Checking in day 135. Staying on for a while longer. Client wants more. Longing for home.
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Iām with @JasonFisher on this one. Having to go out and buy it and then holding onto the remainder? That may be too tempting for me. Itās easy for me to say that I donāt crave alcohol, I also donāt handle it or buy it either so thereās that. Out of sight, out of mind has worked for me.Good luck to you on this one. I know that youāll make the right decision for yourself.
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Day 91 and on we go.
@CR84 thank you for your kind words, we are really doing it this time Cass! And I think you might just be having a special day today too if Im not mistaken. Its all rock n roll 
@Butterflymoonwoman Thankyou Dana It is a big milestone especially when we look back to all our day oneās 90 days seems like a goal that can never be achieved. 
@Madds @Dazercat @Dilettante @JasonFisher thanks for the good wishes
@JazzyS Thanks Jazzyjazz you are so right about the 100 day challenge being something else to look forward to. We will just keep stacking those days up as we go along.
Massive thanks to everyone who sent wishes over yesterday. It was very humbling. Thanks again everybody. (Feels like an oscar speech) 
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Day 1385
Verrry cold day here today (-19Ā°C). Had to bundle up really well to get to work this morning. Ive been at work for an hour so far. Its going well. My client goes home today for a home visit, so it will be a cleaning day for me.
Thank u to everyone that responded about my cupcake situation. I think I knew the answer all along but it was really helpful hearing it from u all too. Alcohol was never my main issue BUT with that being said, I wouldnt even want to take a chance at ruining my recovery. I will suggest to make ānormalā cupcakes for her 
Today is also my sons 4th year anniversary of ending treatment. His last dose of chemo was given Nov 29th 2021. His brainstem tumor has remained stable since. Im feeling alot of emotion todayā¦ mainly gratitude tho. Gratitude for God and also for my sons medical team (especially Oncology). Hes doing sooo well and making a lot of progress in many areas.
I hope everyone enjoys their Saturday!! Much love to my fav recovery fam!
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Im sorry to hear that ur timer needed to be reset. BUTā¦ Im grateful to hear that it didnt lead to a binge eating episode. Love that ur being honest with urself in ur recovery.
Also, i love ur list of tools that u wrote for managing ur emotions. Im sure they will help! You also have all of us to help if need be 
I hope that everything goes well today for u 
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Hey friend, what can u do today for urself to stay recovery focused? Do u attend meetings at all? Or have any good distractions to help u thru the cravings?
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Day 10
Itās been an amazing morning for me. Woke up, did my morning routine (cleansing ritual and prayer). I did some self care (Shaving, doing my hair & oiling my beard). Spending this time first thing in the morning has set me up for a successful day.
I attended a morning meeting with my home group, that was absolutely amazing. Itās a menās meeting with the guys who helped get me sober. The fellowship and honesty between everyone was truly motivating!
I cooked the kids and wife breakfast (cheesy eggs & tawa toast) and enjoyed some myself.
My phone was put away during these moments as thatās my focus today. Today, I want to live in the moment.
Iām looking forward to grocery shopping as a family. Iām looking forward to putting up the Christmas tree as a family. Iām looking forward to cooking dinner as a family. Iām looking forward to watching WWE tonight as a family.
These are all things that when I was drinking, I took for granted. These simple things in life is what life is about. Being present in these simple moments is what Iām looking forward to most today.
I wish everyone an amazing day!
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HUGE congratulations on 60 days smoke free!!! Thats fabulous work friend! 
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I LOVE LOVE LOVE ur post!!! So glad u were able to start ur day off on the right foot. Ive been neglecting my morning recovery routine lately and ur post inspired me to get back to it today. As well as the part about putting ur phone away to be more in the moment with family. This is something that I too have been trying to work on. The mindless scrolling serves no purpose when Im around family. I just really enjoyed reading ur post. It was very inspiring and reminded me of what I want to accomplish too. So thank u!
Also congratulations on double digits!!
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Thanks so much! Thatās the best part about this community, we are all so similar in our individual ways and can share stories that help each other. Iām glad it inspired you!
I missed my morning routine only 1 days since being sober and it threw me offā¦ Then, I remembered that I can restart my day anytime. It didnāt feel the same but helped! After that experienceā¦ I have no compromise on it anymore.
Stay warm my fellow Canadian!
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Checking in on day 104. Feeling pretty good.
Weāre at my in laws tonight for dinner They got new wineglasses and Iām craving some wine againā¦
I heard my brother in law saying from the kitchen āletās try out the glasses! Maybe open the good wine?ā To wich my mother in law responded something like āJonathan doesnāt drink anymore,..ā I didnāt hear everythin they said but now I know they now I donāt drink anymore 
It doesnāt matter because I know they only mean well but still.
Now Iām craving and kind of embarrased that they know I failed againā¦ even though I donāt see it as failing. My mind works weird. I want people to think good of me.
But anywayā¦ I want to get this dinner over with and enjoy the rest of the nightā¦ not here
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@danielaJ Sending energy your way ā fatigue is awful but so much worse when you have a full day. Hope you do get some rest on the train. No More Added Sugar Check out this thread - may be some extra support for your no sugar journey. Glad you are not being hard on yourself for the reset. I do love the game / gift idea too cause its fun and also inexpensive for all of us as we only need to get one gift. Lots of great game ideas on Instagram that get everyone involved and having fun.
@mtrav0040 Oh love that ā saw that Cirque Du Soleil a few years back and absolutely loved it. Sure your son is going to have fond memories of the experience 
Iām sorry Charlie. I know it is hard to be reminded of our past behavior / mistakes when we are working so hard to correct our course. Just know in your heart that you are doing the right things and keeping yourself from repeating old scenarios 
So very happy to read this. Continued health and healing my friend
@SK213 Well done on your double digits! Have a wonderful day making lovely memories with the family
@Jonachav123 You are doing great friend. I am sorry the cravings are highā¦ you can use the glass to drink juice / water and sometimes that works for me. Retraining the mind to see a glass as just a glass and not needing to poison our bodies. WE are all here if you need to stay connected through dinner. You are not alone! You have not failed - over 100 days is impressive amount of work ā just keep pushing forward 
thread - may be some extra support for your no sugar journey. Glad you are not being hard on yourself for the reset. I do love the game / gift idea too cause its fun and also inexpensive for all of us as we only need to get one gift. Lots of great game ideas on Instagram that get everyone involved and having fun.
@mtrav0040 Oh love that ā saw that Cirque Du Soleil a few years back and absolutely loved it. Sure your son is going to have fond memories of the experience
Iām sorry Charlie. I know it is hard to be reminded of our past behavior / mistakes when we are working so hard to correct our course. Just know in your heart that you are doing the right things and keeping yourself from repeating old scenarios
So very happy to read this. Continued health and healing my friend
@SK213 Well done on your double digits! Have a wonderful day making lovely memories with the family
@Jonachav123 You are doing great friend. I am sorry the cravings are highā¦ you can use the glass to drink juice / water and sometimes that works for me. Retraining the mind to see a glass as just a glass and not needing to poison our bodies. WE are all here if you need to stay connected through dinner. You are not alone! You have not failed - over 100 days is impressive amount of work ā just keep pushing forward
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Thank you!
I know where the booze bus endsā¦ at misery town. Every time.
I choose to stay sober while I hear the rest in the kitchen opening wine but fuck it. I know drinking isnāt an option anymore for me.
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Day 41.
I ended up having a bit of a productivity paralysis yesterday. Iāve been so overwhelmed by all the things that need to get done for finals and wrapping up the end of the year, that I opened my computer, worked for about an hour, then closed it teary-eyed and on the verge of panic. Trying to do everything sober is making it that much harder. It feels like my brain has had no off-switch for 41 days. Just raw-dogging it through all of lifeās shit.
This is hard. Yesterday, I felt crushed by the inability to mentally escape into a bottle. I watched Little Miss Sunshine and Juno as an early-2000s Indie-binge. It was actually very soothing. A nice blend of nostalgia and heart without compromising the ability to portray darkness. Any recommendations for other films of that ilk I would happily accept. I think Iām gonna lean into the things that make me feel nice. At least when I can.
Today, Iām heading to the gym earlier than usual this morning, taking a long, hot, wash-my-cares-away everything-shower, then, I will attempt to get some homework done. Focusing on small progress. Even getting 5% of something done is better than 0%. When Iām done, Iām done. Iāll watch wome more Michael Cera-coded movies and put my feet up.
All I can do is what I can do. And focus on going to bed sober. 
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Sounds like maybe hit a meeting after the gym might help. People canāt help if you donāt let them know where youāre at on a face to face basis. That face to face accountability will help tremendously and so will a sponsor
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@Jonachav123 Downtown misery town at the corner of shame and regret streets. At the blackout bus stop.
@SK213 10 days!
@Butterflymoonwoman 4 years! What an awesome thing to celebrate today!
@scaredsmol Demon has nothing of value to whisper today or any other day! Lets make recovery louder than the demon!
@Aedan Welcome!
@Lucalds 60 days no smoking! That one was hard for me, but I did it and im never looking back!
@JazzyS Stay warm!
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Day 11 AF.
Did basic housework today.
Not much but the bar is in hell my friends.
Other than that Iām a bit tuckered out mentally.
When did you people say sobriety becomes entertaining again?
I joke. Itās gonna suck for a while I know that.
Just gotta adjust to this again I guess and (oh the suffering), make a new life outside of work and sulking.
Had a phone call today with my friend. She invited me to take my vacation in her area of germany and Iām inclined to go.
She knows about my quirky little addiction and asked beforehand if Iām currently sober.
I reluctantly told her yes, so drinking isnāt gonna be an issue.
Doesnāt mean we wonāt go partying though. 
Fun fact: the only parties Iāve been to since Iāve turned 20 were completely sober.
Iāve never been triggered by events like this and Iām not gonna abstain from having a social life.
I actually get more out of clubs/parties, etc. while sober. Mainly because I can actually engage with whatās happening and remember doing so the day after.
Some of my former friends stopped inviting me to events after I told them I was an alcoholic.
Reasoning being that there is alcohol there so itās not for me.
My social circle basically imploded after that.
Still mad about this to this day, but I guess I had it coming.
So yeah Iām gonna take a vacation with my friend and we are going to dance our asses off.
Thatās january/february though so first order is to get through the holidays.
Take care everyone and remember to share both misery and optimism. In both cases, itās worth it. 
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1753 days AF
Forget best daysā¦ā¦.Iām still waiting on just a good day or even an āalrightā day.
Itās tough being inside my brain all the time. I hate it in here most days.
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Quick check in on Saturday afternoon. Waiting for my daughter to drift off for afternoon nap. Iām pulling lots of weight in the household this weekend, and using lots of strength to keep up.
Hoping for a good sleep on Sunday night for some recovery. Trying today to be mindful of going with lifeās flow these days, and not resisting and adding weight to the challenges. Bad stress doesnāt serve me.
Take good care of yourself today.
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669
Keep going sober. Walking through this life soberā¦ Learning, being excited. Feeling my own value these days. Watching magic happen. 
The mood is quite stable despite of some little downer tonight I managed by getting creative in the kitchen.
Body feels amazingly strong 
Love you guys
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