed. I also started my cycle, which I’m sure played a role. Work went okay. Pretty typical Friday night. Now just chilling before bed, which is soon Hope you all have a good weekend

[wahtisnormal]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that and definitely need to hear it
I’m glad you got extra rest today, definitely sounds like it was needed. I hope you have a relaxing rest of your night

[Just_Laura]

Your welcome I’ve been single for 3 years myself now, and even sober, I don’t know if I can trust my own judgment in that department yet. I only hope to have your strength if I’m ever faced with such a decision. Stay strong today You can get thru this sober

[MrMoustache]

Thank you @JazzyS for your support. Yeah, I’m feeling much better without that person in my life.

[SoberWalker]

*Day 2180
triggerwarning death
Live can be difficult sometimes.
My youngest son has a girlfriend. Her brother commited suicide yesterday. He drove his car against a tree. He was 19. It’s so sad.
My daughter in law is in Korea right now for study and is coming back urgenly tomorrow. Good to see my son is helping her where he can.
It makes me so sad. For that boy, for his parents and for his brother and sister and all others he left behind in grief with so much questions.
He was on his way to school. His schoolbooks in the back of the car…
He had mental problems, but seems better.
It’s my worst nightmare: loosing a child.
My grandparents lost their firstborn at very young age because of an accident. Their life was never the same. As a grandchild I felt that and later on as a mom myself I felt that even more ofcourse.
So today I’m lost a bit. It’s not my child, but I feel so sad.

[NewBeginning1]

Checking in end of Day 2, Work went okay but head was a a bit cloudy. Not feeling 100 percent yet but hey? I survived through the day i guess.

[Juli1]

221 days AF checking in

Pool today!

Freaking out…
Didn’t have a swim while week cause of long working hours, heatwave and crowded pools just fuck up. (sry)

Will smash the lane
Then eat.
Then siesta.

Repeat tomorrow

Love you guys

[Mno]

1918

Had a nice day yesterday, going to the dairy farm together with my friend. Will do some stuff in town today, as well as take Luna to the vet for her monthly solensia shot. And get Korean takeaway later. It’s still warm but any day now colder wetter weather will appear. Well. Can’t have it all. We’ll have fun with colder weather too. Sober and clean.

Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober or nothing will come of it. Love form Utrecht where I saw my therapist as well yesterday.

@Mbwoman So sorry losing Gunny. They’re such close friends. Glad you’re not tempted to drink over it
@Vanessa8 Congrats on 5 months!
@HolySquid That’s terrible bad luck friend! Healing thoughts and vibes your way!
@HakeemOsman Happy belated birthday to you!
@NewBeginning1 Congrats on day 2 Matt. ODAAT for all of us.
@Thirdmonkey You sure you trust a toddler in a shooting tank Scott?
@wahtisnormal I’m sorry it didn’t work out friend. However, you’re never sure something like this won’t happen again. And actually I see the fact that YOU choose to end this as something very positive. Your choice. You took the power int your own hands. You took control of your life. However painful it is and was, you took the right decision. Power to you! And drinking would just be a reversal to old patterns, to bad coping mechanisms. You are doing this thing called lifed. I’m sorry you’re hurting, buit I’m proud of you. Hugs.
@SoberWalker Suicide is such a terrible thing to deal with. So sorry Claudia. Strength to all involved. Big hugs friend.

[Thirdmonkey]

Maybe…lol, thats why it is going to stay at his house. Grandma Monkey found an “exact” copy of her truck for him…it doesnt shoot, it will stay here.

[Nordique]

Hey all, checking in on day 1546. I hope everybody has a good one!

[JazzyS]

@tailee17

. I will continue to annoy you with kooky sayings and stupid images. If anything I may get you to smile for the moment

Love seeing you around and appreciate your kookiness …don’t change
@wahtisnormal I’m sorry Zoe. Even when we know it’s right to break up - the hurt and emotional pain can linger for a long time. I am so glad that you were able to see those red flags and end the relationship. Those are some serious flags my friend.
The blessing from this is that you let yourself be open. You connected on a level with someone else that you never knew possible and now this is what you will seek in your partner. This man has shown you that this type of person exists. Don’t give up hope. You deserve love and happiness.

Block and delete his number/ email etc. this will make it harder for you to reach out and keep you from caving. I do believe you made a wise decision and I’m so sorry that you are hurting right now. Do know that hurt does heal. Sending you so much love my friend
@SoberWalker I’m so sorry to read this. Such an awful tragedy. Reading of this does create an empty hole where you feel lost. I’m not a mother but can’t imagine getting that news. Hugs to you and yours.
@Newbeginning1 way to go Matt… Going strong! Keep at it…the cloudiness lifts and it all does get easier
@Juli1 so happy you made it to the pool. Enjoy the lanesy friend. Hope work calms down once you get the hang of it

Checking in early Saturday…can’t sleep so going to get the coffee motivation and hit the pavement… should be a quiet walk as I think most people will still be asleep - I am happy about that.
Have a busy day ahead…hope my body cooperates and I can get it all done. My headache isn’t as bad but still persistent. Maybe the cool air will help.

Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day… sending you all so much love

[CATMANCAM]

@Mbwoman I’m so sorry for your loss congrats on 3.5 years though
@MrMoustache congrats on 60 days and well done for blocking that guy
@Tyland I hope you heal up okay 🩵
@HolySquid feel better soon 🩵
@HakeemOsman belated happy birthday looks like a great time
@wahtisnormal it’s usually best to trust your intuition with things like this, I really wish I had in a few past relationships. Be kind to yourself 🩵
@SoberWalker that is very sad indeed 🩵

1488 days no alcohol.
953 days no cocaine.
468 days no vape.
0 days no binge-eating.

So I wish I hadn’t, but I checked my bank app and it showed that the two direct debits I thought would go out yesterday, aren’t going out until 00:30 Monday, which meant I “technically” could spend the money I was saving for them. I didn’t want to though, and before I checked the app I was doing fine, no urges or cravings at all. I made it to 2pm. But as soon as I checked it, my addict took over and I went to buy fruit. It was like I was forcing myself to eat it.

Then, at 7:30pm when I couldn’t sleep, and I realised it was “Friday night”, my addict took over again and convinced me I needed binge foods to watch a TV show. So off I went to the shop, and bought things I don’t even want to be eating due to being diabetic.

Suffering the hyperglycemic consequences now but they will pass.

Currently no urges or cravings to go to the shop again, despite it having been open for 4.5hrs.

🩵