Checking in on 2 months 6 days. Just been going through the full spectrum of human emotion lately, lol. I have been working through my thoughts on my ex and my past relationship with him. I still don’t have a clearer idea of what my future job situation is going to be and am dealing with feelings about that. I have been crying a lot.
But I think it’s good to be crying. When I was drinking, I was rejecting my emotions.
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Checking in day 12. Busy day today. Went for dinner with a friend in the eve. Didn’t drink. It’s difficult when friends want to go out drinking. Got two separate friends who I have met fairly recently so they are lucky enough to not have ever witnessed my bad drinking behaviour. I’ve told them I’m not drinking but I don’t think they realise I mean ever. I probably haven’t been clear. But both have suggested nights out drinking in the future and now I feel like the lame one ruining the fun nights out. Or not ruining, just not doing them. Obviously can still have good night’s sober but, they are friends of mine, so obviously they are big drinkers, as I wouldn’t be friends with people who weren’t 
. But now I’m not so… Can hear part of my brain being like come on you can just have a few. But I need to remember how that has worked out in the past. It’s not worth it. I need to remember this. Only 12 days and these thoughts already coming in. Worried I’ll give into it. Can I really keep this up forever?! But I have to. Ramble over 
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Forever is an impossible concept for the human brain. We’re not drinking today. Tomorrow we’ll repeat that but that’s no concern right now. Today is enough. And today we’re not having any. X
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Thank you. Yes you are right ODAAT and that’s all I need to think about. Today I am not drinking. 
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Early in my sobriety I surrounded myself with other sober people and it made it so much easier. I didn’t have those feelings because I was so far removed from alcohol. I’d imagine that you’ll continue to have these feelings if you continue to put yourself in situations where alcohol is so prevalent
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You go girl! I am here supporting your efforts!
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I am so happy for you. Praying baby and mom are perfect! I’m tearing up. 
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526 no alcohol
166 nic free
34 no form of marijuanna
Im not always going to be perfect and im ok with that
Trying to be perfect takes effort and constant effort causes exhaustion and anxiety
If i am wrong in ok with that
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@JazzyS thank you for your words. I am 
agreed. Each day is a victory and a battle. yes, I don’t know how many chances I have in my pocket.
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That quote was exactly what i was trying to figure out
Good work on day 16
And lets not have addiction control us
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it started out okay at least struggling a bit now but I will post a check in to help 
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@SadMemeQueen yes. you are not alone. I am struggling too but connect here is a relief and a way of connecting. I wish you well
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2y 7m 15d
well I had some scans today to make sure my kidney stones and pneumonia have been resolved. they have been but the chest CT found mild degeneration in my spine. I’m only 22. i have a host of health issues including osteoarthritis and some undiagnosed stuff. so I’m not surprised necessarily but it’s just really saddening. I’m sick of my body not working the way it needs to. and there’s truly nothing i can do about it right now because there’s no cure for osteoarthritis and I don’t know how to treat my other undiagnosed issues. I’m working on things with doctors but I’ve been trying to get a certain diagnosis for over a year now. the test that needs to be done for it needs a referral, which was a struggle to get in the first place (been through 3 different doctors still don’t have one thats gone through) and now I have to see another specialist to get the referral for the test. the most frustrating thing is I know i meet the diagnostic criteria as I’ve done a poor man’s version of the test at home. but my doctor doesn’t believe me. I’m in the process of switching doctors for the 4th time. I’m just so drained. not to mention I’ve applied for disability and that’s a nightmare
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Day 977
Today was okay. I managed to workout and get some cleaning done around the apartment. I also wrapped up my sons halloween gift. We got him a videogame and decided to wrap it up in a box, put that box into another bigger box, then into an even bigger box, and again into another bigger box lol he will have alot of fun unwrapping this gift haha Our halloween will be the 19th instead of the 31st as we have a wheelchair accessible trick or treating event to go to. Super excited for that! Just currently making dinner… bacon swiss burgers wirh sauteed onions and mushrooms. Im having a side salad with mine 
Should be good!! Hope everyone is having a good evening!
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Checking in tonight , turned down thursday wing night at the local hole in the wall. Sad about the wings but not the drinks. 24 hours no cigaretts , still vaping tho for the time being. Sadly im still fighting a cold that seems to be getting worse, but it didnt stop me from being productive in my shop today. I finished building the trusses for my boat enclosure, and got all the concrete deck blocks placed and leveled! I also found out my sailing friend is coming home to take a break from their travels and may be staying a few days a week in my spare room which is great. They should be couch surfing until christmas and im greatful to have them home / in the area for such a long time! Hopefully ill get some more motivation and an an extra helping hand with my boat / house projects before winter hits the area. I also got to go to therapy today which was a very productive session that im greatful for. It was needed 
im excited for tomorrow. With out a hangover i hope to get alot done with cleaning out my shed and finishing the winter re-arrangement for the shop. (I have to make room for my dads boat because he stores it here over winter.) This weekend is also looking bright!
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Box in a box in a box! I love it
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187
Recently hit 6 months
Just got home from work and started crying, was already in a bad mood and then my mom locked me out of the house on accident and of course she was in the shower so couldn’t hear me knocking or any of my phone calls so i was out there banging on the door with my food getting cold progressively getting more and more pissed off.
Just really sad and really wanna drink, it feels like i have no control over anything in my life, ive been making a lot less at work, today was shitty because i had two tables not tip me, meanwhile im trying to save up to move out while im stuck in this shitty toxic living situation for 28 years now and it just feels like im never going to be able to leave. Feels like i have no control over how much money i make, no control over moving into my own place, no control over my weight loss efforts that completely refuse to budge, no control over the fact that my fiance died and i will never know if he cheated on me or not, im just over it and really sick of everything.
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