Chuck norris jokes


Chuck Norris regularly makes omlettes without cracking a few eggs.

Chuck Norris invented all the colours. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris can hear smell and taste see.

Chuck Norris’s sperm is so powerful, his wife gave birth to their second child before their first.

The reason your wishes on a shooting star never happen is because theyre not shooting stars. Just Chuck Norris practicing his left arm pitch.

Chuck Norris once ate a bag of asphalt/cement just to prove you can shit bricks.

Chuck Norris was the 4th King present in the stable bringing gifts to Mary and Joseph… on entry he stepped on a rake and it jumped up and smacked him in the nose…he exclaimed “JESUS CHRIST!!”… Mary looked at him and said “Oh what a lovely name; we were gonna call him Albert”.




Bump. This was such a great thread :joy:


Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands.
They are now The Islands.


  • When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
  • Chuck Norris can speak French… In Russian.
  • Chuck Norris can put out a fire with a gallon of gasoline.
  • Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
  • Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
  • Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
  • Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
  • Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
  • A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
  • Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
  • Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.
  • Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
  • Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says Chuck Norris.
  • When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
  • When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
  • When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.


Woa!!! :boom::joy:


Chuck Norris can pick apples from an orange tree and make the best damn lemonade u ever tasted.


Entropy does not apply to Chuck Norris. He decides in which direction time flows. Once Chuck Norris went back in time and got in a fight with himself. Combined force of two roundhouse kicks blew universe into existence. Today this is known as big bang.


People joking about chuck norris are a joke! is my joke :wink:


Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris swam through land.


Chuck Norris once slammed a revolving door.


The evolution theory is a lie, there’s actually just a list of species Chuck Norris allows to live


And why are there no threads for jean claude van damme and steven seagal?


Hahaha awesome thread!


Because Chuck Norris doesn’t allow it…


Such a dictator…




Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it.


Hahahahahahaha!!! Thanks for the laugh just now.