It can be done be strong
Well last two boyfriends in a row smoked massive amounts of crack,were bi-polar, had paraniod personality obsession jealous type and would just accuse me of everything under the sun that they were actually doing.
First one got me started, second one got me back on it,so I really never had "good times"
Oh,the last guy interested was on the shit to,went from halfway house to apartment, lost two cars ,apartment, jobs,and moved to the meanest halfway house in Kansas City.
So yeah,here I am with a heart murmmer, healing from MSRA in the femur of my leg,full of pain and scars from actually being on life support with blood clots MSRA, and walking pneumonia two years ago.
I went under 4 times, my body shut down and they had to decide to keep me on life support or pull the plugs.
My autistic son was asked,he passed on power of attorney to someone else.
You do not want to live the pain I have every day,half the time I can barely walk,just know you can fucking fight through anything that gets in your dam way!
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I wish I could just stop. I hate that part of me really likes it. And I don’t know how to convince that part of me that I’m killing myself and hurting my family
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I’ve been a functioning cocaine addict for 15 years… my addiction has only spiraled down worse then ever… I’ve been in the same situation where when I get some clean time I feel like I’ve bet my addiction when it’s got a hold of me so bad. I would suggest seeing another therapist who you can confide in and be open and honest with. Also try groups and meeting other people (like myself) who are struggling with the same situation as you.
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I can relate with your entire post! I always tell myself I’ll only do alittle or only on the weekends when these lies we tell ourselves are just trying to minimize our addiction and make it seem okay in the moment.
I relapsed again, having to reset.really need to stop coke.cant get pass a week, still trying
Keep trying. A week will turn into two weeks after some time. Also, look into meetings if possible.
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I’ve been using cocaine for a year and a half I’ve tried several times to get sober but I’ve never reached out for help just thought I could control it myself but as we all know we are powerless to our addiction so I’m surrendering to that thought and looking for some help and support from people who have been through this and people who are going through this yesterday I relapsed after being sober 9 days… So here’s to day one and many more!
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Towards the end of my addiction I was smoking a lot of crack. I ended up going to rehab 3x before I figured out that I couldn’t do it on my own. I started going to AA and NA after my last rehab and haven’t looked back.
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You have made a big step in realising that your cannot do this on your own and another step in joining this community.
I find narcotics anonymous meetings very helpful, if I didn’t have those and this place then I would drop be our there if not drag. Do you think that you’d like to try a meeting. Many people work about going to the first one bit there’s really nothing to worry about, you will find acceptance in those rooms to a level your have probably never experienced. Maybe worth thinking about 
To almost parody what @Englishd said, towards the end of my addiction, I was using cocaine and heroin simultaneously, fueled mainly by my alcohol addiction.
I read in another post that you tend to use when you drink. How do you find your cocaine cravings when you dont drink; are they just as strong?
I massively craved alcohol when I stopped drinking but I didnt crave cocaine or heroin - I guess you could say I was an abuser rather than an addict but there is an point there for changing habits and getting into a better mindset. The first few days, weeks and months of sobriety absolutely blow so keep pushing on. Keep your mind active, get creative, get thinking and although I have not been to meeting, many people here have logevity in theirnm recovery with their help. Maybe head over to one if you can.
All the best
I want to go to meeting I’m just kinda worried about it I am a dog groomer and I just started up my own business so I’m kind’ve scared about how that would look to my clients…
Honestly, I only drink when I’m around my friends which all of my friends drink so even tho they respect and support me wanting to get sober it’s just kind’ve what we’ve always done together so I always just kinda talk my self into being able to drink even tho I know I cannot drink without cocaine.
When I was using every single day I honestly preferred to not be drinking and doing coke so the craving are just as bad when I am sober they are absolutely crushing at times. I’ve recently signed up to groom dogs at the shelter a few days a week which is something new I’m trying and I hope it’ll give me some purpose and happiness.
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I do want to go to meetings but I’m also kind’ve worried and scared. I just started my own business where I groom from home and I’m very known in the community I would just hate for it to get around that I’m struggling with addiction when I’m caring for people’s baby’s I don’t know if that’s just me being shameful and wanting to protect my ego or if I actually have something to worry about
It’s anonymous and unless your clients are trying to get clean too, they won’t be there. You can always try the next town over though.
I understand your trepidation but please trust me when I say this, the anonymous part is taken very seriously. If your were to see anyone there that you know they will be happy that your are there and if someone you know is there they likely already know you use drugs. And anyone there is in exactly the same boat as you are. Nobody there will disclose seeing you. There’s a chap on here, at his home meeting there is a famous actor and the only people in this whole world who knows that he goes are the people in that same room with him, all helping each other to stay clean and sober.
As addicts we build these things up in our heads and they never come to fruition.
There’s a girl just posted that she had just got back from her first meeting. She is likely to have had the same concerns as you. I will tag her and see if she will tell you of her experience, she loved it by the way.
@BrookeWells would you mind sharing your meeting experience with @Emileigh04 if you don’t mind please
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That’s true I probably just need to get over this fear and own it
I go to meetings with judges, police detectives, elementary school teachers, lawyers, and one famous actor. To my knowledge they don’t have any issues
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This is something that Comes up all the time isn’t it and to see those same people’s posts when they get back from Their first meeting is great as they always say they loved it🙂
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Continuing the discussion from My first meeting 
:
This person loved it. I’d much rather hear from people who just started going and love it rather than hear me talk about it
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