Day 3
Feeling good but also anxious. Anxious due to my income tax refund coming in a week or so. Trying to just live in the moment and not think too much ahead. Went to the gym. Did some self care and cleaning up. So far so good 
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Checking in at the end of day 34. Glad I was able to get the truck running after sitting for a few weeks lol and I cant wait to be able to finally open the windows in the house tomorrow. Itās finally going to be 50Ā°+ degrees F!!
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If youāre walking through hell, keep going.
Iāve gotten a handle of my drinking, and my eating, but I have one other escape that I use to distract and Iām starting to get pulled towards it. I know what the trigger is and right now itās because I feel Iām being misunderstood or judged unfairly. Iām feeling hurt and wronged by this. And I have no control over how others view me or the situationā¦Thatās a power struggle in itās self in my mind. Knowing I canāt do anything to change their truth, even if I feel itās wrong, itās theirs to decide, not mine.
What I can do is hold my truth in my head and heart. I need to keep repeating itā¦ And I need to keep reminding myself there are always two sides of everything and I know Iām not the only one feeling this way. Itās frustrating wanting to communicate and knowing itās impossible.
Anyways, thatās my trigger right now. My method of escape/distraction/numbing is another thing I donāt want to use to get away from these feelings. But itās pulling at me hard. Iāve used this outlet before during other extreme periods of sadness and itās not good. So I wonāt go there, but I hate this anxious unsettled feeling.
My good methods of coping (my tool box) donāt seem to be working right now. Meditation and breath work are barely helping ease my intense feelings. My foot being broken still is not helpingā¦a positive coping method for me (that Iāve gotten a healthy handle on) is exercise. I was running a lot before this to help deal with everything I had going onā¦getting a restraining order to get a very toxic person out of my life, putting a lot of pressure on myself with my jobs, trying to be a better mother, and trying to get a handle on life after ending a 10+ year marriage ā¦ Running released a lot of the built up feelings of aggression, frustration, confusion, tension ETC! And I donāt have this now because I broke a bone in my foot.
I had put so much on my shoulders I was breaking (literally) and I had to let go. Now Iām being seen as selfish. And I guess I am being that. I didnāt realize not wanting to have another mental breakdown was such an awful thing. I canāt do anything more for anyone else. I need to accept that the people in my life that have their own agenda for me can only lose what they cling to. And itās out of my hands.
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Day 50. I used to drink almost a litre of whiskey, almost every night, for many years. How did my poor suffering liver manage that? Seems like a bad dream now. I havenāt posted on this forum as much as I would like to, but I have been visiting every day, and reading. It has helped me. Immensely. Waiting for the big 90.
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Congrats on day 54. One of my goals is to learn Korean as well. I purchased Rosetta stone software but didnāt get far. I will start it again this week and hopefully be more dedicated to the process.
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Itās not being selfish. Its called practicing self care. We need to fix ourselves and then everything else follows. Itās like being on a plane. We first get our mask on and then we can help others. Leep up the awesome work!
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You canāt help anyone else if you wonāt help yourself.
Priorities are safe and necessary for long-term, high value health, safety, and help.
I was chatting with a team who does open water sea rescue operations and they have to make the call often to save one of their own as urgent priority before they attempt any other rescues (e.g. if one of the team gets knocked overboard during rescue). They know that rescue is difficult at the best of times and if they do not help themselves first (the team) then they really canāt help anyone else effectively, or help as many people as possible when a full, fit team is in action. This is done even when others may appear in greater need.
Consider yourself a team as you have many different hats to wear in everyday life. You need to prioritise helping you so that you may be strong and capable in your help of others. To not invest in yourself only generates a poor return on investment where your energy is diverted.
Itās not selfishā¦ Itās proper practice to maximize effectiveness and efficiency of oneself.
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Day 151. I had about this many days, 5 years ago, when I decided to drink 2 red ales at Bahama Breeze. I of course thought I had enough time in and discipline to reset the drunk clock. Like many say, all you do is start back where you left off, once you start drinking again. I did of course, but learned my lesson. I have had the thoughts of just having 1 or 2 come and go, especially when I see a new brew from New Belgium or Stone brewing. But I realize that a lot of the draw is the artwork and the idea of drinking 1 or 2, which is really all of them, and then quietly swigging my wifeās Barefoot. Multiple bottles of course, so it doesnāt look like a drank wine also. As I type that last statement, I realize how rediculous I was while drinking. It is important to not fall into romanticizing alcohol and taking a minute to recall the dissatisfaction it actually provides. Anyway, a little self reflection at 5 months, and pretty damn proud I have made it here again.
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I wanted to sue that but I didnāt wanna pay 300 bucksā¦
I use lingodeer, love it
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Day 505. Had a beautiful day with some of my dear pals from this forum. Itās wonderful to bring these connections into the real world. And horchata ice cream is the bomb. 
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60 days sober from alcohol
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Today marks 16 months of sobriety for me.
And whatta time its been 
Seriously though, Iām grateful for every challenge.
Every day sober has been a gift to myself.
If youāre wondering if you should get sober, you should.
If youāre wondering if you CAN stay sober, you can.
If youāre planning on achieving this alone, youāre mistaken. None of us do.
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- Slept long but it feels like itās not long enough. Itās close to 7 am on a Sunday morning almost ready to leave for work. But I donāt detest my job. Iām sober and clean. Meteorological spring has started, whatever that may be. I see some daylight creeping in. My friend and me seem to have found some new balance in our friendship. My holiday trip is still on (yes @crystalclear). By enlarge Iām healthy. All in all it could be much much worse. Thanks to you all it isnāt. Have a good Sunday all! Sleepy love from Amsterdam. @MrCade good to see you. @aircircle Thatās great, just a little bit enviousā¦ @Lionfish There are times you have to choose you Lea. Everybody has their own agenda and I know full well sometimes thatās hard to realise and accept. Keep improving yourself one day at a time. And stay sober. Hugs.
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Day 482. Being creative is hard, being creative within a specification is even harder, and being evaluated at the end of it is just nerve-wracking. Now make something important to you depend on that evaluation being favourable. 
Thatās going to continue to be me for a couple weeks yet.
However, itās really rewarding, itāll be a good experience regardless of the outcome, itāll expand my comfort zone and practice important skills, and I enjoy it all the same. It makes sense to take this on. I just need to keep my view of it balanced, and find acceptance for the place Iām at rather than expect to be something Iām not. Also, Iād just like to say I am super thankful for the friends I have that call me out on my stuff before my behaviours and thoughts start circling the drain.
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Day 80!!! Finally made it. Today was actually pretty good! I finished up one of my midterms for school and worked so altogether pretty low key. Onward to 81 
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25 days and 6 hours, circadian rhythms are back in swing, I wake up at the crack of dawn for the past week or so ā¦ gratefully not hungoverā¦ looking forward to todayā¦
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90 days!!!
Relapsed a couple of times close before the 90 daysā¦now i got it!
I changed a couple of things since my last relapseā¦
Stepwork, meetings , sponsor !
A lotta weight is dropped, and i really need to get used to itā¦
I was only familair with shame, guilt, resentmentā¦
Nowadays my engine seems to running more on love, acceptance and commitmentā¦
Thanks for this forum, it helps me a lotā¦
I stay humbleā¦and be grateful !
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Day 76 checking in!
Also Iām stealing thisš¦
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Nice bro!
I love to see how the optimism its on your side!
Hard work pays of!
Dank je wel!
Still going strong!
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