I don’t know who created these but I consider them so very harmful they should be banned. I know so many people developing all kinds of serious eating disorders or other kinds of psychological issues and addictions after perusing these on a regular basis. Human beings need real food 
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Ohh I’m loving hearing about your family history. And your grammys on your dads side sound amazing! Bet they told some good stories. And the mystery of of your family on the other side sounds interesting.
Thanks for sharing! Sounds like you had a lot of a cultural mix within the family.
Was wondering how your husband’s medical problem has been? Sorry if you said already and I missed it. Hope he is doing better.
Also a kids story based on your gypsie grammys lives would be fun
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So I’m just sitting on break at work listening to a recovery podcast. I’ve been listening to it since yesterday all day while working to trying to figure out the dis-ease in my life. Life is good of course there’s some life on life’s terms situations going on at the moment but there’s more than that for me as I’m figuring out. I think part of my issue is lately I’m trying to play God in certain areas in my life, & in reality I just need to let go, surrender, and have faith everything is the way it’s supposed to be in this moment. All I need to do is put one foot in front of the other, do the right thing, and stay in today. Easier said than done but everything takes practice I suppose. I just started taking a daily inventory and have committed to it for at least thirty days writing and answering the questions from the “living the program” pamphlet of N.A. anyways I gotta get back to work. Hope you’re all having a nice day 
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139 days sober
I did some work on the trauma workbook this morning and finished the chapter. I really think it is helping me even by just getting to understand my self better and why I have certain struggles. I had a good walk after and saw a friend and talked some about what I’m learning.
The afternoon then because crazy hectic but I was productive. I had some skype meetings with potential volunteers who would be willing to make a trip here to give some training on alcohol recovery to the social service workers to go along side the material I’m translating. I liked both of the options and think I will offer that both can come if they want and are able. It would be about a 1 month commitment. Neither has traveled to a 3rd world country before so I hope the level of living standards I told them about if they come won’t be off putting for them. But we had a great conversation and I felt excited after. Then had a meeting with social services to tell how the progress is going and how the conversation with the potential volunteers went. Then spent a long time debating the new words/concepts I’ve introduced for the material. And then I called this Dutch doctor I saw in the city about his trip to this area soon and asked if he could meet with the social workers and as a doctor talk some about the medical effects of alcohol abuse. He immediately agreed and said lets talk again later this week to come up with a plan for it. So all in all it was a very productive work day and am making good progress!
Hope everyone is also having a productive/relaxing sober day!
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After listening to podcast about AA communities I’ve just started to watch When love is not enough
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52
Yeah. Let’s talk. I think I will be off the script today…
So having Flu. It su*ks to skip trainings, after being sick, not eating much, sweating you usually loose a lot of mass and first trainings after skipping some is always hard. Hey, but overall I did it many years with drinking, skipping trainings, being sick. That’s what I notice when training sober - the results are much much greater and quite visible on photos comparison. It’s like I been blind all the time while drinking, it was hard for me to realise on how much difference it makes.
Anyway, I am changing a lot in my diet, started to run again after my knee injury. I have much more lean muscle mass, but don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of fat and overall I think - building mass when training without hormones and anabolic steroids - I think it is much healthier to build that mass when you already have suitable lean basis. Ofcourse it all depends on different genetics. Without running I was more focused on weight training and tried to bulk as much as possible before cutting and going back to running. discipline.
Knee still hurst when kneeling down (it’s almost half year now) I think it is meniskus injury and there is not much you can do. Don’t get me wrong it is not that bad and I really had no time to go to docs, been working for almost 12 hours a day and not even had Summer vocations. I think I will check my knee when I will do yearly rehabs of my damaged wrist nerves. Then I will have time.
To be honest a lot of changed in my spiritual views. I really am not much focused on my physical health as before and I am happiest I ever been. It’s hard to explain my views without digging in hours and hours of talks about ancient teachings and quantum physics, but overall it is explainable in terms of quantum. Remember Wave–particle experiments. It’s like reality is not as real as we think it is. When we sort of meditate on it it can rechape itself, on other terms - Miracles happen, but once we focusing our brains on it - there is not much space for miracles left. Same is with serious Health patients when some comes back like a miracle, or with Athletes who are reaching unimaginable and overall many things in life are born in free minds where people are dreaming of something that is not yet present. Because they Believed.
Saying it simple - Believe is very important and yes Believe need Action to be added, but all I want to say is I am learning to leave more free space for greater things to come, leaving more space for understanding that I am not a final product of this reality, but a continuation of much greater inertia than myself.
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She told a lot of stories, I know that she lived in a Vardo (A wagon) and when my father was born he slept in a drawer. Yep the kind you put clothes in, it was common no matter how you lived. She used to say that it was practical because when he cried to much she just closed the drawer. And then she laughed about her own joke 
There’s actually what’s supposed to be a kids book about a gypsy girl, written by one of the most famous families around here. The book it’s called Katitzi and it’s horrible. Filled with child abuse and other horrible things. In my opinion definitely not a children’s book, but the book and character everyone thinks of when gypsies are mentioned.
My husband is alive, that’s the most important things. His back and hip are still bad even a little worse, and he just got back from the hospital from a TIA attack which effects his speech, his entire left side, and his ability to remember things. But he’s here, and he remembers us. I’m really grateful for that. It could’ve been so much worse.
Thank you for all your great ideas today. And good luck with your own writing. 
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I love that. I’m so glad that you finally did what made your soul happy. It’s so inspiring.
I’ve tried multiple jobs as well, with the feeling that this is only temporary until I’m going to start writing. Took multiple writing classes that did improve my writing a bit but never felt serious enough to actually try and go for it.
But now is the perfect time.
Thank you for your encouragement.
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I only knew my grammy for a short time before she died but she told me how she also slept in a draw as a baby. Hey it works! It sounds like some good stories and times together. Also really love when people laugh at their own jokes. 
Ohh too bad the one book is not so nice. Maybe need a more lively child friendly version.
I’m sorry your husband is struggling this way. I’ve never been married or in a relationship like that but I know it’s not easy for him or for you as a spouse. Or for your kids. I hope that he will improve. It sounds like a big life adjustment for sure. Will keep thinking of you guys.
And I hope you can get lost in writing and enjoy it.
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Day 3
No binge eating
No shopping
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Good morning today seems to be starting slow. Dont feel like doing anything. Idk about what im doing or the direction im going. It sucks because when you are with someone thinking about goals and the thing you want or like to have rolls around the person your with. And when that is taken away well i feel so lost. now not having a bf anymore and being solo i have just start to shouting down. 
i have looked up a few things with broken heart 
and addiction. Gives me more of a understanding on how i feel . Just makes me feel not smart and thrown out like garbage! But what can you do chalk it up to life!
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It’s good to see you Shay. Sorry for what happened but done is done and now it’s the time to move forward. One day at a time for all of us. Wishing you and your mum strength. Big hugs. 
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Thank you.
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Thanks so much Tailee
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Checking in. Not much to say without sending out depressive and bad vibes…
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Checking in 
I’m not in the best mood these days, but that has to do with my hormones! Dang those monthly hormone swings! 
I’m busy at work, very busy… and besides that temperatures are very high again! I love the summer, but sometimes I wish I could sleep at night! Not much more to say! Tomorrow it’s an early one for me, getting up at 5:45! 
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Day 30 check in. Feeling alright. Some days are still very difficult and I expect that to happen still from here on out. I’m proud for making these changes to better myself.
I do wonder if my depression will ever get better. It has improved significantly in the last month but I still have tough thoughts running through my head.
Hope everyone’s having a great day!
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I feel that! It’s hard some times to stay positive. Remember why you are doing this and think about your future self and how much better you will be feeling eventually.
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Checking in day 233 AF 
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